Sex "addiction" on Dr. Phil

[Ksa]

When I commented about this Dr. Phil show with my friends, they said I am talking dangerously...that I should refrain from stating such thoughts because it is dangerous. On the show, a woman with kids was complaining that her hyper-sexual husband was cheating on her dating women and having sex with them. Conveniently Dr. Phil landed the diagnosis of "sex addiction" and was then backed up by an addictionologist stating that sex addiction is harmful and is a poor way to vent emotions. He sustained that sex out of the family is only there to vent emotions in a harmful way.

My opinion is that the levels of ignorance that both Dr. Phil and the addictionologist sustain are immense. Sex is the most beautiful act that 2 adults can engage in. The poor man is simply trying to feel the bliss and peak of sexual excitement that he was put on this Earth to feel. Weather it is done inside or outside the family is irrelevant: There shouldn't be one in the first place. It's what's causing the problem! The only thing that the "addict" can be blamed for is for starting a family and having kids. That is completely insane and society played a role in it, so society takes part of the blame.

Dr. Phil states that the problem that the couple has is caused by the man's addiction to sex. I say the problem the couple has is caused by the couple itself. It's bound to have problems, I mean, when you seal together 2 persons, problems are bound to arise because they are different. Why would anyone do that? The woman yells that he is a cheating, filthy, disgusting man, the man yells that she never has sex with him so he must get it elsewhere. Am I the only one to realize how insane that is? And then Dr. Phil comes along and says he should get rid of his "addiction" to sex and live a regular life by his American Standard.

American Standard is a toilet seat brand. You piss on it and you apply the full weight of your ass to shit on it. Families are like the American federal reserve printing dollars. They no longer work. The concept of family is outdated by thousands of years. It appeared in order to meet the needs of very ancient people, and it no longer meets the needs of modern people. It no longer meets our needs. Having sex uncovers that true love is not for women, it's for yourself. That's why they say that in a couple, both should share hobbies, thought etc. because ideally, they would all prefer female/male versions of themselves, perfectly alike.

Sure you can have kids, adopt them or make artificially...the family problem comes from the adult, not the child. Why make the child suffer with all those adult problems. Throw them away...children don't deserve it, the fights, the divorces, the toxic environment. Free your children of...family.

Let me know your thoughts,

 

[Pagey]

Erm...
I think you're going waaay too far with this. Seems like a pretty massive jump to go from 'the concept of sex addiction is bullshit' to 'families destroy our lives'.
Regarding whether or not sex addiction exists, I think it definitely does in the sense that addiction is essentially defined as bringing harmful consequences to someone's life in one way or another. If we're sticking to this example, that's clearly the case. It's not because something is an addiction that it's unnatural and I'm a bit confused as to why you seem to be saying that...especially on a forum full of drug addicts; I mean, is it really that unnatural to want to take more of something that gives you pleasure?
I'd argue addiction is actually a pretty natural fact of life.

 

[Ksa]

Erm...
I think you're going waaay too far with this. Seems like a pretty massive jump to go from 'the concept of sex addiction is bullshit' to 'families destroy our lives'.
Regarding whether or not sex addiction exists, I think it definitely does in the sense that addiction is essentially defined as bringing harmful consequences to someone's life in one way or another. If we're sticking to this example, that's clearly the case.

How can having protected sex with a multitude of consenting women bring harm to your life? I'm just trying to learn here, if you can teach me I will listen.

It's not because something is an addiction that it's unnatural and I'm a bit confused as to why you seem to be saying that...especially on a forum full of drug addicts;

Why do you think that sex can be an addiction? Is there something greater you have to do in your life, such as survival, where sex actually prevents you from doing and is a problem?

I mean, is it really that unnatural to want to take more of something that gives you pleasure? I'd argue addiction is actually a pretty natural fact of life.

Addiction is the continuous repetition of a behavior despite negative consequences. What are the negative consequences of having protected sex with women?

 

[Ksa]

Those questions are hard to answer because the answer revolves around the concept of family, productivity and social order, which are social constructs. If sex addiction is not a social construct and is indeed a real problem, even away from society, on an uninhabited planet where there's just me and 10 or 20 women, I welcome Dr. Phil to state the problem and the help I would need. I mean, I know he would come help me but, it will not be the kind of help anyone is thinking of.

Bottom line is, it's bad for Family, Productivity and Social Order. So it is an abomination according to American Standard TM that we all shit on daily.

 

[lola]

Addiction is the continuous repetition of a behavior despite negative consequences. What are the negative consequences of having protected sex with women?

Well...
1. If the man on Dr Phil's show is there with his wife and says he wants to fix things in his marriage, you're really not in a position to decide that actually he doesn't want a family because it's a social construct. It may well be a social construct that this man wants to adhere to.
2. Bearing this in mind, "the negative consequences of having protected sex with women" are the destruction of his marriage leading to the breakdown of his (socially constructed) family unit, something he doesn't want to happen. This is a negative consequence to him, both psychological and financial (divorce is often expensive).
3. Additionally, condoms break and some STIs (herpes, for example) can be passed even with condoms. So there is a potential physical consequence - disease - that could affect both him and his wife.
4. Because of the way society is constructed, if his marriage breaks down because of his infidelity most of his friends will side with his wife seeing him as the villain. So this will have a negative social consequence.
5. Some of the women he slept with might have wanted something more and got hurt, or maybe got an STI (see section no. 3). So these are physical and emotional consequences.

Hmmm I believe we've now got potential negative psychological, emotional, physical and social consequences for his behaviour. I agree with the OP that monogamy is seriously overrated and imo pretty unnecessary, but this is the world we live in.

 

[Ksa]

Well...
1. If the man on Dr Phil's show is there with his wife and says he wants to fix things in his marriage, you're really not in a position to decide that actually he doesn't want a family because it's a social construct. It may well be a social construct that this man wants to adhere to.

Cheating on his wife multiple times proves that family is incompatible with his lifestyle and beliefs. He got married and is unhappy with the experience. If you eat lasagna for the first time and it tastes awful, what are the chances you are a lasagna lover? You can't be guilty either, you didn't know what it tasted like.

2. Bearing this in mind, "the negative consequences of having protected sex with women" are the destruction of his marriage leading to the breakdown of his (socially constructed) family unit, something he doesn't want to happen. This is a negative consequence to him, both psychological and financial (divorce is often expensive).

I believe that every married woman should get a divorce, as in, should have gotten it yesterday. Without exception. It will be worth every penny you lose.

3. Additionally, condoms break and some STIs (herpes, for example) can be passed even with condoms. So there is a potential physical consequence - disease - that could affect both him and his wife.

Bad things happen. You can try meditation and discover the true love for your own self if sex is so hazardous in your area, and the condoms suck there.

4. Because of the way society is constructed, if his marriage breaks down because of his infidelity most of his friends will side with his wife seeing him as the villain. So this will have a negative social consequence.

Busting balls is way more pleasurable then sitting with a bunch of friends to gossip about how bad someone is. Let them gossip, it's fun to feel important :D

5. Some of the women he slept with might have wanted something more and got hurt, or maybe got an STI (see section no. 3). So these are physical and emotional consequences.

I don't think any of the women met online are looking for anything more then sex or they would voice out their thoughts sooner or later. It's very well arranged via dating sites.

 

[Noodle]

a sex addiction causes harm to one's self and possibly others

fuck dr phil

he is a cookie cutter family time ratings based media personality

 

[verso]

I have to imagine that the negative consequences of a sex addiction are or would be similar to that of a drug addiction. I mean, it sounds like there should be no problem -- sex! -- what can be wrong with too much sex?

But when you're thinking about sex constantly, you're neglecting friends, work, and other life responsibilities; you're probably spending your money either directly or indirectly on your sex addiction. It's a lot more complicated and there's a lot more to a sex addiction than merely having sex really often.

I can see where a sex addiction would cause one great anxiety and could certainly impact an individual's life negatively.

EDIT: But, for the record, I cannot stand Dr. Phil ...

 

[Foreigner]

How can having protected sex with a multitude of consenting women bring harm to your life? I'm just trying to learn here, if you can teach me I will listen.

It's harmful to established partnerships and loyalty commitments. It's also dehumanizing when someone is having sex just to get a kick. It's no different than using a drug, except you're using another human being to feel good.

Why do you think that sex can be an addiction? Is there something greater you have to do in your life, such as survival, where sex actually prevents you from doing and is a problem?

Sex addicts compulsively have sex, just like any other addict is helplessly drawn to their drug of choice. They're not having sex for any kind of higher fulfillment other than fulfilling a craving, usually an emotion-based one. Sex addiction completely ruins peoples lives.

Addiction is the continuous repetition of a behavior despite negative consequences. What are the negative consequences of having protected sex with women?

The concept of sex addiction deals with extremity. Sex addicts are so compelled that they will destroy all their livelihood to get it. They may want to stop but don't feel they can.

 

[neversickanymore]

fuck dr phil

he is a cookie cutter family time ratings based media personality

+1... he is an entertainer.

 

[tomdpimp]

I think Sex Addiction is an actual issue but there are lots of levels of sex addiction. Someone can masturbate a lot and that might be considered a sex addiction. Sounds like this particular guy just wants to cheat which is more about other issues he has in his marriage.

Going on Dr Phil for help is likely fame chasing.

I have a friend that goes to Sex Addiction meetings and his marriage fell apart because he chose to get a blow job from a poly friend one day and she found out. He likely could have gotten her permission for open sex, but couldn't ask and cheated.

I think like anything you can develop psychological addictions to sex, food, risk taking, ect. How you indulge your addiction is up to you.

 

[Ksa]

I think Sex Addiction is an actual issue but there are lots of levels of sex addiction. Someone can masturbate a lot and that might be considered a sex addiction. Sounds like this particular guy just wants to cheat which is more about other issues he has in his marriage.

Going on Dr Phil for help is likely fame chasing.

I have a friend that goes to Sex Addiction meetings and his marriage fell apart because he chose to get a blow job from a poly friend one day and she found out. He likely could have gotten her permission for open sex, but couldn't ask and cheated.

I think like anything you can develop psychological addictions to sex, food, risk taking, ect. How you indulge your addiction is up to you.

That's great! All marriages should fall apart. Immediately!

 

[Ksa]

It's harmful to established partnerships and loyalty commitments.

But isn't that great? Why should you commit to anyone? Do you owe them money? Are you an inferior being that was tamed, where they can have you?

It's no different than using a drug, except you're using another human being to feel good.

Feeling good is good enough. Everything else is a load of crap, coming through a large, thick pipe.

It's also dehumanizing when someone is having sex just to get a kick.

I assume you have taken this from psychology books, because I can tell, you haven't earned this knowledge. You don't deserve it. Someone reading the Bible and making comments about things is not more derailed than you are. You have been programmed. If having sex, in any amounts, is dehumanizing, then everything else is, your family, your job, your children, your money, your belongings, your stocks and bonds. Everything.

Psychologists don't know themselves. They are afraid of people who know themselves. How can someone arrive at such a conclusion if their definition of a human being is flawed?

 

[Noodle]

...lot of sweeping generalizations there.

Whatever works for you I guess.

 

[Ksa]

...lot of sweeping generalizations there.

Whatever works for you I guess.

I have nothing against loyalty commitments. Many men commit loyalty to a woman and they are very happy. You know, they lick their boots, get trampled, ballbusted, CBT, whipped, burned with a cigarette, branded, and so on. And they are happy. You see, the dog is loyal to his master. Without an inferiority relationship loyalty cannot exist, nor can you make a loyalty commitment to a person you judge is your equal. And there is nothing wrong with it, letting her stick her cigarette in your peehole, it's a form of meditation, perfectly fine. But you can't deceive yourself with respect to where you stand.

You cannot let her do these things and after you bust your load, claim you're the...big boss. It's hilarious. Your dick aches. It prevents you from doing it.

So which is more dehumanizing, loyalty, or having regular consensual sex?

 

[Beachcat]

Wow, you have a really skewed, cynical, self centered view of relationships. If it doesn't work for you, don't have one. Claiming to "know" that all relationships have problems while using your own jaded perspective as justification is pretty immature and arrogant. You really have no idea....

 

[Ksa]

Wow, you have a really skewed, cynical, self centered view of relationships. If it doesn't work for you, don't have one. Claiming to "know" that all relationships have problems while using your own jaded perspective as justification is pretty immature and arrogant. You really have no idea....

Won't waste further time with this. Read what Osho said and understand:


"Getting attached legally to a woman or to a man, no. Freedom to me is the ultimate well-being. There is nothing higher than freedom. It was difficult because I was fighting from the very beginning. My family was in difficulty, my parents were in difficulty, but I told them absolutely clearly that I am not going to be married. They were perfectly happy if I was going to be a celibate monk. I said, no. I'm not going to be a celibate monk either.

That was their trouble. If I was going to be a celibate monk, they were happy. In fact, they would have felt proud that their son has become a great monk. I said no. Both are ditches. I am going to walk just in the middle, on the razor's edge, and I have enjoyed the walk, tremendously. Everybody should get divorced, without exception. People should meet and love each-other, occasionally, as opportunity comes.

There should be no state where a wife has to make love to a man whom she does not love anymore, but keeps fulfilling her duty. While he is making love to his wife he may be thinking of another woman, she may be thinking of some other man. What kind of neurotic society have you created? If you don't love each-other at least be human and tell frankly that it was beautiful to be together but now it is finished. Say good-bye. I would like marriage to disappear completely from the world.

And with marriage, divorce will disappear. With the marriage, prostitution will disappear. With marriage, most of the priest's work will disappear. With the marriage, almost 99% of the jobs of psychoanalysts, therapists, psychiatrist will disappear. It is marriage that is creating all kinds of psychological perversions, repressions, guilt. It is simply human, seeing a beautiful woman and you would like to have some time with her. It may not have any God's permission for it. Even your God commited rape with virgin Mary. Without her consent.

I believe that story because it proves that your God is a rapist. Otherwise I don't believe in the story. Jesus must be a bastard. It is certain he was not the son of Joseph, and just to cover up the whole thing, that great story has been invented. They say God is a trinity. God, the holy ghost and the son. The holy ghost did it. But he is part of God. It is just like my hand is part of me, and your genitals are part of you. The holy ghost is part of God, perhaps it's his genitals. Otherwise how could he manage to make a virgin girl pregnant?

The children should be the responsibility of the commune, not of the family. It is the family which creates tremendous problems in the children's minds. It gives them all their sickness, all their superstitions, all their stupid ideas, theologies, religion, political parties, it enforces on the child. The child has to be freed from family, if you want a new man, then family is an ugly institution. It's time is over. It should be replaced by the commune.

And then it is very easy, the commune can take care of the children. There will be the mother, the father, they can meet the child and the child can come to them, but basically it is the responsibility of the commune to take care of the children. The children will have many uncles and many aunts, and they will have more opportunity of human contact with different types of people. They would be immensely enriched.

Our children are very impoverished. They know only one man, one woman, and they know the constant quarrel between the two. The woman is nagging the husband, the husband is beating the woman, and this is what you are training them for. Your boy will repeat you. He will be your carbon copy knowingly or unknowingly. Your daughter will repeat your wife, knowingly or unknowingly. And that's why no son can ever forgive his father and no daughter can ever forgive her mother.

They destroyed their lives, and it is an absolutely, psychologically proved phenomenon. But if the commune takes care, then they will have experienced different kinds of people. It is my experience that every person is so unique that the more contacts, intimacies, love affairs you have, the richer you will be."

 

[blue1995]

I wouldn't want a bunch of weirdo hippies raising my kid. "No son ever forgives his father and no daughter can ever forgive her mother?" Yeah, if they retain the same self-centered mindset they had at 15 years of age, forever. Otherwise kids grown into adults that recognize their parents as fellow (fallible) human beings. What a bunch of bull.

 

[Ksa]

I wouldn't want a bunch of weirdo hippies raising my kid. "No son ever forgives his father and no daughter can ever forgive her mother?" Yeah, if they retain the same self-centered mindset they had at 15 years of age, forever. Otherwise kids grown into adults that recognize their parents as fellow (fallible) human beings. What a bunch of bull.

So when you were 15 you stopped being self-centered and you sort of spread it all around you right? You became neighbor centered, parent centered, husband centered etc. That's when the drugs started? Something has to take care of your center, if you do not, a pill will.

 

[Ksa]

The tragedy is that, at 15, you had it right, and then you were told it's immature by other people, likely older than you, who supposedly knew what life was, and you were programmed. What that poor old guy is trying to do is de-program you so you could go back to zero and start a better life. When kids at school cussed at you and called you names, did you believe them? If a kid calls you immature, do you believe him? So why believe your parents or friends? Why not break the legacy, set yourself free of all preconceptions, and what people think life is about, because they likely have it wrong.