Foreigner
Bluelighter
He ended up being a narcissist. Maybe not a full blown, DSM-5 one, but definitely high on the spectrum. In hindsight I think I was considering his POV because he was gaslighting the fuck out of me. Things that were very abnormal between us he would try to rationalize as normal or my fault. The sex thing was part of that. He had poor sexual boundaries and low empathy so it never occurred to him how triggering seeing people having sex in public might be. Saying "Imagine a world where everyone's sexual trauma is healed" is passing the buck. It's not about sexual trauma in one's past, it's about healthy boundaries now so that you don't create new trauma going forward. If someone can develop PTSD from just witnessing violence, then they can develop PTSD from witnessing a sex act. There's plenty of research evidence on how sexual imagery (i.e. porn) affects people's minds over time, even if they are well intending individuals. If someone wants to expose themselves to that imagery then that's fine, they are consenting to it. If sex were everywhere in public, the consent process would be non-existent. That's why consents are so important. Sex and violence, while different, share a similar level of consent category because of how their acts affect human psychology. Asking me to imagine a world where people have no sexual hangups is like saying imagine a world where human psychology isn't human psychology.
He was fucked in the head. He tried to say we were in an "open relationship" but it was not ethical non-monogamy. He did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and told me my concerns as his "partner" were irrelevant. He was also a flaming exhibitionist. Constantly on webcam with as many people as humanly possible. His ego was massive yet fragile and he was empty inside, so he just filled the void with sex and drugs. But don't you dare ever tell him that he's an addict or he'll hold you hostage for hours until you apologize.
It's amazing coming back to this thread now almost 2 years later, seeing the difference in clarity in myself. I haven't had contact with him in over a year and my answers to my own OP question are super clear now. Anyone who thinks sex in public as a legal policy is desirable is fucked somehow. Exhibitionists who get away with it discreetly are fine, I have no problem with that. But I mean... a society where public sex is the norm would not thrive. There's a reason why it's taboo everywhere. Sexual imagery affects people on a deep, primal level and is intertwined with so many other factors, like their family of origin, how they were raised, body image, self-perception, etc. It's not all just about "trauma"... not everyone's values and personalities are compatible with sex in public. I would say most aren't. It's unethical to think that society would ever be ready for that, and only an unethical person with poor boundaries would think it's a good idea.
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