sexsomnia

[weekendwarrior11]

Okay so this is a ridiculously embarrassing topic and I cant believe im posting on an online forum about it, but I love you bluelighters so help me out if you can.

Anyways, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years, so basically we have a really strong relationship. One night we did a little adderall and went out drinking. Came home and went to bed. I awoke in a daze to her very upset and confused. She informed me that during the night I took out my junk and got on top of her and started humping her (with out taking her clothes off) this caught me way off guard because I had absolutely no recollection of it. Mind you I drank the night before but only had a couple beers; meaning I was in no way black out drunk. She was worried because that's pretty fucked up right?

So a couple months went by and it happened again but this time I was completely sober. The second time she apparently wanted sex but I literally woke up right before finishing. Which was weird because she said i completely initiated it and was like 15 min before I woke up.

It has happened a couple more times since. I've researched the disorder and me and her talked alot about it. She's the best girl in the world and loves me unconditionally. When i find out about it happening I have no recollection of it and its literally the most embarrassing feeling in the world. Mainly because she doesn't want it so she has to fend me off. She knows I'm not conscious and don't mean it. So she's sensitive to my embarrassment.but i need this to stop.

Anyone experience this or have any insight. Any help at all would so much appreciated. I'm at a loss. I've red clonazepam has been used to treat it but I don't want them to take away my Adderall prescription due to them thinking thats the cause. Because I went off my Adderall for like two months due to this and it happened during that time. And I feel like they wouldn't prescribe me both.

 

[samnslumberland]

I've been meaning to post a thread with this topic! My boyfriend has "sexsomnia" or whatever it's called, and it took a while for me to get used to. Basically his "symptoms" (is that the right terminology?) consist of talking dirty, dry-humping (through clothing), initiating making out, and initiating sex. He typically sleeps through the dirty talk, dry-humping and making out, and sometimes when he's initiating sex I'll wake up to him taking my panties off and nothing more because he'll begin sleeping like a normal person again before he can get any further. Most times, though, he wakes up only at insertion or once he starts to feel pleasure and then we finish it out because I'm usually awake by this point.

The reason it took me so long to get used to his sexsomnia is because I had never heard of it before dating him so it was new to me. Also because it was really hard to tell whether my boyfriend was really awake or asleep during his "episodes;" his eyes are typically open and he'll respond to anything I say in a coherent manner when they're happening. I found out that sexsomnia was a thing when I'd bring something up about our sex the next morning and he'd have absolutely no recollection of it, so I did a little bit of research.

Overall, it really hasn't been an issue in our relationship. There have been times that I've slept through almost an entire episode of his only to wake up at orgasm--it's a weird fucking feeling. At first I found my boyfriend's sexsomnia kind of strange, but I've gotten used to it and am MUCH better at deciphering whether he's actually awake or asleep when trying to initiate sex in the middle of the night. There has only been one incident in which his sexsomnia has been a problem--he was far too incoherent and rough with me during sex--but other than that the only real negative aspect of it is that I get woken up intermittently throughout the night.

 

[weekendwarrior11]

I'm so happy someone replied, I was getting worried blue light wouldn't have anything to offer on this topic (which never happens. Lol). But yeah those "symptoms" sound like what my girlfriend has described.

I was hoping you'd be able to answer a couple questions too. Like does he take drugs or drink, and if so does it happen more when's he's fucked up? Cause it happened like two more times and both I was on adderall and drunk. And how often does it happen?

My girlfriend also mentioned the (in her words) "acting like a sex zombie" and also being pretty aggressive. More so then she might like it anyways. Which is really the main reason I'm really concerned. Because apparently I wasn't aggressive as in hurting her or anything but as in dry humping her lil I was going to die soon.

I'd really appreciate any feedback. Especially because your the one actually dealing with it. Oh and one other question. Seeing as absolutely no one enjoys getting woken up in the middle of the night especially by getting dry humped lol. Do you get mad at him? Like wake up pissed and irritated at him because he woke you up?

Thank you

 

[samnslumberland]

I'll answer any questions you have for me! It doesn't seem to be a common thing so I'm glad to be able to give you some perspective.

- He doesn't ever drink hard alcohol, but he's a beer connoisseur who drinks weekly and rarely gets drunk. He was a daily drinker when we first started dating and got drunk a lot more often, but he's slowed down a ton over the past year and I haven't noticed any changes in the frequency of his nighttime "sexcapades" as I like to call them. He also smokes about 1-2 grams of BHO daily, but lately we've been smoking a lot more flower and I've noticed that they're much less frequent. My theory for this is that he's not sleeping as well when he doesn't smoke BHO, so he wakes up a lot throughout the night and doesn't sleep for a long enough period to do anything. He's a really poor sleeper in general.
- The overall frequency of it really varies, sometimes it's nightly and sometimes it's two or three times a month but I don't know for sure what triggers it more often some weeks/months than others.
- I mean, it makes sense that you'd be more aggressive in your sleep than while awake. The way I see it is that my boyfriend is probably having a sex-related dream when this happens, and those can be a lot more "pornish" or "animated" in nature because they're typically centered around extreme sexual gratification. Likewise, when we're both extremely turned on and in the heat of the moment, we're more aggressive toward one another in our sexual acts (aka we're fucking, not "making love") because we're both seeking extreme sexual gratification. I hope what I'm saying makes sense.
- No, I never get mad at him! There are some things that irritate me, like when he wakes me up by lightly pushing on my head and telling me to put his dick in my mouth, but it's gotten to the point that I'll just tell him no and then he stops and resumes normal sleep. He doesn't ever push down on my head when he's awake, so I don't hold it against him for doing it in his sleep because the explanation I gave above about aggression. Sometimes I'll give him shit for waking me up throughout the night if I'm really tired the next morning, but that's only in fun.

Also, after realizing what was going on and discussing it with him, he told me to go along with it if I feel like it because he enjoys waking up to sex. In other words, if he's instigating it in his dreams, he's wanting it in real life too. My point in telling you this is that if your girlfriend is annoyed by it, maybe she should try seeing where it goes just once and see how you both feel about it the next morning, you know? I find that my boyfriend and I are generally happier and more cohesive when we're having sex more often. Your situation is definitely different than mine, as my boyfriend has been doing this for the entire duration of our relationship, whereas you only began after several years of being in your current relationship. I can see how the idea of sexsomnia is easier for me to digest than it might be for her since it's a weird new aspect to a mature, comfortable relationship.

 

[nekointheclouds]

I'v had similar things happen with past live in boyfriends. Getting it on in the middle of the night while you are half asleep is pretty fun imo! Usually I am half awake and mostly aware of whats happening even if its not like either of us are trying to initiate anything, you just get in a position that feels kinda sexy or maybe he get a boner in the middle of the night and it pokes me in a way I like. I have also had times where i didnt realy wake up until we were practically fucking and vice versa. I dont think that is an uncommon thing for couples who are very close and have lived together for awhile.

Its nothing to really worry about unless for some reason you dont wake up and she isnt in the mood and you somehow sleep force yourself on her, but you should wake up before any of that. Just keep communicating about it when it happens, and dont be offended if she isnt in the mood and she has to use slight force to wake you up.

 

[Pharcyde]

I didn't see this thread but I just posted something about my sexsomnia.
I have it. It's not embarrassing and none of my s/o have complained

 

[llama112]

I've never experienced it myself but definitely have heard of it. If he is being TOO aggressive (like it being close to rape) then you need to REALLY do something about it. If it's just kinda annoying then it's one of those things that I personally would just chalk up to a flaw. Annoying but wouldn't break up with someone because of it.

 

[Pharcyde]

I've never experienced it myself but definitely have heard of it. If he is being TOO aggressive (like it being close to rape) then you need to REALLY do something about it. If it's just kinda annoying then it's one of those things that I personally would just chalk up to a flaw. Annoying but wouldn't break up with someone because of it.

It's not a flaw. Not one bit. You can't call a person with a sleeping/brain disorder (if it can even be called that) flawed. He can't control it. That's not even fair or right.