beanpoophead
Bluelighter
The hand of god at my back
pushing me to go somewhere
or to be something
that i am most certainly not
or maybe its just your hand
trying to get me to believe
in something that i cannot allow
myself to ever believe in again
And you know that I’m alone
you can feel it in the deep place
the one that pushed you to believe
in the one thing that is a lie
and i can’t even feel this happening
because I’m not even real to it anymore
cos i feel you everywhere
im gone, i’ve gone away
and all i wish was that you’d go away
leave me here to be myself
see i know it now
i know what its like to have nothing
to have no one to hold my hand
or kiss me goodnight
i think its worth the pain
someday I’ll be ok and you wont be there
and i don’t even care
if you don’t like being hurt
than you should ever have stayed
don’t you know i wish i could make this right?
for you to make it all right in me
you know i ain’t got nothing left to give
cos i gave it all away
for your sake and for mine
but i think that you don’t even care
can you feel this energy?
the one that is ripping me apart
this is the deepness, the darkness
yeah, the only thing that fills my heart
because im so sick of being hurt
and if you want to do something
pray for my strength
because when you took me away
you took that away too
pray to the whatever you think is real
to the god i forced myself to accept
and eventually threw away
cant you see it?
cant you see the pain that fills my eyes
i don’t even think you know anymore
blinded by the light
that held you here in my sight
and i cried a million tears
all they did was push me farther away
cos you never held me
when i felt like this
even when i wished that you would
you never could
and all i want is my wedding day
when ill give myself away
until that day I’ll hide away
because i cant take the hurt
anymore
one to many times I’ve been thrown down
hit the bed without your hand
behind my head
cos if god existed
i wouldn’t be sitting here
and these tears wouldn’t he coming
i wouldn’t be afraid of anything
my phone would ring
and everything would be ok
but its not
and your not
because there is nothing there
and im alone and now you know it
im just here cold, alone, black
fuck someone save me
keep me from me
and all these things i tortuse myself with
the thoughts of hatred
cos the only person i hate
is myself
i know it now
its all my fault
and i wish there was something i could do
to make it all right again
but i cant
i wish i could take back all the days
where i felt alive
store them up to take them out
for these days now
where i wish i was dead
cos death seems better than anything
but this
and im just floating away
with the spilled milk you wiped off my face
seventeen years and all you gave
was a daughter
who looks to the stars and asks to be set free
from the things that set her here
she hates how she is
and how she always was
she’s sick of not being loved
because no one has loved her
or held and kissed her tears away
these things just rip her apart
and all she wants is to be held
and all she wants is to know its ok
and all she wants is what she gave away
because its never going to be ok
pushing me to go somewhere
or to be something
that i am most certainly not
or maybe its just your hand
trying to get me to believe
in something that i cannot allow
myself to ever believe in again
And you know that I’m alone
you can feel it in the deep place
the one that pushed you to believe
in the one thing that is a lie
and i can’t even feel this happening
because I’m not even real to it anymore
cos i feel you everywhere
im gone, i’ve gone away
and all i wish was that you’d go away
leave me here to be myself
see i know it now
i know what its like to have nothing
to have no one to hold my hand
or kiss me goodnight
i think its worth the pain
someday I’ll be ok and you wont be there
and i don’t even care
if you don’t like being hurt
than you should ever have stayed
don’t you know i wish i could make this right?
for you to make it all right in me
you know i ain’t got nothing left to give
cos i gave it all away
for your sake and for mine
but i think that you don’t even care
can you feel this energy?
the one that is ripping me apart
this is the deepness, the darkness
yeah, the only thing that fills my heart
because im so sick of being hurt
and if you want to do something
pray for my strength
because when you took me away
you took that away too
pray to the whatever you think is real
to the god i forced myself to accept
and eventually threw away
cant you see it?
cant you see the pain that fills my eyes
i don’t even think you know anymore
blinded by the light
that held you here in my sight
and i cried a million tears
all they did was push me farther away
cos you never held me
when i felt like this
even when i wished that you would
you never could
and all i want is my wedding day
when ill give myself away
until that day I’ll hide away
because i cant take the hurt
anymore
one to many times I’ve been thrown down
hit the bed without your hand
behind my head
cos if god existed
i wouldn’t be sitting here
and these tears wouldn’t he coming
i wouldn’t be afraid of anything
my phone would ring
and everything would be ok
but its not
and your not
because there is nothing there
and im alone and now you know it
im just here cold, alone, black
fuck someone save me
keep me from me
and all these things i tortuse myself with
the thoughts of hatred
cos the only person i hate
is myself
i know it now
its all my fault
and i wish there was something i could do
to make it all right again
but i cant
i wish i could take back all the days
where i felt alive
store them up to take them out
for these days now
where i wish i was dead
cos death seems better than anything
but this
and im just floating away
with the spilled milk you wiped off my face
seventeen years and all you gave
was a daughter
who looks to the stars and asks to be set free
from the things that set her here
she hates how she is
and how she always was
she’s sick of not being loved
because no one has loved her
or held and kissed her tears away
these things just rip her apart
and all she wants is to be held
and all she wants is to know its ok
and all she wants is what she gave away
because its never going to be ok
