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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Should I be scared or happy?

xxsicknessxx

xxsicknessxx

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
1,014
Anyone who has read some posts from me in the past have read that I think people are out to drive me crazy, That they mess with my food, clothes, smokes, my life. They follow me, they torture me at night, they are ruining my life.... well
After 9 months of this strait (and after years of this on and off) I Have been sober 9months about a week ago out of no where I just got it into my head that if people around me tell me im crazy maybe there not against me, maybe there not all part of the plot maybe there just stating the facts and im the one who is crazy not everyone else... its been a week strait and I don't get eltrocuted at night, and I fear clear headed in comparison to a week ago..... but ... it scares me that things changed so fast. One day there out to get me and there torturing me and driving me nuts the next day the same things look to me to just be normal events, and not that people are out to get me that im just misreading everything to make me think there out to get me... reinforcing my crazy thoughts with stuff that proves im right and ignoring the other 90percent that would lead me to believe I have something wrong with me do to my life I have lived..

Anyways.. its not over I feel it on the sidelines.... just waiting to come back full blow again im going to call it delusinal .... im scared

Will it come back? Is this just a pause in the storm. I take meds (zoloft and abilifiy) for this and I just added the zoloft so maybe thats whats helping me see clearly.... but I don't want it to go away. I don't want to fall back into thinking everyone is out to get me..

Another thing beside adding zoloft I also smoked week again for the first time in 9months... and in fact the weed made me look at everything from a new perspective and I got it into my head that things are not what I think they are (parnoaid) that this is real and it just cleared everything up

Is that weird? I guess my worry now is it seems so sudden after 9months of being stuck in a haze like 1 hit of weed could clear it all up
Or is it the pills just started working? or the new combo of pills... I dunno

I just don't know what to do with this new found way of thinking like I should... Do I find a new doctor? someone who is better?

I see the county psy care... because of my healthcare... and they are not very good... should I try to find a real psy or just assume im fixed and so long as I stay on my meds im ok?

Did weed play a part... how odd that right when I smoke the paranoia changed and wasn't as bad as it had been and I could look at things differently with common sense and pay attention to the facts instead of reading into everything in a paranoid way

Any thoughts on all of this?

Its like 9months of crap then 1 week things seem better... am I to hopefull in hoping this is for real that my brain is really getting better? or are they really all after me and this is part of there plan to make me feel better before returining full force to destory my life (sounds crazy) but is it
 
not sure what happened but i know that feeling. It's great that you had a massive revelation. Try to remember this state of mind. That's exactly how i felt coming out of drug induced psychosis, like a light switched or something and my perspective just changed. No one is after you. If it sounds crazy then it is crazy. You have to learn to not trust your instincts, they are not always right and your gut feelings can often steer you completely wrong. I think you are getting better, i'd just keep doing whatever you're doing and remember that no one is out to get out.

Maybe cannabis opened up your mind to other possibilities, it does have a tendency for making people completely paranoid though so i'd be careful with it, maybe it's the meds starting to work. Try to remember that no one is out there trying to destroy your life. As cruel as humans can be, if ruining your life does not benefit anyone else then there is absolutely no motivation for anyone to bother.

anyway, that's great news, i hope you keep up the progress and stay well.
 
Everyone kept telling me I was crazy but I figured they were lying to me that the only way to explain voices was someone was making them. DUUHHH shit its in my head that makes more sense... its still hard for me to type about this because I worry someone may be checking what i write. I can't just drop it all together the fear of "they" who ever they are...

But I feel a tons better knowing that I was stuck in another delusion that it wasn't what I thought no one is after me or hates me, but jesus.. I don't get why weed fixed my thinking but it did im just worried now I don't want to go back into the delusion its a scary place. I got lots of big things going on right now I need to move, coming back to work... another break in my mind would cost me a lot...

Anyone know if psychosis can last 9months? Did I give my self schizophrenia with drugs? Could this be forever psychosis and im just having a break in my delusions right now and it will end? What should I do? I see a psy but hes county and he sucks..
What do I do? I can't fall back into my delusions there taking me life away sucking my energery and mind and causing me to be afraid to much I need a way to make sure this never happens again? anyone
 
you definitely could have given yourself schizophrenia with drugs. I am very susceptible to delusions, psychosis, hearing, seeing things from drugs. If it was drug induced then it should just go away. 9 months is a long time but it's possible medication could help you get back to normal and be relatively normal.

What helped me was to realize that i was having delusions and then to suppress them and just keep telling myself no matter how real it feels, it's just me and it's in my head. So think about why someone would check what you write. It's not logical and is a very common symptom of paranoia. Why would someone be out to get you? why would someone put forth the energy and time to check what you are writing?

I used to have a problem with thought broadcasting and thinking that people could read my thoughts and it was very hard to not believe that it was happening. After looking at the common symptoms of schizophrenia and paranoia i started to realize that this is what i was experiencing and it was most likely a delusion. That didn't really make a difference though, what made me change is that if i kept believing these things, whether true or not it was going to negatively impact my mind. So don't worry if these things are true or not just realize you have to believe they aren't true so that you can live.

i'd see a different psych if your current one sucks. If you go to therapy it is always helpful to have someone to ground you and to tell you if you are just being delusional or paranoid. You have to find someone you trust so that you don't end up thinking they are 'in on it'. Most people aren't out there to fuck you over, most people are so consumed with themselves that they do not have the time, energy or resources to worry about anyone else.

i don't think it's a permanent psychosis. The realization you had that this stuff is mostly in your head is the start of getting your sanity back. At least that's my experience.
 
Stay clean man, 9 months is a solid effort. The cleaner your body is, the clearer your mind becomes.
I wouldn't mess around with weed too frequently if I were you.
Sure, it could have played a role in making you look at the world differently, but after reading of your history, i really don't think pot will help you if it becomes a regular thing.
 
How would you feel if you found out the last 9months you spent stuck in a delusion and you were in all simple terms crazy....
I mean I have been going in and out of psycoiss from first time I did a drug that made me stay up for a week.... after that after my first break I would have breaks whenever I was tried, or in WD, or just fatiqued... anyway this time around i quit drugs but I guess I stayed in psycoiss.. I started taking meds but it wasn't untill 1 week ago I smoked weed and it let me see how wrong I was about everything. Voices and shit it wasn't someone after me it was just me being crazy.. Now im scared dunno if im scitz, or just in long extended psycoiss... if it will keep getting better or I will have another relapse of delusions... I don't like being crazy its like being all alone from everyone on earth you really think world against you its scary.. I have to fix this now while im sane before I go nuts :(

get my fearas? my worrys? Why I don't trust this... it just happened.. like wham someone took off my blinders and I can see more clearly now...

fucking weed solves a lot of problems I guess
 
My brother humbled me and helped me come to a realization when I went through psychosis. He said, 'dude, it's egotistical to think all these people are out to get you. Think about it, you're not that important.'

Harsh yeah but so true. Once I came back to reality, it made sense.
 
did it last? Were you in a delusion for close to 9months? Trapped in your paranoid thinking?
Im just worried I Will fall back into it I dunno what to do Im already on meds but they didn't help before (the weed did it) now when I wake up its not like it was however I worry that I might fall back into it the delusion what do I do?
 
I am glad you are feeling better. I know when I took Abilify it made me delusional. For me that medication was the devil. I couldn't even be home by myself because of fear and paranoia.
 
my delusions did go away. I was delusional for about 3 months, took a month to come down from psychosis. Mine was amphetamine psychosis.

I really hope yours stops for good. Stay strong.
 
xxsicknessxx said:
did it last? Were you in a delusion for close to 9months? Trapped in your paranoid thinking?
Im just worried I Will fall back into it I dunno what to do Im already on meds but they didn't help before (the weed did it) now when I wake up its not like it was however I worry that I might fall back into it the delusion what do I do?
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One of the best things that you can do, not only to enjoy the time right now but also to start working on changing a habit for the future, would be to relax and enjoy that you are feeling good. Don't question whether or not it will last or why it is happening or what it means. Especially, try not to worry about losing this state of being. Right now, in the present, practice just staying in the present. Worry is continually jumping into the future and projecting things that may happen. Worry gets all sorts of support for that from focusing simply on the bad experiences from the past. You have been given a beautiful gift--one that I and many others here are so happy to see you get--just relax and look at the wrapping paper and ribbon. Take it in. Sit with it and open it slowly. When it is in your hands, get to know it. Feel every last detail--how the tension in your body is less and your thoughts are free. There is probably a lot of healing power in this for you, xxsicknessxx. Whatever and wherever it came from, relax into it. You have been having such a rough year and I am so happy that you get a break. (((<3)))
 
First, congratulations on your 9 months clean. That is a major accomplishment and it will work in your favor in the long run.

We can't diagnose you over the Internet and we aren't doctors. I will give my advice as the daughter of a mother whose schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder was not due to drugs. The delusions and hallucinations can be stopped through careful medication management and therapy by your medical team. The newer antipsychotics were not available when my mother was suffering. I am told they have made a huge positive difference in the lives of schizophrenics.

Have you been formally diagnosed, xxsicknessxx, with schizophrenia or with anything else? Although I have read your threads before, I'm having a little difficulty understanding.

It is absolutely possible for psychosis to result from drug use. It is awful to experience - a 100 hour binge on uppers a few years ago was the only time I myself ever broke from reality. I did not inherit my mother's condition - other issues, for sure. I was convinced that people were in my friend's apartment spying on us when we were the only two people there. I decided to sleep for several hours after that, and when I woke up, I was completely lucid and rested. Whatever is going on in your mind, if you're not getting enough sleep or a high quality of sleep, now is the time to address that. I now have a near-nightly ritual of chamomile tea. It has helped more than any drug.

Herby's advice (as is all the advice in this thread) seems very sound to me. As tough as it is to enjoy a moment of relief and specialness after having experienced adversity, you deserve it. You deserve to live peacefully as a human being with thoughts and experiences that are happy ones. If the medication regimen you are on works, continue to look at it as a tool to preserve and improve your mental and physical health.

Many competent psychiatrists work in the public health system. I elected to go the self-pay private route, and my shrink is worth it because there is an atmosphere of trust in our doctor-patient relationship. I've been seeing him for 6 years. He takes insurance but not my emergency-only, high-deductible policy. We've worked out a sliding scale. In the public or any system, you have the right to a competent provider. Communication is so important between doctor and patient. You need to tell your doctor your concerns and s/he needs to tell you his or her concerns. Only then can your concerns be addressed.

I hope your peace is lasting and that you use this time to re-learn and continue to develop coping skills. Will things get rough again? In some way, for sure. Now is the time for you to take action to improve your life in whatever way you feel is necessary. Do you go to school or have a job? I believe very much in the concept of "environmental engineering" - creating a safe and happy space for yourself. Your bed was not electrocuting you. It is statistically very unlikely that anyone was doing anything to your food or your property. Most people are too concentrated on their own lives and most people are not malicious. Of course, this does not negate the need to protect yourself against harm. I'm a worrywart too. I have learned the difference between real threats (e.g., a stranger pointing a gun at me and telling me to give him my purse) and imagined threats ('that person looks like they might be carrying a gun'). My level of vigilance is not something I allow to interfere with my life anymore. I use it wisely - in the foregoing example, since I am a female who often drives alone on dark roads at night, it's prudent for me to have pepper spray in easy reach. I lock my doors at night but I do not barricade them. I don't let people I don't know into my house. I know a bit about self-defense. Basic precautions tailored to me and my lifestyle have made it so that I can live without the terrors that used to nag at my mind.

I hope you are able to develop the coping skills now, when you are experiencing relative peace, so that even if the peace does not stay forever, you will be better at coping with whatever may come in the future.
 
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