So I had plans with my girl and it turns out she invited one of my friends to hang out with us. She didn't make sure it was fine with me, she doesn't talk to him (at least she says she doesn't) but she knows we are good friends. He doesn't have a girlfriend and she knows that, she only invited him without a date. I got mad and she thinks there is nothing wrong with it. Am I overreacting. Keep in mind I knew nothing of it, he didn't tell me and she didn't tell me, he also never mentions that he talks to her.
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
should I be worried?
- Thread starter javie
- Start date
KoreyS
Bluelighter
Worried? Hmm, possibly. Angry, yes. Or at least I would be.
Your post is pretty vague but if I were you and my gf contacted one of my male friends without my consent who she has absolutely no sort of rapport with, I wouldn't be happy.
Edit: My main concern wouldn't be that she has "a thing" for your friend in that way; it would be that she doesn't seem to respect that you may not want these two worlds to collide.
Your post is pretty vague but if I were you and my gf contacted one of my male friends without my consent who she has absolutely no sort of rapport with, I wouldn't be happy.
Edit: My main concern wouldn't be that she has "a thing" for your friend in that way; it would be that she doesn't seem to respect that you may not want these two worlds to collide.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Mmh...I get why you're annoyed but I also think you're overreacting a bit. If it bothers you so much, tell your girlfriend and talk things through with her. That's really the only solution 
P.S. Korey, 'without your consent'? C'mon, she can talk to who she wants...
P.S. Korey, 'without your consent'? C'mon, she can talk to who she wants...
KoreyS
Bluelighter
Mmh...I get why you're annoyed but I also think you're overreacting a bit. If it bothers you so much, tell your girlfriend and talk things through with her. That's really the only solution
P.S. Korey, 'without your consent'? C'mon, she can talk to who she wants...
She can't go around giving out surprise invitations to what was supposed to be a private evening between the two of them. She should have asked if he'd be down for the addition of a third party.
Also, I would not be pleased with her going behind my back and trying to speak to my male friends who she has no rapport with. The OP should be able to choose whether or not he wants these two worlds to collide.
Just my personal opinion if I were to put myself in the shoes of the OP.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
I wasn't referring to the OP's situation. As I said, I get why he's pissed if she invited the friend to what was supposed to be their couple time.
My issue is with you saying 'my gf contacted one of my male friends without my consent who she has absolutely no sort of rapport with, I wouldn't be happy.'
Your girlfriend is allowed to speak to whoever she damn pleases tbh.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
My issue is with you saying 'my gf contacted one of my male friends without my consent who she has absolutely no sort of rapport with, I wouldn't be happy.'
Your girlfriend is allowed to speak to whoever she damn pleases tbh.
KoreyS
Bluelighter
I wasn't referring to the OP's situation. As I said, I get why he's pissed if she invited the friend to what was supposed to be their couple time.
My issue is with you saying 'my gf contacted one of my male friends without my consent who she has absolutely no sort of rapport with, I wouldn't be happy.'
Your girlfriend is allowed to speak to whoever she damn pleases tbh.
How do you think she got in contact with this guy she doesn't even know? If we were to reverse the tables, I know I wouldn't feel right randomly messaging my girlfriend's friends or looking up their numbers and calling them. You have to think, if she doesn't know the friend, and OP never wanted this, what could her motive possibly be? Why would she want this guy there if she doesn't even know him and why would she go to such lengths to get his contact info? The guy is entitled to his privacy. I'd feel that I was having my privacy violated if I had a girlfriend and she tried to to bring my friend/ family life into the picture with her.
Just my personal opinion. Not trying to worry the OP or piss anyone off
Edit: I wouldn't get too worried about it, but I would kindly inform her that she cannot be crossing these boundaries
curiosity
Bluelighter
was it supposed to be a "date" or just hanging out sort of thing? if your just hanging out she could just be trying to show you that shes not the type that wants you all to yourself and doesnt mind you hanging out with your friends as well which isn't really a bad thing but like korey said your post is pretty vague
llama112
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2010
- Messages
- 4,468
She probably didn't understand it was supposed to be a date. Maybe she didn't understand your intentions. Maybe she thought you'd WANT to hang out with your friend.
Also, I agree with what Pagey said. The girl can contact whoever she want. And, if the tables were turned, the OP can talk to whoever he wants to as well.
Also, I agree with what Pagey said. The girl can contact whoever she want. And, if the tables were turned, the OP can talk to whoever he wants to as well.
rangrz
Bluelighter
I'd be annoyed, only in so far as I don't like it when I have plans to go out with ANYONE (my S/O or a platonic friend) and they invite someone else without asking me about it first.
But it's just an annoyance and not a big deal. I just tell them "Hey, like I had plans to hang with you one on one (or with a whoever else we had agreed to invite) and I was looking forward to that and you invited this person without asking me. It's kind of not cool, but we'll still have fun, and in the future, just ask me before you invite someone?"
But it's just an annoyance and not a big deal. I just tell them "Hey, like I had plans to hang with you one on one (or with a whoever else we had agreed to invite) and I was looking forward to that and you invited this person without asking me. It's kind of not cool, but we'll still have fun, and in the future, just ask me before you invite someone?"
Hammilton
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2008
- Messages
- 3,435
How long have you been together? How much time are you spending together? If it's somewhat new and your time together is somewhat limited, and you're still really getting to know each other, I'd be annoyed, but I sure as fuck wouldn't show it or let her in on that. Your goal, I assume to is to copulate with her. That's best accomplished by not getting upset about things that she wants to do. Getting pissed about something that's genuinely inconsequential in her mind is a good way to come off as an overbearing douche bag. Does she just want to get to know your friends? That's a good indication that she's serious about you. Are you threatened by this fellows looks or penis size? I don't think you have much to worry about- most girls of quality aren't going to break up with you for one of your best friends. It'd make her look like a whore, and that's generally not desired. If it's the latter you're concerned about, you're probably in the clear, while you don't state what was planned for your date, I don't think his penis will be making an unclothed appearance.
Calm down, relax. Tell her that you would have preferred to have spent your time together alone, getting to know each other properly, but after you're done doing whatever, you'd like her to come back to your place, sans your buddy, and 'get to know each other properly' - you should probably use air quotes. (second thought, definitely air quotes).
If you've been together a while, you're spending most of your time together, and your relationship is stable and committed, why do you care at all? Maybe she would like some variety in her life- not sexually- but wants to do something different for a change. That's probably all it is.
Maybe she wants an MMF three-way?
Calm down, relax. Tell her that you would have preferred to have spent your time together alone, getting to know each other properly, but after you're done doing whatever, you'd like her to come back to your place, sans your buddy, and 'get to know each other properly' - you should probably use air quotes. (second thought, definitely air quotes).
If you've been together a while, you're spending most of your time together, and your relationship is stable and committed, why do you care at all? Maybe she would like some variety in her life- not sexually- but wants to do something different for a change. That's probably all it is.
Maybe she wants an MMF three-way?
its one thing to have her ask you to bring some of your friends along but to contact them directly is a little odd. red flag.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
...So your girlfriend wanting to be friends with yoru friends is 'violating your privacy'?
You must be the first person I've ever met who doesn't want their S/O getting along with their friends.
As llama said, she might've thought the OP would want his friend there. I'm getting annoyed at you Korey because you're making it sound slightly as if your girlfriend's your property.
I mean come on, it's not cuz she's speaking to another guy that she necessarily has questionable motives...
KoreyS
Bluelighter
Pretty much agree with this.
Sure, she has the right to, but just because she can doesn't mean she should. She's obviously doing something
that doesn't respect her boyfriend's wishes or else he would have never made this thread. It has nothing to do with being controlling or possessive and everything to do with respecting her own boyfriend's wishes. He has the right to not be happy with her contacting people in his personal life, provided the only reason she would have in the first place is because she became midly aquainted with that person through him. Nobody is trying to say she is his property. The issue isn't her wanting to be friends with his friends; it's the way she's going about doing it.
It might seem like a bit of a stretch, but what if you came home and your bf was having a random, private phone conversation with your brother or your parents or your grandparents. Or what if he started phoning up your employer? Would you say "well he can talk to whoever he wants"?
Like you said, she might have thought the OP wanted the friend there, but judging by this thread he didn't. It's not a big deal. I would just ask her to please not do that again and be more courteous about me keeping these two world's seperate. Why would any of that annoy you? I find that a little strange. If I had a girlfriend I would probably not introduce her to my family or friends and would hope that she would take the hint. Again, it's no biggie. Everybody's different and some people just enjoy their privacy like that
curiosity
Bluelighter
Theirs privacy and then theirs being ridiculous. That's like saying were going to get married but my families not going to be there because i don't want you meeting them, it almost seems like your trying to hide something and your using "privacy" as an excuses. A girlfriend talking to your FRIENDS or FAMILY has nothing to do with YOUR privacy, it's not like she's going through your messages or anything she's getting better acquianted with the people she's going to be seeing when shes goes to your place or a family even like your birthday etc, theirs nothing wrong with this. It almost sounds like your ashamed of your girlfriends not wanting them to meet your family, geuss what when relationships get serious and you get married one day THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY and you parents and sibling have all the right to know who the mother of there grandkid/nephew/neice is going to be. Not to mention i'm sure your friends would like to know that you have a good girlfriend. Not to mention i'm sure your friends won't be to happy if you can't see them as much anymore because you refuse to see them at the same time as your girlfriend. I'm sure theres plenty more I could add to this that I can't think of at the moment.
KoreyS
Bluelighter
Okay, let me tell you this story then if you apparently don't seem to understand my stance: About 4-5 years I dated this girl for a few months while I was living with my mom. I found out through my mom that she had called multiple times when I was not home and said things to my mom that made her think she was very weird. She started asking my mom if she could come over and if she could go grocery shopping with her, actually speaking like they'd known each other for years. This caused my mom to think she was very weird (she actually did suffer from very severe mental health issues) and subsequently made me feel very embarassed. After I told her to please not call and have conversations with my mom like they're best buds, she started leaving messages on the answering machine, sometimes 3-4 in a matter of hours. Sometimes when I'd purposely not answer the phone she'd say "Korey did I do something wrong to make you upset last night?" and then my mom would hear and it would make me feel awkward and uncomfortable and embarassed. I had no choice but to ask her to please never speak to my mom again and never leave messages on the answering machine again.
I know this may seem a lot different, but there's just one example of how these things can make someone feel uncomfortable.
curiosity
Bluelighter
I've been in a very simmilair situation, but that doesn't mean you treat every girlfriend like there going to act like that... that's like saying i got jumped by a black guy once so i'm going to get jumped by every black guy i see and therefore will just not go near any black guy again, it's stereotyping... and a lot of girls would be quite insulted by it.
KoreyS
Bluelighter
Not really. I'm not stereotyping. I never said this should be applied to every girl. Infact, I hate when people make close-minded generalizations about people like the example you provided. Like I said in my very first post, it's pretty vague from the get-go. He knows more about the situation than anyone here does, and he says he got angry.
But whatever. It's all good
coelophysis
Bluelight Crew
lel