master puppeteer
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2010
- Messages
- 6
I guess I'll start off by explaining how I got to this point. The first time I got drunk enough to black out was when I was ten years old at a wedding in Long Island. That night I had found the escape to the hell I found myself in. Ever since that point I was looking to get off again. Fast forward four years and I'm slinging weed and pills to all my friends in middle school to support my eighth a day with a half litre of vodka habit. By my freshman year of high school I was popping 20mg of valium, smoking two joints, and having a minimum of six drinks before I got on the bus in the morning. I got kicked out of high school my sophomore year when a girl's parents found out I had traded her 5mg of valium and 5mg of hydrocodone for oral sex. At the time I was trading this kid a couple grams of weed for a bread bag filled to the brim of various prescription medications he was stealing from his junkie parents. So I figured I would go on a binge which ended with a ride in the back of a cop car to a hospital and a script for klonopin when my drug screen came up for benzodiazepines and weed. I ended up getting rid of the rest of my pill stockpile to my friends because oxycotin made me itch and amphetamine made my throat dry. Started partying again after a couple months of just sticking to my kpin script, vodka, and weed everyday. Ended up getting really obsessed with this girl started hanging out a lot with her until I got stalker like with her because of all the drugs I was on. Couple months later we start talking again. I still tell myself it was because I tapered off the alcohol and was using the benzodiazepines like I was supposed to. I finally snapped on Christmas Eve when she came over two nights before to get a few hundred milligrams of amphetamine but didn't invite me to the party Christmas Eve so I made plans to hangout with her three days later took 120mg of klonopin and drank it down with a half liter of vodka and a half liter of rum then proceeded to cut a line down my femoral artery I missed because I was drunk . When I awoke three days later she was dead. Blamed myself told myself it was from the speed. Started using RC's after a friend came over with a 1.5g container of wicked xxx. Did that stuff for nine months at the end I was using around 5g a day I would smoke until I nodded off wake up for just enough time for me to pack up three bowls in a row and nod off again. I managed to get sober and stay sober for two years using kratom for the wd's for the first month or so. I ended up meeting this woman who was 23 years older than me and a heroin addict she got kicked out of her apartment by her roommate when he found a couple bags of dope. She moved in with me because I was good in bed and copped her dope for her. I ended up getting her pregnant and she miscarried then cheated on me with a few guys. When I found out I left town and started drinking again not all that heavily. That lasted for four months until the girl who died two years before had her mother murdered by her stepfather. Once again I blamed myself for what happened I knew how bad her stepfather was. She once even asked me to kill him. I drank myself into oblivion while plotting his murder. Not to incriminate anybody for anything at this point I'll skip ahead a little bit. I ended up in the same cell block as him sharpened a tooth brush and waited until I was ready. Around a week in I decided I wasn't capable of killing anyone. After I got out I started drinking again got to about 15-30 beers a day tapered off to a six pack stopped drinking for a month went out west and became a member of the LDS church. Since becoming a Mormon three months ago I've only drank around 30 beers over the past three months and no longer feel the need to be wasted all the time. My mother thinks I should go to AA still but I don't think it's necessary since I've learned to stop blaming myself for everything. What are your opinions?
