She's Married and I Don't Know What to Do

[sixburgh]

My ex and I have been together for 7 years +/- (off and on) total. She has since gotten married. Ever since she's gotten married, her and I have became closer and even better friends than we've ever been before (and we were BESTFRIENDS before the marriage). We also have a son together, which isn't an issue as she lets me see him as much as I want to (which is always).

I live out of town (for work) in the North Myrtle Beach area and often fly my son down here and he stays for 3 weeks-month. Other times, I fly back up to Pittsburgh, PA for a few weeks-month to spend time with him.

I guess my dilemma is, with her and I being so close, she has since started sending me pics of her in thongs and pics of her in see through panties. However, when I bring up fucking her while I'm there to visit, she insists she can't because she's married. But other times (while I'm down here in the south) she tells me she's willing to cheat on her husband with me because she misses my dick and our sex. But is worried about getting caught, etc. while I'm there.

I've been in other relationships while her and I were 'seperated' and have brought girl(s) from South Carolina to Pennsylvania and my son's mother and I have always snuck around and fucked during so. Her being married makes things a lot different now, IMO. Yet, she still wants to be fuck buddies cuz "i'm her baby daddy and she loves me and my dick". Now don't get me wrong, I'm completely cool with fucking her since her and I are both into the same degree of rough and tough sex, but it's a little weird with her being married now.

I haven't fucked her since she's been married, but I definitely could if I want to. Which brings me to the other point, throughout this time that we've been seperated, her and I have became even closer than before and we've both brought up things like "too bad we weren't this close and cool with each other before", etc. We've also both talked about getting back together, her divorcing her husband, so her, I, and our son could live together as a nuclear family and also because we still love eachother. Which I'm all for, BUT...

We've both done a lot of growing and have kept in touch (since I'm always there for my son and even her daughter who I've raised since birth) but we were just never able to work it out while we were together, young and dumb. But now that we've both grown and have aged, (I'm 25 and she's 28)and matured, we seem to be more on the straight path and have more in common than ever before.

Her and I txt and talk nonstop all day, every day, to the point where her husband argues over whether her and I have something going on. I just don't know what to do. I love this girl to death and always have and STILL do, despite all the problems.

Is this something I should try to pursue since she discreetly shows interest or I just let what's been done be done?

 

[StAy HiGh]

My honest opinion would be not to have sex with your ex. You still love her, and incorporating sex back into the mix will make your feelings stronger. At the end of the day, shes going to be back in bed with her husband, not u, and its going to hurt. If she truly wants to be with you she'll leave him. Maybe youre closer now bc youre not together all the time now and r thinking back on what u used to have forgetting the bad and focusing on the good. Things might not seem so great if u 2 were back together and dealing with the day to day bs instead of just focusing on the fun fucking part. This can cause a ton of drama in both of your lives if you get back together. Dont let yourself get hurt, back out now and keep things friendly so you guys can maintain a good relationship for the sake of your child

 

[cutecute]

I agree with StAy HiGh...it's really important not to fuck up your situation with your ex because it's not just her you would lose...it's your son potentially and you really seem to love the kid. Custody battles can get ugly, especially for the male parent.

Also, you guys wistfully dreaming about a relationship because you're so much cooler and closer now is a direct result of you NOT being in a relationship with her anymore. Her husband deals with all her bullshit/complaints/needs and you just get the good parts. She doesn't deal with your bullshit/etc. because you're not together and she's married so you wouldn't bother her with it. Because of this you get an idealized picture of your guys' relationship that would not translate to reality if you two were to get together again.

And, not to insult your ex, but marrying someone who has no qualms about sending naked pics to men who are not her husband and talking to them about divorcing him because she also loves them is not the best idea...and you probably know that.

I know it'll be hard but I say you should move on from her romantically but try to stay friends. Ask her to stop sending you pictures and to start acting like she is married if she wants to stay married.

Good luck

 

[Pagey]

^What they said. It doesn't sound like a good idea to pursue this.

 

[sixburgh]

Thanks for the advice. When her and I were talking today and I told her she needs to stop sending me these pictures because she's married. Which I know is kind of contradictory since I still wanna fuck her and would be willing to. But after thinking about things more in depth, I think I just miss OUR sex.. I've never had a sexual partner that was into absolutely everything I was. With her and I, nothing was off limits and her and I enjoyed everything eachother wanted to try.

I'm not willing to put sex before my son and it's not just about sex. Even after everything her and I have been through and even with her marriage, I just still love this girl to death. I was always a sucker for her and still am. I guess it's just kind of hard to move on from that. I still always think about her and enjoy talking to her.

Then again, things probably really are better just because we aren't together and both of us just get the better side of each other. Makes a lot of sense. Thanks. I never thought about that, partly because my love for her really does blind me and I just wish we could be back together. Not only because I love her so much but also because I grew up in an extremely violent and dysfunctional family and she knows how much I wanted our son to have the complete opposite of that.

Perhaps I should be less of a critic of her husband (step father) and just accept that there's nothing I can do anymore in regards to having a "regular" family and instead give him credit for being willing to not only deal with her crazy ass but also being willing to being a decent parental figure.

So confusing...

 

[Rose Petal]

Thanks for the advice. When her and I were talking today and I told her she needs to stop sending me these pictures because she's married. Which I know is kind of contradictory since I still wanna fuck her and would be willing to. But after thinking about things more in depth, I think I just miss OUR sex.. I've never had a sexual partner that was into absolutely everything I was. With her and I, nothing was off limits and her and I enjoyed everything eachother wanted to try.

I'm not willing to put sex before my son and it's not just about sex. Even after everything her and I have been through and even with her marriage, I just still love this girl to death. I was always a sucker for her and still am. I guess it's just kind of hard to move on from that. I still always think about her and enjoy talking to her.

Then again, things probably really are better just because we aren't together and both of us just get the better side of each other. Makes a lot of sense. Thanks. I never thought about that, partly because my love for her really does blind me and I just wish we could be back together. Not only because I love her so much but also because I grew up in an extremely violent and dysfunctional family and she knows how much I wanted our son to have the complete opposite of that.

Perhaps I should be less of a critic of her husband (step father) and just accept that there's nothing I can do anymore in regards to having a "regular" family and instead give him credit for being willing to not only deal with her crazy ass but also being willing to being a decent parental figure.

So confusing...

You need to completely forget about having a romantic future with this woman. It will end in tears.. most likely the tears of you, and of your son. It's amazing how feeling a strong sexual bond with somebody can screw with the emotions, and you can guarantee that as long as you're involved that way there will be some emotional investment on her part and yours. Not enough to make the world melt away and everything turn wonderful with this woman, but enough to keep things complicated and painful for everybody involved.

You can guarantee that her husband *knows* on some level what's going on. He might not be able to put his finger on it, but he feels that something is off, and it eats away at him. He can't make a fuss because there's a child involved and putting his foot down about contact between you and his wife just won't do. It would make him look like the bad guy. She probably doesn't tell you how often they argue about you, or of the tension that exists in their home (your son's home) because of this situation. It's not fair on anybody, least of all your son. And if it continues something will have to give. If this man continues to resent you the way that he must, he is going to take it out on your son. The resentment he feels toward you will be transferred to his stepson, especially as he grows to look more and more like you. And that's the happy version of what may lie ahead.

What say you meet a nice woman. Somebody you fall in love with, can see yourself having a future with, somebody you feel sexual chemistry with, and who is free to be with you openly. What do you think is going to happen when your ex is suddenly no longer the recipient of your attention, no longer gets off on the jealousy from her husband, and the feel of being the centre of so much attention? She's not much going to like her new competition, who, btw, will have her sussed out at their first meeting! The absolute worst thing you could do for your son is to continue carrying on an affair - or even a flirtation, with his mother. The moment she feels rejected by you, and scorned, she is likely to want to hurt you back - the only way she can. Through your son. And trust me, if there is conflict between your ex and any current girlfriend, it is going to have dire consequences on your son. The sooner you can sever any inappropriate contact with your ex, the better off you will all be.

If you don't agree with this, there is another option. You could put your cards on the table. Meet with the mother of your son and tell her you are still in love with her. (It seems you think you are). Tell her that you would be open to trying again, and making a go of life as a family. But that you don't believe it would work unless the relationship you have with each other is open, honest, and exclusive. No secrets. No third parties. No compromises. Give her a set period of time in which to leave her husband, initiate divorce proceedings, and begin making a new start with you. If this is not an option, you need to cut the cr@p right now, and tell her in no uncertain terms that from now on there must be nothing said between the two of you that could not be said if her husband were present.

For her to justify the soft porn she has texted you, and claim she isn't cheating because she hasn't had sex with you, is just bollocks. My definition of inappropriate behavior, and cheating on a spouse, is whether the behavior or action in question could be carried out in the presence of the spouse with no upset. So unless he would be cool about the sexy pics, she has already betrayed his trust. This goes for flirtatious banter and inappropriate comments, such as "I miss the great chemistry you and I had in bed". If it couldn't be said in front of the guy, it shouldn't be said at all. Ya think?

Treat very, very carefully here, because you stand to lose such a lot if you make an unwise choice, or don't exercise caution and sensitivity in how you handle this delicate situation. Act only in the best interests of your son and you can't go wrong.