She Had a Bright Future

[Dandy]

-
You learnt prematurely that you were somebody
Placed on this debased earth for all to see
It was all in your head – You are now nobody
Dirty, Pretty, Nasty. Finally free.

Did you wish this upon us today?
Long gone are the days your father read to you each fall
And now you sit chained to that stool as you waste away
I won’t cry discarding your box of dolls.

Where did we go wrong?
A forest, yet we failed to examine all the trees
Be strong.
Baby, you were born to die on your knees.


--

 

[katmeow]

I like this.

Nice theme...short, but good

 

[Dandy]

Thanks katmeow.
I could have made it longer - there were things I needed to say though something told me to keep it short.

 

[CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT]

A forest, yet we failed to examine all the trees
Be strong.
Baby, you were born to die on your knees.

^Dandy, this is just breathtaking.
The rest of the poem spoke to me as well, but this reduced me to near tears.
It's so biting, yet gentile - - - and the imagery of nature and this pitiful girl you have described, is just amazing...

Huge props for this one.

 

[Raz]

I had to read this several times to get it...now it forms a picture for me in my head. I like when a piece of writing has such visual impact for me.

This is very good...I don't think that it needs to be longer, though I would like to see the same scene/situation explored again...set up a motif...

 

[neverwas]

the last line is so catchy

 

[cherub]

Definately agree with Raz would love to see this might go if it were longer.... but just go with the flow

excellent work~

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

Long gone are the days your father read to you each fall
And now you sit chained to that stool as you waste away

Powerful!