Shuddr2Think
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2000
- Messages
- 1,049
sometimes on days like today
i think back to a year ago
how things have changed
and how much i miss myself
(and how much i miss you)
whoever you are
since i only know you in glances
brief segements and events
in my mind on repeat
a slow motion you
a series of memories which
have played in my mind
for too long
too often.
for all i know
maybe you are the sun
and i am just
resentful of the warmth you bring
fooling me into thinking i am
at ease with
life.
coz when you are gone
my teeth chatter
and i find myself
cold shivering and
babbling about how much
i wish i knew
how much i wish
i could say
i wish i want i need i love
i don't know anymore.
as is usual in my life
these words fall upon deaf ears..
spoken to anyone but you
and the things i will never say to you
are so immense
so unintentionally
overwhelming
that i find myself drowning in it.
even after a year.
unbelievably
tired of myself
tired of you
tired of this lack of
human contact and release
regreting myself
and my actions which are too
irrational to explain to you in words
you know a part of me
would love to shake you
to make you see
there is more than this
and you will be happy one day
and when you are tired of thinking
when your mind finally comes to a halt
i will still be around
with an open mind
and an empty shoulder
my mind full
with love and respect
for you.
i fall across these moments constantly
tripping over my own fears and
this tension causing
cracks in my own facade
and
making me fall
yet somehow it all makes perfect sense
the perfect situation always brings
doubts
but i don't doubt you
anymore than myself.
i could be happy
knowing that you will be there
if i would just be happy
knowing you
but i constantly fall more
and im clumsy like a child
and this makes no sense to me.
i saturate myself
with words and emotions which all break down to one thing...
i wish i could be on your mind
the way you are on mine.
you are (i am)
a reminder of those things
just out of reach
irrational as it may seem
i care too much
even tho you don't see it.
and i am sorry if i seem
out of control
obessed
unrelenting
with my thoughts
daydreaming and living through
this insanity
in in a way i guess this is my
dedication to you
my words never spoken out loud
too harsh and too real to make any sense to anyone but myself...
and
im struggling
to find myself
and you
before we're both gone.
and before we're both
alone.
i think back to a year ago
how things have changed
and how much i miss myself
(and how much i miss you)
whoever you are
since i only know you in glances
brief segements and events
in my mind on repeat
a slow motion you
a series of memories which
have played in my mind
for too long
too often.
for all i know
maybe you are the sun
and i am just
resentful of the warmth you bring
fooling me into thinking i am
at ease with
life.
coz when you are gone
my teeth chatter
and i find myself
cold shivering and
babbling about how much
i wish i knew
how much i wish
i could say
i wish i want i need i love
i don't know anymore.
as is usual in my life
these words fall upon deaf ears..
spoken to anyone but you
and the things i will never say to you
are so immense
so unintentionally
overwhelming
that i find myself drowning in it.
even after a year.
unbelievably
tired of myself
tired of you
tired of this lack of
human contact and release
regreting myself
and my actions which are too
irrational to explain to you in words
you know a part of me
would love to shake you
to make you see
there is more than this
and you will be happy one day
and when you are tired of thinking
when your mind finally comes to a halt
i will still be around
with an open mind
and an empty shoulder
my mind full
with love and respect
for you.
i fall across these moments constantly
tripping over my own fears and
this tension causing
cracks in my own facade
and
making me fall
yet somehow it all makes perfect sense
the perfect situation always brings
doubts
but i don't doubt you
anymore than myself.
i could be happy
knowing that you will be there
if i would just be happy
knowing you
but i constantly fall more
and im clumsy like a child
and this makes no sense to me.
i saturate myself
with words and emotions which all break down to one thing...
i wish i could be on your mind
the way you are on mine.
you are (i am)
a reminder of those things
just out of reach
irrational as it may seem
i care too much
even tho you don't see it.
and i am sorry if i seem
out of control
obessed
unrelenting
with my thoughts
daydreaming and living through
this insanity
in in a way i guess this is my
dedication to you
my words never spoken out loud
too harsh and too real to make any sense to anyone but myself...
and
im struggling
to find myself
and you
before we're both gone.
and before we're both
alone.
