Sheets

[Amanita Mary]

To sleep
is an obstacle
can't stop shaking
vomit spills from my gut
blood-stained sheets
mascara clotted
dripping
from my pale cheeks
stomach still convulsing
lipstick smear
smoke a cigarette
try to asphyxiate
thoughts with smoke
nothing works
still shaking
in the sheets
on the soggy pillow
drenched
with uncertainty
i cant prove anything
neither can blood
or mirrors
or vomit
each time you see me
im closer to death
sixty seconds a minute
im closer
i have split
my heart into three
a piece for me
as for you
and yet another
for you to step on
its alright
what's left will work
tangled in my sheets
i aim to protect
and never again
myself ill lend

 

[(Wordy)]

Sharp and intense... I like this very much!

Brilliant opening lines:

To sleep
is an obstacle

Then I love the way the intensity builds and holds through this section:

i cant prove anything
neither can blood
or mirrors
or vomit
each time you see me
im closer to death
sixty seconds a minute
im closer
i have split
my heart into three
a piece for me
as for you
and yet another
for you to step on

And welcome to Words, Amanita Mary! To help you make the most of the forum, make sure you read the forum guidelines.

 

[katmeow]

^ Intense is right!

The short lines definitely add to the punch.

Sounds like it's coming from a bit of pain...all the best

 

[wesmdow]

i thin you should onsult a thesarus. i like what you said, but the words you use are to monotonous.

 

[(Wordy)]

^ I disagree.

And maybe you should read the guidelines too?

 

[Amanita Mary]

Roget's is one of my best friends wesmdow, but sometimes... simplicity is golden.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i really enjoyed this piece. Some times when you use a common theme or simple words in a very short period of time you are forced to think of things in a multiple angle aspect. anyways. welcome to the forum, please post more.

 

[Mehm]

sounds terrible

 

[up all night]

The repitition makes this piece relentless, which is why I think it works. I love seeing new posters in Words!