She and I in the Night

[CoffeeDrinker]

She and I in the night told each our dreams
And in the morning rub our eyes
going back to the humdrum humming that is our lives
that is our dream
I once felt close, then distant
I once felt warmth, then inertia
and that was that was that
it was a good night
no need to cry over it
why is your face wet?

 

[up all night]

I liked this! But I honestly can't tell if I like it more or less without the last line. On my first read through that line felt a little clumsy/ obvious, when the rest of it was a little more whimsical, but after reading it through again I'm not sure.

Anyway, nice work!

 

[nearjat]

I second everything he said pretty much

I like it, paints a picture

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

thank you guys.
I've been really interested in this theme for quite some time when I had a female friend who helped through some really tough times who I was attracted to physically and mentally, but was so focused on my own depression that I never even thought about trying to push the relationship further, then the next thing I know she's living with some other guy and she's never able to hang out anymore and I found myself saddened about the situation, we had once talked about having a party for my 21st birthday but by the time my birthday came around she was long gone and I was driving home after a long day of work and I started to feel drops of water rolling down my face. I didn't think I physically felt sad, but I still was crying. I literally asked myself that question "why is your face wet?" when I was driving myself home.

I had added another line to the poem "why is your face wet? That was a whole month ago!"
as kinda an ironic "suck it up" type ending.

 

[Wordswords]

i like it.

 

[New]

Yeah, I can really appreciate the event described after you described the inspiration. I've definitely been there. It hurts without asking.