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Sexual relations with your (grown up) students?

Jamshyd said:
^ Since most replies above still mention power, I assume you have not read my update (post 13). If you have, can you explain how your opinions fit into these circumstances?
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Jamshyd said:
1. I am most certainly NOT in a position of power! I am actually not allowed to fail the students (and they know it). Also, the hierarchy goes as such: Parents > Thai Teachers > Students > Foreign Teachers (in order of race - so I am below the white ones but above the Chinese teacher!)
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I don't claim to understand the social reality you are in. Teachers are classroom supervisors and students subordinates in every conception of teaching that I have. You are not allowed to fail them , but do you give them a grade? The ideal for consensual relations is that both parties are on a level playing field, but reality is so far from ideal that more refined criteria get involved. Would anybody credibly claim they were coerced? Would anybody credibly claim that someone gained advantage? Also there is a principle that comes up sometimes-- that one should not only avoid scandal and corruption that is actual, but also anything that gives the appearance of corruption or scandal.
 
^ I don't even think the issue is about grades. It is about the role of teaching; which always involves elements of trust and respect. Regardless of whether grades or assessment is done.

It's simple; your students trust and respect you simply by virtue of being a teacher. If they find out that you are fucking one of them it can only impact your professional relationships with everyone else negatively. Even if they never find out, ethically it still betrays the whole teacher/student relationship.

A guess figure out if your sex life or career is more important to you. Surely there are a million other boys out there who are ready for it? It is thailand.

:)
 
Thanks for clarifying, aanalien. I actually agree with you in this regard.

Yeah I'm definitely agreeing with much of what has been said (thats why I had my doubts and posted this in the first place). There will not be any sexual contact with my students :).
 
This is why I work only work with elementary students(though, even in the elementary years, you see students, usually grades seven or eight, who are quite developed for their age)...

In any case, as a teacher, I have come across students who are pleasing to the eyes. Nevertheless, I always remind myself that they are my students and any relationship with them is inappropriate. Nothing wrong with looking and appreciating their youthfulness, but touching is out of the question
 
As a future teacher, I find it HIGHLY against ethical values for student/teacher relationships. No matter what the age difference is, you are a person of power, he is not. Hell, even in college the professor can be younger than his/her students but they are still the person of power and that boundary needs to be respected. Just don't do it. If you respect your profession.... dont do it.
 
My girlfriend slept with her professor and got an A. She was a-ok with it. So I guess as long as you give the guy an A all will be good. LOL
 
There are a lot of good reasons to avoid sexual relationships with your students. It's obvious that the most prudent course of action here is to avoid a sexual relationship with a student.

However, I don't think that equal levels of maturity are necessarily that important. Yeah, it's PC to say so, and if you're looking for a long-term relationship, that's a dynamic to respect. However, a relationship between a 19 yo and a 23 yo is actually pretty common. Our culture frowns on age differences in relationships but there's not anything inherently wrong in a sexual relationship between two people of different ages. Until about 20 years ago it was quite common. Think of the differences in age between your grandparents/great-grandparents. I bet you'll come up with a number of examples of younger wives/older husbands.

And furthermore, who's to say that the 19 yo isn't mature enough to handle it? Getting with one of these guys could make for a sweet, albeit probably temporary, relationship that you both remember fondly for your entire lives. You're not necessarily leading someone into temptation and ruining his life. I speak from experience: I was dating a 23 yo teacher at age 17 and it turned out to be a mutually beneficially relationship. I was rather emotionally and psychologically mature for my age so I was happy to spending time with someone who actually understood how I felt about the world..

The thing I would worry about is whether the relationship might be harmful to the student ACADEMICALLY. If not, I'd say consider it. Just my .02.
 
I would simply wait until you are not his teacher, in other words - until he finishes up the educational cycle that your establishment provides.

I have some experience in this subject matter. when I was in high school I had an English teacher that just graduated from the very very local Ohio State University. she was short, brown eyed, and sweet and demure and very married. I was sort of the "bad boy" type in high school, I did and sold drugs and I didn't care if anybody knew about it. well she would always keep me after class trying to give me heavy discussions about how and why I should change my life. I never budged, until she started to do things like rub up against me with her body and obviously make herself availible to me. she was gorgeous and just old enough and we started to see each other.

things were pretty good when we were together, I never got anything below a 100 percent in English (even though I didn't need help in English - why couldn't I have an affair with the Algebra teacher?!) and it got really weird a couple times when we would go to the park together and some of her co-workers would see me and her together. they obviously knew, I was never one to hide anything about myself and she then decided to have a divorce with her husband.

many years after that we don't really see one another much and everything is pretty much not happening, besides the occassional time when I am in Ohio per chance and she wants some. I still feel horrible, like I was some homewrecker, but honestly she seduced me more than anything - and at such a young age I was just willing to do anything with a good looking, fun to be with, teacher.

my advice would be to not come on too strong, to where they can not handle it.
 
lunanueva said:
I feel that age isn't the issue here, but rather the elements of power. He is a student, and you are a teacher. There is an uneven distribution of power(you having more) and so it can never be a relationship of equals. I would say look for someone outside of your classroom.
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Agreed. I've had crushes on some university students that I teach, and I still don't think it's right - even though I don't have any direct power over them, in the sense that I don't grade them. (And I'm thinking about students taht are older than the OP :)).

It's more of a power/ethics thing than an age thing. I'm sure you can find some nice boys somewhere else, no?
 
However, I don't think that equal levels of maturity are necessarily that important.
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How so? its like one of the most important parts of being in a serious relationship.
 
Please do remember that in most South-East Asian cultures, maturity comes a little later. These guys tend to live at home until 30 odd, and even in liberated Thailand, things can still be very conservative.

I live in Cambodia, and I vehemently disagree with this type of thing. I won't go into my reasoning, but it seems like you've already made what I believe is the right choice.
 
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