Retired User
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2015
- Messages
- 1
Forgive me if I post this incorrectly it is SWIM's first and possibly only post. Approximately a year ago SWIM experienced a trip that ripped out a chunk of reality and continues to beat on me today. SWIM took a quarter of mushroom's, after experimenting with LSD and Mushrooms for about a year at that point I figured why not take the leap. About a month prior I dropped three tabs of L and handled it well for the most part, giving me the confidence I thought was key. The first few hours were the best hours of my life. There was a point where I was laying on my friends bed watching the drop ceiling split and contort into magical three denominational shapes and a feeling took over and I knew that the euphoria I was feeling gave me the strongest most emotional feeling I have ever encountered in my life and I loved in. SWIM's life long friend then suggested we walk down the street to purchase another 1/8th and split it. At that moment I would have done anything to keep the trip alive so I agreed and took the beautiful walk in a blizzard to the house. Once SWIM returned and put down the last bit a feeling of confusion took over. I no longer understood meaning. I walked poster to poster of professional athletes and models trying to think why they do what they do. I saw them as role models at one point and then I just saw them as struggling people. I saw them as people who just happened to make it. Everything felt worthless. I hid the feeling not wanting to "plant the seed" in my fellow trippers. I'm not even going to go on about the trip there's no explanation but I think people on this site would understand. Bottom line is I got sever anxiety from this. I felt like a piece of me was ripped away and my sanity was out of whack and I could very easily fade into a dark world. I saw nothing in everybody. I saw everyone as blind and that there is no one person who can really explain what is going on. I saw everyone as selfish drones living the life placed in front of them. I lost the sense of humanity. I had lost thoughts and vivid dreams. I was prescribed to all sorts of pills and had countless attacks. This was very unfit to my personality. I crave the old me but I feel as if this realization took me away. I really am just here to hear that I am not alone. I want to use again but I fear more pain. Things are finally looking up but in order for me to be the real me I have to regain my faith in who people are and I fear the only way of achieving that is going back. Advise is much needed.
