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Should I be worried?

Z

zippermike

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 23, 2012
Messages
18
About a year and a half has went by since I stopped using Methadone. I went through a terrible period of withdrawals and made some serious life changes as a result. My earlier battle with withdrawal can be found here:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/638593-Question-about-Methadone-WD

As I said it has been about a year and a half now. I do not crave opiates of any kind, and I definitely could not see myself going back. My problem is, I can't seem to stay away from drug culture. Even though I am no longer on drugs(except blood pressure meds, diabetes meds, and an antidepressant), I find myself lurking around BL reading posts almost daily. Why? I don't hang out with any of my drug using friends anymore. I don't have cravings anymore. So why do I find the need to keep coming here? Is it some kind of psychological thing? Do you think it will hurt my recovery by continuously coming back and reading this site? Do I get some kind of kick out of reading post after post of people going through the same thing I did? Does this make me a sick person? Should I feel ashamed?
 
Bluelight can be a big help for a lot of people in staying sober.. or it can be a hinderance and a trigger. Only you know how it affects you personally.

BL is also a big place, there are lots of sub-forums on here, some a lot more triggering/potentially conducive to relapse or an anti-sober lifestyle, than others.

If you feel like being here is doing more harm than good and could cause you to relapse, then obviously you need to do right by yourself and step away.
 
^ What scag said..

Believe it or not, BL works as both a tigger & a help, to me, atleast.
It's more so a trigger if you travel to the darker side of BL..
Idk, but I swear by this - When I'm sick and I'm reading stories on BL about dope, I generally feel a little better.
 
^^

Yeah for me, like you said, it can either be a trigger or a big help.. it depends how I use it though.

Right now being clean, the harm reduction aspect and helping people with serious issues, helps me to stay sober and makes me feel good. It's a positive outlet in my life right now but that's not to say that it could ever be a negative, because it has been in the past. However, whether it is or isn't is up to me and how/where I choose to spend my time here.
 
Thanks for the replies! I can definitely see the harmful aspects of hanging around, but at the same time I find it almost therapeutic. I guess I'm just gonna keep lurking about until I no longer feel the urge maybe. As long as I'm not relapsing I guess I can afford my trips to BL. I've thought about trying to get more active, especially on the Sober Living and TDS forums, where maybe my experiences could help someone going through something similar. However, I think reliving them too much may become a trigger for me. Anyway I'll be lurking thanks again for the replies!
 
^^

Well start slowly then. Make a few posts here and there in those forums you mentioned and see how you feel. If it ends up being a trigger, then stop, but you might find that it ends up actually helping you a great deal.
 
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