lolis my thesis
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2022
- Messages
- 277
The 20 year divorce(beware; long read) Tl;dr "Don't get married unless you don't mind being divorced!"
Pride goeth over the falls
Pinch myself; this wild child with the pornstar tits found her way into my bed! Yay! Two months later she was pregnant and keeping the baby. Then after 5 more years and one more child; the pressure from her mom was hardcore and I also married her. I figured the kids were commitment enough and I pledged my devotion to her long before the nuptiuals. Divorce was a very common thread by then; already happened to most of my oldest friends; its the newish normal. Who wouldn't want to party three days and parent three days? It seemingly worked out for most everyone; we were the last holdouts as we made it past custody issues before divorcing. She took me for half; then sued me for half of what was left. Not that my last married friend hadn't warned me.
So I was divorced at the age of 50, left to my own devices now. I have a hard time getting a ride to the doctor with chronic pain/surgeries. From a surfing accident also two months after we met. My ex took the friends with her when she left. A heads up would have been appreciated and maybe I would have changed.....maybe. Ill never have the chance to find out. Oh well now at 53 I still need to get myself together for my own sake. I found out after awhile that I don't mind being single!
Not before I was drinking cream just to avoid starving; and biting my tongue; she was the cook at the cafe we owned; so we worked together even while she was with another man and I was groveling for the helpmeet I had used and abused(well not in a physical sense); become dependent upon for twenty years to be the face of our family and the workhorse to boot. I am no way innocent in this debacle; never really thought that. Just thought we accepted each other's mildly or majorly fucked up ways.
She was pregnant three months into our relationship but hey, I was in love! So we had two kids, raised em, lived and traveled the world, had homes and opened and ran a business together
I knew she had anger issues; but hey, she was my wife! We shared email, passwords, phones, until she didn't want to anymore. I wanted real estate; she wanted a 401k. T-bone accident was the straw that broke the camel's back. But I didn't know what long held resentments had been simmering; until her bags were all packed and she had somewhere else to hang her hat. Then she was gone baby gone! Too fucking bad!
She was a product of divorce, neglect and some abuse. Father left them hanging without the a house or car when she was 13. She found out about a sister she had at 21 as mom was forced to a nunnery to have that child in shame at 15. Cool cat, her dad, but her mom was a monster and he was a cocaine cowboy who wanted to go out in a bang. Congestive heart failure ensured he went with but a whimper at 64. I guess that tumultuous upbringing is predictive of future divorce; go figure. My parents were of a different generation; they resented other at times; but stayed together and now are in love again; he's 90 and she's 85, so I doubt divorce is in their future. Not that her father was a good character; but more on that later maybe.
For me; the Tbone accident in 2017 resulted in another whiplash injury for me and a concussion for her. I was always an enthusiatic drug user; both prescribed and illegal; she was an alcoholic. Different strokes, I figured. For her; the accident and concussion helped seal detachment from most her previously held feelings of marital devotion and maternal instincts disappeared overnight.
So she started taking long walks alone. She had gone from 125 to 160 lbs; and couldn't lose it, but hey, I was devoted and accepted it. Her walks helped her lose that weight somehow; lol.
High blood pressure had crept in which moved me out to the couch as her coughing from the meds worried me and....She also hated and feared dogs; including ours. Always hated that the blue heeler I allowed my boy to select failed obedience school. Her new boyfriend's dog bit me; and I learned that he "went to the farm" shortly after she took up with her new man.
Things were bad by the time she started frequenting the tavern; my kids tell me that she also has been turning her location off on her phone on those long walks of hers.
Oh well; her bags were packed and I missed the signs; when I finally agreed to counseling she had already "done me dirty". My son's words, not mine.
But I am learning to be content without her; life goes on. Her drinking doesn't bother me anymore; nor her gout.
I can't go back twenty years when she started surrounding herself with the bricks of resentment that finally resulted in a wall so high..
We shared email, cell phone, I let her tell me what was interesting on facebook. But she eventually started guarding her phone; and I didn't know about locations and such. But my teenagers sure did; they eventually clued me in; she acted like she did not know she had turned her location off and denied the affair to this day.
But; she wanted to live it up at 40; I didn't or couldn't stop that. Now I am sure I dodged a bullet as she has become her mother, who I kept her away from on purpose.
She herself moved to Germany at 18; as to get away from mom who wouldn't let her best friends even sit on her furniture. And would say "He's gonna leave you barefoot and pregnant"
But life goes on; I live with my son and have 0 to do with my ex. It is sad but I found strength to move on and date new women and then be single and like it; to dating women again.
Life is good; but curves will be thrown. I was a controlling dick and we did not agree on parenting; or much, after the sex wore off and obligations set in. I had my own obsessions of going surfing whenever the waves were good; attractive at first, annoying after the tenth missed holiday. I shoulda been better. I had a "I do what I want" mentality that worked well when I was young and buff and with assets. Not so attractive at 50, injured, but still good enough to go surfing but not to family engagements. I ridiculed her wariness of letting my son go have wild times; with a derisive You just have a kneejerk no reaction.
I learned about my dickhood too late to help it as when the bags are packed, the bricks are mortared, and the deal is sealed.
Pride goeth over the falls
Pinch myself; this wild child with the pornstar tits found her way into my bed! Yay! Two months later she was pregnant and keeping the baby. Then after 5 more years and one more child; the pressure from her mom was hardcore and I also married her. I figured the kids were commitment enough and I pledged my devotion to her long before the nuptiuals. Divorce was a very common thread by then; already happened to most of my oldest friends; its the newish normal. Who wouldn't want to party three days and parent three days? It seemingly worked out for most everyone; we were the last holdouts as we made it past custody issues before divorcing. She took me for half; then sued me for half of what was left. Not that my last married friend hadn't warned me.
So I was divorced at the age of 50, left to my own devices now. I have a hard time getting a ride to the doctor with chronic pain/surgeries. From a surfing accident also two months after we met. My ex took the friends with her when she left. A heads up would have been appreciated and maybe I would have changed.....maybe. Ill never have the chance to find out. Oh well now at 53 I still need to get myself together for my own sake. I found out after awhile that I don't mind being single!
Not before I was drinking cream just to avoid starving; and biting my tongue; she was the cook at the cafe we owned; so we worked together even while she was with another man and I was groveling for the helpmeet I had used and abused(well not in a physical sense); become dependent upon for twenty years to be the face of our family and the workhorse to boot. I am no way innocent in this debacle; never really thought that. Just thought we accepted each other's mildly or majorly fucked up ways.
She was pregnant three months into our relationship but hey, I was in love! So we had two kids, raised em, lived and traveled the world, had homes and opened and ran a business together
I knew she had anger issues; but hey, she was my wife! We shared email, passwords, phones, until she didn't want to anymore. I wanted real estate; she wanted a 401k. T-bone accident was the straw that broke the camel's back. But I didn't know what long held resentments had been simmering; until her bags were all packed and she had somewhere else to hang her hat. Then she was gone baby gone! Too fucking bad!
She was a product of divorce, neglect and some abuse. Father left them hanging without the a house or car when she was 13. She found out about a sister she had at 21 as mom was forced to a nunnery to have that child in shame at 15. Cool cat, her dad, but her mom was a monster and he was a cocaine cowboy who wanted to go out in a bang. Congestive heart failure ensured he went with but a whimper at 64. I guess that tumultuous upbringing is predictive of future divorce; go figure. My parents were of a different generation; they resented other at times; but stayed together and now are in love again; he's 90 and she's 85, so I doubt divorce is in their future. Not that her father was a good character; but more on that later maybe.
For me; the Tbone accident in 2017 resulted in another whiplash injury for me and a concussion for her. I was always an enthusiatic drug user; both prescribed and illegal; she was an alcoholic. Different strokes, I figured. For her; the accident and concussion helped seal detachment from most her previously held feelings of marital devotion and maternal instincts disappeared overnight.
So she started taking long walks alone. She had gone from 125 to 160 lbs; and couldn't lose it, but hey, I was devoted and accepted it. Her walks helped her lose that weight somehow; lol.
High blood pressure had crept in which moved me out to the couch as her coughing from the meds worried me and....She also hated and feared dogs; including ours. Always hated that the blue heeler I allowed my boy to select failed obedience school. Her new boyfriend's dog bit me; and I learned that he "went to the farm" shortly after she took up with her new man.
Things were bad by the time she started frequenting the tavern; my kids tell me that she also has been turning her location off on her phone on those long walks of hers.
Oh well; her bags were packed and I missed the signs; when I finally agreed to counseling she had already "done me dirty". My son's words, not mine.
But I am learning to be content without her; life goes on. Her drinking doesn't bother me anymore; nor her gout.
I can't go back twenty years when she started surrounding herself with the bricks of resentment that finally resulted in a wall so high..
We shared email, cell phone, I let her tell me what was interesting on facebook. But she eventually started guarding her phone; and I didn't know about locations and such. But my teenagers sure did; they eventually clued me in; she acted like she did not know she had turned her location off and denied the affair to this day.
But; she wanted to live it up at 40; I didn't or couldn't stop that. Now I am sure I dodged a bullet as she has become her mother, who I kept her away from on purpose.
She herself moved to Germany at 18; as to get away from mom who wouldn't let her best friends even sit on her furniture. And would say "He's gonna leave you barefoot and pregnant"
But life goes on; I live with my son and have 0 to do with my ex. It is sad but I found strength to move on and date new women and then be single and like it; to dating women again.
Life is good; but curves will be thrown. I was a controlling dick and we did not agree on parenting; or much, after the sex wore off and obligations set in. I had my own obsessions of going surfing whenever the waves were good; attractive at first, annoying after the tenth missed holiday. I shoulda been better. I had a "I do what I want" mentality that worked well when I was young and buff and with assets. Not so attractive at 50, injured, but still good enough to go surfing but not to family engagements. I ridiculed her wariness of letting my son go have wild times; with a derisive You just have a kneejerk no reaction.
I learned about my dickhood too late to help it as when the bags are packed, the bricks are mortared, and the deal is sealed.
