I've been using drugs of all sorts for 11 years or so and i'm still at it.
Thinking on it I realise the bad definitely outweighs the good times i've had. I'm still in the grip of addiction because i don't feel i can manage my feelings without substances.
As soon as i wake up, i take my self prescribed medications which are currently kratom and etizolam. I then head to work feeling better about myself.
Work certainly helps me in a way because my job involves helping other people and naturally that takes me out of myself. However, once work finishes i go back home and i'm by myself because i don't have a social life or friends i can talk to. I think that's what makes me feel so bad about myself, if i were busy and had friends i wouldn't have so much time to think about myself.
It's taking that first step and joining clubs or going to meetups to make friends that is difficult for me. If things don't work out like i had planned in my mind, i take back two steps back. I'm trying but i berate myself if i believe i have come across badly and people would rather not know. God, talk about being self-obsessed. Hence, i sometimes think back to 11 years ago when i did have friends and a social life and wish i could invent a time machine and go back and do things differently.
On the plus side, i do have a really supportive family and my niece who is nearly two never fails to make me smile, i love her so much.
Thinking on it I realise the bad definitely outweighs the good times i've had. I'm still in the grip of addiction because i don't feel i can manage my feelings without substances.
As soon as i wake up, i take my self prescribed medications which are currently kratom and etizolam. I then head to work feeling better about myself.
Work certainly helps me in a way because my job involves helping other people and naturally that takes me out of myself. However, once work finishes i go back home and i'm by myself because i don't have a social life or friends i can talk to. I think that's what makes me feel so bad about myself, if i were busy and had friends i wouldn't have so much time to think about myself.
It's taking that first step and joining clubs or going to meetups to make friends that is difficult for me. If things don't work out like i had planned in my mind, i take back two steps back. I'm trying but i berate myself if i believe i have come across badly and people would rather not know. God, talk about being self-obsessed. Hence, i sometimes think back to 11 years ago when i did have friends and a social life and wish i could invent a time machine and go back and do things differently.
On the plus side, i do have a really supportive family and my niece who is nearly two never fails to make me smile, i love her so much.
