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Should I tell him about my substance abuse?

GetMeOutOfThisCRAP

GetMeOutOfThisCRAP

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 20, 2017
Messages
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So when it comes to substance abuse, I've been an addict for technically around 3./5 years (unless you consider marijuana an addiction but regardless he used to smoke too and grew up in California where everyone smokes anyway). I absolutely love him in every way possible. He is so incredibly beyond special and I do not think I deserve him. We are planning to live together in the far future and become married and etc. However, his family is chock full of addicts. Some were useless and hateful violent alcoholics. Others were pain management patients who fell a little bit off the wagon but still beneficial and vital for the family.

Is it a bad idea to tell him that I used to have a much more prominent addiction problem within the past? I still have my demons but it's not like it used to be before. I was planning on telling I want him to be part of my future at every point possible and am so terrified of losing him. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? He is beautiful inside and out. I was planning to take more time to conquer my substance abuse demons before jumping into a relationship, but he was simply too special to resist in every way possible and I could not miss out on a once-in-lifetime opportunity like the love we have developed for each other.
 
Slow and easy wins the race
you doth come from an understanding of the disease of addiction.
you are working on “ Your Demons-addictions “ and not living in denial. You are still early, and not married yet, so

I feel there is still 🤩 a lot of time to grow with each other. If asked don’t lie, but don’t run out and jump on a Sword and hope there is not any Blood 🩸
time will allow for a larger foundation, and Mutual understanding
 
Hi, I just joined so feel free to dismiss this opinion, I’m not even sure how this site works. But your post made me want to reply, tell him! He loves you, you love him. If you tell him and it causes problems, well you’ve just bought them forward, they were always going to be there. It sounds like you’re still working through your issues and in that case it would be unfair to both of you to not share that. If it’s the once in a life time love you say it is, then it’s all gonna come out eventually so hiding those demons you’re still trying to fight isn’t gonna do any of you good! He needs to know all of you, good and bad, and you need to know if he can support you through the conquering.
 
I think this is going to be the ultimate test of whether or not he loves you for who you are, true love, if you get what I mean.

I would test the waters first, like Iceman1216 said, see how he reacts.

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, which I HAVE done in dating before. It's terrifying thinking about telling a woman I'm interested in "yeah I've almost died from heroin, had meth psychosis, was diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia, etc..."....

but in the end it's not something you should hide from someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with.

If your addiction problems are not as bad as they were then keep it simple. Tell a half truth. See how he reacts.

Where are you at with addiction, though? What are you on? It's not something you can hide forever once you start living together.

There are a lot of factors at play here.

I would love to tell you "love beats addiction".... but I don't think that's true. At least in my case :(. Lost what I thought was the love of my life to my drug addictions.. and jobs... and family....


Drug addiction is more powerful, smarter, and more cunning than I will ever be. The harsh truth. Don't let that discourage you, though! If you love him that much then you need to go to war with your addiction.
 
The Wizard of the Creek said:
he will admire you for trusting him enough to confide your more prominent addiction.
Click to expand...

I had one girlfriend who instantly laid me after admitting I've been to rehab.... not sure what was going through her head but I think she saw it as a sign of strength? IDK... lol

She wasn't an addict herself.

also happened to be my sisters best friend at the time... relationship didn't last very long though

true story o_O
 
GetMeOutOfThisCRAP said:
So when it comes to substance abuse, I've been an addict for technically around 3./5 years (unless you consider marijuana an addiction but regardless he used to smoke too and grew up in California where everyone smokes anyway). I absolutely love him in every way possible. He is so incredibly beyond special and I do not think I deserve him. We are planning to live together in the far future and become married and etc. However, his family is chock full of addicts. Some were useless and hateful violent alcoholics. Others were pain management patients who fell a little bit off the wagon but still beneficial and vital for the family.

Is it a bad idea to tell him that I used to have a much more prominent addiction problem within the past? I still have my demons but it's not like it used to be before. I was planning on telling I want him to be part of my future at every point possible and am so terrified of losing him. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? He is beautiful inside and out. I was planning to take more time to conquer my substance abuse demons before jumping into a relationship, but he was simply too special to resist in every way possible and I could not miss out on a once-in-lifetime opportunity like the love we have developed for each other.
Click to expand...


Personally tell him how much you love and want him and then just come clean and tell him trust me youd rather him find out from you than some other way
 
SnafuInTheVoid said:
I think this is going to be the ultimate test of whether or not he loves you for who you are, true love, if you get what I mean.

I would test the waters first, like Iceman1216 said, see how he reacts.

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, which I HAVE done in dating before. It's terrifying thinking about telling a woman I'm interested in "yeah I've almost died from heroin, had meth psychosis, was diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia, etc..."....

but in the end it's not something you should hide from someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with.

If your addiction problems are not as bad as they were then keep it simple. Tell a half truth. See how he reacts.

Where are you at with addiction, though? What are you on? It's not something you can hide forever once you start living together.

There are a lot of factors at play here.

I would love to tell you "love beats addiction".... but I don't think that's true. At least in my case :(. Lost what I thought was the love of my life to my drug addictions.. and jobs... and family....


Drug addiction is more powerful, smarter, and more cunning than I will ever be. The harsh truth. Don't let that discourage you, though! If you love him that much then you need to go to war with your addiction.
Click to expand...
The Wizard of the Creek said:
What was your prominent addiction, if you don’t mind me asking? What is your level of addiction now compared to before? I always believe honesty is best when you are looking for marriage partner. Trust is very important for a healthy relationship, and if he loves you like you love him, he will admire you for trusting him enough to confide your more prominent addiction. I just hope you can clarify your secret you are hesitant to tell the person that you want to be in your life till death do you part?

—Wizard
Click to expand...
how do I like??
 
I guess it depends a bit on how active your addiction is. There is a big difference between revealing your past ‘mistakes’ and suddenly revealing a whole and very significant side of yourself if you are still an active user.

If past, then I would not really think twice about telling a new partner and asking them to understand and accept whatever boundaries I had (e.g. being a total AA style abstinence person).

If present,I’d think through what I wanted longer term. It would be different to tell a person you are a keen drug lover and always will ve versus admitting ypu are currently fighting a problem and would value their support.

Whichever it is, all of the above revelations are going to give you a real insight into the deep true character of the person. Be prepared to accept they were not wholly who you thought they were if they respond with something other than total loving acceptance of you.
 
Our relationship is great. I'm in the NYC area-ish.

He did tell me a while ago, "even if it's bad I want to know about it." This is in regards to baggage I guess. Just seeing how his family was ravaged by substance abuse and his sister's passing in a car accident (under the influence) kind of makes me wonder if this might be an exception.

It's not like I'm on dope. I do have a colored-item galore popping habit but I don't consider adderall to be on par with the destructive or addictive nature of painkiller abuse. I've cleaned up a lot since two years ago, but I do use kratom daily and I am definitely relapse-prone.

Before this relationship I was in one for 6+ months and it started to get serious. My substance abuse issue didn't affect it at all--hence why I'm wondering if I should even tell him. But would him finding out if I hadn't told him be of worse consequence than outright telling him? I'm spending 2 or more weeks with him quite soon so I'll make a decision before then. :) Appreciate the replies, cheers brah.

Captain.Heroin said:
Would you feel bad if you didn't?
Click to expand...

Romance under the influence is the best feeling on earth. I feel guilty about being high around him though... but other than those moments where the issue overlaps with his presence I'm not quite sure. The times I've told people close to me that I have a substance abuse issue they've treated me like I'm a straight up retard--so I'm not the most open about my use to others. Wish people were kinder to addicts but I do get it honestly. Having an addict in your family isn't the most benign experience.
 
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hmmm kratom daily use?

adderall people tend tyo think is normal in US

either way your doing the adderall for fun i assume and the kratom for need

so the kratom is to get off painkiller pills?
 
If he's so great his instinct will be to protect you, nurture you, coddle you...nothing so tempting to a man as hearing that the woman of his affections has a big sad problem...he'll love you all the more. He's the best person to drop that on too, cause he will be the one who is there for you
And being that you have an intimate relationship...yes, he "should" know about this--Cause he'll find out anyway anyhow! You cant hide who you are.

so just talk with him about it if you feel like it, if not, dont worry. Maybe save the conversation for the ocassion on when your withdrawing off something, or having a bad trip, or depressed, and then you can have this talk and find support in him.
 
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