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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

shit i think ive created a monster.

F

fluxy

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 21, 2008
Messages
221
I moved in with an old friend cause i was homeless and toally fucked on a high dose of methadone and doing oxys and fentanyl on the side. over the past few months he was dipping into my supplies and getting high with me and now he will steal anything i leave there for even a second. i told him that he has so many problems, an opiate habit is not good for you no way man, but he has totally picked up my bad habits. used my needles, injecting himself, and now his 3 days wihtout anything and totally hanging out and throwing up and begging me to help him (get more) hes a total train wreck, but i need a place to stay. He wont take no for an answer and will steal my pills when im sleeping from my pockets if he can or has to. he also has a woman who is on oxys and he totally hijacked her supply of 30's in a week. (56 all up) and has brought this upon himself a lot, what are peoples thoughts on this? how much of this should i think is my doing and how much is his doing? what should i do?

really i know this is a fucked situation, but id like some input, or others thoughts on it..... please.... thanks
 
Doesn't sound like an optimal living situation. I wouldn't say it's your doing that he's deciding to start using opiates since he can make his own choices although those choices may not be fully conscious. But I wouldn't want to be staying with somebody that is stealing from me on a daily basis and doesn't have any respect for my boundaries. Perhaps there is another place for you to stay?
 
no, there is no place to stay. not long term anyway, more than a few days. He is a gambler primary addiction so theres no money EVER. and he takes no responsibility for anything at all. he has paranoid spectrum schizophrenia with no insight into his illness. He thinks its going to be roses tomorrow all the time, and thinks nothings wrong until he gets a craving and will just stand there and say, look, i know youve got drugs, ill do anything. im just going to annoy you until you give me SOMETHING, and he will do it. ill often leave the house because of it. just a place to sleep really. the only only reason it works is because HE spends 99% of his time with a lady upstairs who is just as fucked as him, and they argue and make up in a constant cycle. its crazy, like nothing i have ever seen before. argue, make up. yell, praise. depression. elation. both of them. ive learnt to come home with a bar of chocolate, and about 20mg of my methadone spit out just in case to give to him so he stays upstairs. luckily for me, she broke 3 ribs a while ago and gets heaps of oxys prescribed, on top of other codeine and endone from another doctor + lots of benzoes. once shes bled dry, then he comes to me. its so saf cause he was a really good friend from highschool who was a genius and never got "it" with life. i have no where else to go as im not able to hold down a job and my welfare payments arent enough to cover rent, methadone etc. i pay my rent here in food or drugs more or less. like you say, not ideal situation but its a roof over my head and after living in a stairwell and being kicked out and woken up by other people living there and the owners of the building and the caretaker and the police, not having a toilet or shower or fridge, kitchen anything and no place to put anything, for over a year, This place is heaven compared to that. i was totally down and out. on welfare and NO where to stay sometimes. do you know what thats like? at the end of the day, everyone goes home and sleeps and then its another day but when your homeless, even after a great day out with friends or church etc, and you cant even get into a stairwell or some shelter and you have to make do thru a cold night with the clothes on your back only drenched in your own sweat, in the layers of clothes youve put on and you havent been able to shower since 2 weeks ago, and having to avoid people on public transport or anywhere because you know you smell to high heaven, its torture. man, anything is better than that. and it happened quickly for me too. for ages i stayed in backpackers hostel and it was great but i lost my passport, and now no backpackers will take you without a passport, and even then most places wont take australians in there own country cause there usually too much trouble.
 
and it feels like one cold, harsh day your lving with no end,cause you never get a good nights sleep. it drains you until you crack, but then when your at bottom, you cant even just stay in bed cause there is no place to stay! let alone have a blanket. you just get more and more anxious and just try and get stoned enough to pass out on a chair somwhere for some rest, but even then, usually someone will tell you "you cant sleep here" you cant stay here, or the police are called, or even the ambos poor guys cause your sleeping and someone thinks youve od'd. And THAT THOSE MEMORIES are why i tolerate all this. its survival for me. i couldnt go homeless again i just couldnt do it its so so so mindfucking being in an endless sleepless day and cold nights, constantly being moved on cause no one wants you there....
 
^ Things will change, they have to. I was in a pretty bad spot with having a place to live for a really long time, like years, but eventually things changed. You're obviously not gonna be able to stay where you are forever, so things are about to change one way or another. Just put yourself in the best position for it to be a good thing instead of a bad thing.
 
This guy doesn't sound like much of a friend. I would never steal from a friend on a daily basis, no matter how sick I was. And yes, I've been in that situation.

I think you need to let yourself off the hook. You're not totally responsible for this so called "monster." You may have introduced him to drugs and certain "bad habits," but he's an adult, and he's responsible for his own decisions and horrible behavior, especially when he does it again and again. Try to take your guilt out of the decision making equation and make a pragmatic decision. Is it in your best interest to keep living with him? Is the physical shelter worth all of the emotional stress? Maybe this would be a good time in your life to try to quit using and the lifestyle in general.
 
Could you maybe not use this experience to reduce your intake? Maybe taper off your meds for a while? In turn you will also be reducing his intake - if the price you have to pay for having a roof over your head is to reduce your meds (and save some money in the process or pay him x amount rent [what he does with it is his choice]).

Good luck
 
You could check yourself into rehab as a Medicaid patient if you want to get off this roller coaster. Your friend is not the real issue here--it's your addiction.
You can't expect things to improve for as long as you keep using. Methadone used in a vacuum is not a solution.
 
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