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Should i tell my partner she was my first (30yo)

H

hambubger

Greenlighter
Joined
May 7, 2017
Messages
2
Hi.
I was underway of becoming a 40 year old virgin. Reason is probably a culmination of different things: living at home, being passive, being busy with work, never taking the first step and this situation had lingered for so long that beside the shame, I didn't crave to have sex: I was used to it and didn't care to change it. After finishing highschool, peers questioning and the pressure also diminished as fellow adults don't care about my sex life.
I did have some minor experimentation during my teen years, a few romantic interests that went up to sexting/snapchatting/going for walks but nothing that really "counts". In the end, it just never happened.

Until it eventually did happen, as a 30yo adult. I've been dating the partner it happened with for a few years and love her very much, so it isn't like we're on a first date phase. The fact that we have done it probably makes the question even a bit more difficult now. I did not tell her I was a 30yo virgin, and everything went fine during the deed. I do not think that she had any suspicion I was.

Now it has already been a little while since our relationship became physical. Should I tell her she was my first? She's an understanding person as far as I know her, she may even like the thought of being my first. But there is obviously for me the shame associated with it and what if she thinks it's weird.:?
 
If you want it to be a long term relationship then tell her. If she judges you then she's not really long term material. Right?
 
Communication is key to a healthy relationship. It seems like sharing this information is important to you, so it sounds like the real question is how to share it will her in a way she will be most receptive to. My guess is that if you have already built up a solid foundation for the relationship, this kind of thing isn't going to cause any problems.

Are you enjoying your newfound sex life? Have you talked with her about her sex life before? Some people get very uncomfortable talking about intimacy, so if you have a sense she is this kind of person then I'd suggest treading lightly.
 
Yeah, if you tell her something like that and don't hide it she will trust you.

If I liked a gal and she told me I was her first I wouldn't care but I would highly encourage her to look through my sex positions book.

I think it will make her feel special in a good way. Just don't be a clingy virgin fuck cuz the one virgin I fucked qnd dated was level 5 clinger.

She always wanted to hold hands and cuddle. The word part was her not wanting to do new positions.

Like seriously wtf is wrong with the buck, lotus, sideways, hammering the nail, etc? Srsly my advice, put her in the buck!
 
Definitely some interesting responses here. To clarify, I am the male. I believe the stigma of being a virgin is a bit more significant for men.
She also never spoke of her past experiences. I've never asked about it. I don't even really want to know because I know I might feel jealous if I think too much about it.

I do enjoy my newfound sex life, but for me I've found that the sexual pleasure is similar to jacking it and my enjoyment comes out of proximity to my partner and watching her enjoying me.
I don't believe I'm overly clingy, although I suppose if I told her, there's the possibility she would associate me with a clingy virgin everytime I try to cuddle her thereafter ?
 
She probably already knows.

Look if its been a while I cum fast so I try to get a bj and like after that first nutt you shouldn't cum fast.

Don't be clingy at all and buy a sex position book and use this relationship to be good at sex.
 
Why would there be any shame associated with virginity? If your going to tell her pick your timing though - whats for dinner tonight and you blurt out 'you were my first' might be a bit off putting.

It's not a thing you need to tell her, if you wish to tell her then do so at the appropriate time - when your comfortable discussing it.
 
Yeah you should tell her at some point, she'll probably think it's really sweet.

I was in a 12 year long relationship/marriage from age 18 to 30... we were each others' first. Well, I found myself at age 30 only having had sex with one person (though obviously lots of experience with sex in 12 years!). I eventually started trying to date, my intention was to not get into another relationship for a good while and explore other people because I was always a little bothered that I was only ever going to have sex with one person (obviously since we married I expected it to be forever - glad it wasn't now but that's a story for another thread). Well, I ended up having sex next with an amazing person and we ended up falling in love and we've been together for nearly 3 years now. After a while, in conversation, I told her she was my second. I had felt kind of awkward about it because I know she had more experience. She told me that she thought it was really sweet and she definitely liked that. She told me about her experiences, which were quite a few more than mine (but she's 30, a few years younger than me, and spent a lot less time with a single person). It brought us closer for sure.

Nothing to worry about... if she judged you for it (not sure why she would), it would indicate she's not a good person to be with. But I'm pretty certain she'll think it's sweet.

I do agree you should pick a good time... it's not like you're lying to her or anything by not telling her and you're not required to tell her. If you're having a conversation about past relationships or experiences, it could be a good time. It seems like you are somewhat bothered by her not knowing, so it will probably feel good to tell her.
 
Why does it matter?
Why make a thread about it?
Do you feel like it's something important that she needs to know?
Do you feel like it's a big deal?

If yes.. then.. tell her, lol.

IMO, if it was me.. I wouldn't say anything because who cares? Unless she asks like, so how many people have you slept with, etc or you're talking about previous sexual experiences.. then disclose because it's appropriate.
 
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