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Should I Cut Contact With Her?

Munchkoala said:
I had been in a relationship for two years with a girl from Europe. I live in Australia. I had a relapse, we had a fight, we broke up, she went back to Europe, and we were going to leave it at that.

No contact for about 15 days.

Then we established contact about 3 days ago and are talking like in a relationship again, albeit long distance - and the possibility of spending Christmas together.

This girl is a straighty-180. I have had a hefty drug habit on and off for half my life. I'm seeking treatment right now, and getting clean is something that only I can do on my own - that is obviously going to take time...months.

She has been supportive to an extent, but is over critical and uses my drug addiction against me when we argue, basically blaming nearly everything on me and my issues. She hides behinds her issues by blaming, and there is a weird kind of denial going on between us. It's not healthy, but I'm sure we could work on it.

Where there's a will there's a way. I can't lie, I still love this girl.

But, maybe I should just move on. There are more fish in the sea, right? And maybe I should just concentrate on getting better. I'm in two minds.
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let her go man. you need to concentrate on yourself. chances are if you spend ANY time on her at all while you are in recovery you will quickly slide backwards and be useless to both of you.

do you man.

edit: dont torture someone else with your bullshit while you sort it out. dont be selfish
 
MemphisX3 said:
let her go man. you need to concentrate on yourself. chances are if you spend ANY time on her at all while you are in recovery you will quickly slide backwards and be useless to both of you.

do you man.

edit: dont torture someone else with your bullshit while you sort it out. dont be selfish
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She wants me there.
MemphisX3 said:
fairy tales and wishful thinking itt.
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11,914 posts... I can see why.
 
Munchkoala said:
She wants me there.

11,914 posts... I can see why.
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whatever that means....


just because she wants you there doesnt mean its a good idea and that you should go.

it sounds like you have an addiction and she has a "i need to fix you" complex.

by all means go, do what you want. i was simply giving my input, if it rubbed you the wrong way you should evaluate why that is.

i said fairy tales and wishful thinking because i have yet to see a relationship like you have described come out as a good thing in the long run
 
MemphisX3 said:
whatever that means....


just because she wants you there doesnt mean its a good idea and that you should go.

it sounds like you have an addiction and she has a "i need to fix you" complex.

by all means go, do what you want. i was simply giving my input, if it rubbed you the wrong way you should evaluate why that is.

i said fairy tales and wishful thinking because i have yet to see a relationship like you have described come out as a good thing in the long run
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It means posting two times in a row when you clearly know how to use the edit button.

Nothing about what you have said has rubbed me the wrong way. During 15 years of addiction I've had my fill of "I need to fix you" type relationships which didn't last. One lasted 5 years and ended with her getting herself addicted to heroin.

I know numerous people in relationships with non-using partners, who have either had addictions or do not have addictions any longer. Go to your nearest NA/AA room, and you will find evidence of this, if you wish to see beyond your own line of sight.

Thanks so much for your valuable input.
 
Munchkoala said:
Nothing about what you have said has rubbed me the wrong way. During 15 years of addiction I've had my fill of "I need to fix you" type relationships which didn't last. One lasted 5 years and ended with her getting herself addicted to heroin.

I know numerous people in relationships with non-using partners, who have either had addictions or do not have addictions any longer. Go to your nearest NA/AA room, and you will find evidence of this, if you wish to see beyond your own line of sight.

Thanks so much for your valuable input.
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okay so you have been in these relationships before and they didn't work. one even ended with your SO, herself, becoming addicted to heroin...why do you think this one will turn out different. the definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results.

and yes im very active in AA and i also observe these relationships, however, the fellowship tells you from the jump that these relationships are not a good idea to even consider, let alone try, until you are ATLEAST a year into your sobriety. im not even going to waste my time on why its a bad idea as you already pointed out the obvious.

you are not well, your thinking is not logical when you are using. you need to concentrate on yourself and what drives you to use and finding different coping mechanisms. i think the majority of people find it selfish and reckless to involved someone else in your life while you do this.

i am sorry if this is coming of to you as a personal attack but it is not. if you would ever like to PM me and talk i am open to that.


edit: also, as i have said, i am very active in AA and it has been my experience and observation that the relationships that started in AA or before someone has worked on themselves never end well and often end with one or both parties relapsing. behind resentments, i would say that this situation is the number 2 offender. take of yourself dude
 
MemphisX3 said:
okay so you have been in these relationships before and they didn't work. one even ended with your SO, herself, becoming addicted to heroin...why do you think this one will turn out different. the definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results.

and yes im very active in AA and i also observe these relationships, however, the fellowship tells you from the jump that these relationships are not a good idea to even consider, let alone try, until you are ATLEAST a year into your sobriety. im not even going to waste my time on why its a bad idea as you already pointed out the obvious.

you are not well, your thinking is not logical when you are using. you need to concentrate on yourself and what drives you to use and finding different coping mechanisms. i think the majority of people find it selfish and reckless to involved someone else in your life while you do this.

i am sorry if this is coming of to you as a personal attack but it is not. if you would ever like to PM me and talk i am open to that.


edit: also, as i have said, i am very active in AA and it has been my experience and observation that the relationships that started in AA or before someone has worked on themselves never end well and often end with one or both parties relapsing. behind resentments, i would say that this situation is the number 2 offender. take of yourself dude
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It will turn out different because we are going to make it so. Partner doesn't use or drink. Will be living in snowfields and exploring Europe.

Thanks.
 
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