Hey-
Although I'll try to keep this short and to the point, fair warning I have little success ever doing that; my hobby is writing, I always write at length and always say too much. Bear with me please.
I'm an (almost) lifelong opiate addict, having first used heroin & becoming addicted at 16, beginning IV use at 17, spending almost a decade on the streets before having the genius idea of going to the US in my 20s, where, as could be expected, I caught a major case at 26 and landing myself in prison for 14 years before being deported back to my home country at the age of 40. I won't go into details but at 42 I was back on methadone, have been ever since, now 51-years-old.
I having hated stimulants for most of my life, largely, I believe, due both to several horrible experiences with meth as a teenager in the American Southwest (US family connections there), and I think largely the main reason has been because I always associated stimulants with the possibility of prematurely initiating opiate withdrawal, in a life characterized by a daily, life or death struggle to avoid that very condition About 3.5 years ago, while reconnecting with a friend from my teens who was now wealthy and comfortable, I was offered the opportunity to be flown (at his expense) across the country to visit at his large home. While visiting, I found him nursing a rather large crack cocaine habit which, I should have noted more closely, at least he could afford to indulge financially, as opposed to myself. I had no such luxury. However a discussion of the best method of cooking cocaine hcl into crack led to some intellectual curiosity on my part; curiosity led to experimentation; experimentation led to the obvious need for some comparative testing, and discussion of results led to some further testing to confirm our conclusions (ammonia cook the winner by far) and this unnecessary process led to... well... the rest is predictable.
3.5 years later, I've been using virtually daily, with those days I'm not using spent either sleeping, or else extremely miserable and anticipating my next usage and how I'll manage to pay for it. Yes, I'm in a pickle. Yes, I urgently need to stop. However stopping will, at this point, require residential treatment, and treatment raises two currently insurmountable problems: for one, I'm an (unofficial) caregiver for someone who without me would be homeless and completely incapable of caring for themselves (a role I took on voluntarily -close to a decade ago now - when this same individual was shortly facing both these eventualities if I didn't step in; there remains literally no one else to do it); and second, I'm incredibly blessed to have lucked-out with a ridiculously cheap rent-controlled apartment (being in one of the most expensive rental markets in this hemisphere, let alone country) and I cannot afford both rent and treatment, and losing the apartment - priced at about ⅓ the going standard rate for my city - would mean an almost certain inability to replace it following any hypothetical treatment (and aside, of course, from the disabled individual - who's now become more of a dependant family member I've grown to love dearly than some charity case - himself being thrown into the street without that apartment).
Altogether It's a tough situation leaving me few choices, difficulty arranging ltreatment is not the reason for this post, or I'd be posting this in a recovery forum. My post is to ask you all a question.
QUESTION:
ABOUT 1.5 - 2 years ago I noticed that sometimes when I smoked my crack, I developed a pain deep within the muscle of one of my thighs. Sorry, I now forget which thigh, though it concerned me immediately because the nature of the pain feeling deep within the muscle, as well as its appearance only when using, gave me the impression it might be a problem with an artery or vein. It didn't happen every time I used, but it did happen often enough to concern me.
Eventually the pain passed; hard to remember for how long it persisted, however at some point it stopped.
Then, perhaps 6 months ago, possibly as much as 8 or 10 months (timeframes can be hard for a daily user) that same pain returned. This time, however, the pain appeared in the upper left arm. Again, deep in the muscle, and again, appearing, consistently, only while smoking crack cocaine. Recently, this pain has increased in intensity and area, now radiating into the shoulder and neck. This pain is unique in that I've never experienced anything similar in my life, both in terms of quality or nature, as well as in depth within the muscle. It is identical to the previous thigh pain, changing only in location. I don't know why I think (perhaps worry?) it's emanating from a vein or artery, however this has been my instinctual belief from its first appearance.
Obviously, I need to see a doctor. Obviously, I need to quit using. Obviously, my (now) loved one will have no one to care for them if something happens to me. I know all of this. If I needed advice on treatment, I'd post in the treatment forum. I understand and appreciate those who would wish to impart such advice; however you'd be preaching to the choir. It's all I think about every single day, I assure you. Rather, I'm here seeking information to help me identify the likely cause or nature of this pain, either from current or former users of crack cocaine who had a similar experience, or otherwise someone with medical knowledge (though not required; anyone who might have a substantive idea would be more than welcome to help and their assistance deeply appreciated) who might recognize the symptoms. Any ideas or similar past (or current) experiences out there?
Please help! Any and all information regarding this phenomenon would be deeply appreciated. Cheers!
Although I'll try to keep this short and to the point, fair warning I have little success ever doing that; my hobby is writing, I always write at length and always say too much. Bear with me please.
I'm an (almost) lifelong opiate addict, having first used heroin & becoming addicted at 16, beginning IV use at 17, spending almost a decade on the streets before having the genius idea of going to the US in my 20s, where, as could be expected, I caught a major case at 26 and landing myself in prison for 14 years before being deported back to my home country at the age of 40. I won't go into details but at 42 I was back on methadone, have been ever since, now 51-years-old.
I having hated stimulants for most of my life, largely, I believe, due both to several horrible experiences with meth as a teenager in the American Southwest (US family connections there), and I think largely the main reason has been because I always associated stimulants with the possibility of prematurely initiating opiate withdrawal, in a life characterized by a daily, life or death struggle to avoid that very condition About 3.5 years ago, while reconnecting with a friend from my teens who was now wealthy and comfortable, I was offered the opportunity to be flown (at his expense) across the country to visit at his large home. While visiting, I found him nursing a rather large crack cocaine habit which, I should have noted more closely, at least he could afford to indulge financially, as opposed to myself. I had no such luxury. However a discussion of the best method of cooking cocaine hcl into crack led to some intellectual curiosity on my part; curiosity led to experimentation; experimentation led to the obvious need for some comparative testing, and discussion of results led to some further testing to confirm our conclusions (ammonia cook the winner by far) and this unnecessary process led to... well... the rest is predictable.
3.5 years later, I've been using virtually daily, with those days I'm not using spent either sleeping, or else extremely miserable and anticipating my next usage and how I'll manage to pay for it. Yes, I'm in a pickle. Yes, I urgently need to stop. However stopping will, at this point, require residential treatment, and treatment raises two currently insurmountable problems: for one, I'm an (unofficial) caregiver for someone who without me would be homeless and completely incapable of caring for themselves (a role I took on voluntarily -close to a decade ago now - when this same individual was shortly facing both these eventualities if I didn't step in; there remains literally no one else to do it); and second, I'm incredibly blessed to have lucked-out with a ridiculously cheap rent-controlled apartment (being in one of the most expensive rental markets in this hemisphere, let alone country) and I cannot afford both rent and treatment, and losing the apartment - priced at about ⅓ the going standard rate for my city - would mean an almost certain inability to replace it following any hypothetical treatment (and aside, of course, from the disabled individual - who's now become more of a dependant family member I've grown to love dearly than some charity case - himself being thrown into the street without that apartment).
Altogether It's a tough situation leaving me few choices, difficulty arranging ltreatment is not the reason for this post, or I'd be posting this in a recovery forum. My post is to ask you all a question.
QUESTION:
ABOUT 1.5 - 2 years ago I noticed that sometimes when I smoked my crack, I developed a pain deep within the muscle of one of my thighs. Sorry, I now forget which thigh, though it concerned me immediately because the nature of the pain feeling deep within the muscle, as well as its appearance only when using, gave me the impression it might be a problem with an artery or vein. It didn't happen every time I used, but it did happen often enough to concern me.
Eventually the pain passed; hard to remember for how long it persisted, however at some point it stopped.
Then, perhaps 6 months ago, possibly as much as 8 or 10 months (timeframes can be hard for a daily user) that same pain returned. This time, however, the pain appeared in the upper left arm. Again, deep in the muscle, and again, appearing, consistently, only while smoking crack cocaine. Recently, this pain has increased in intensity and area, now radiating into the shoulder and neck. This pain is unique in that I've never experienced anything similar in my life, both in terms of quality or nature, as well as in depth within the muscle. It is identical to the previous thigh pain, changing only in location. I don't know why I think (perhaps worry?) it's emanating from a vein or artery, however this has been my instinctual belief from its first appearance.
Obviously, I need to see a doctor. Obviously, I need to quit using. Obviously, my (now) loved one will have no one to care for them if something happens to me. I know all of this. If I needed advice on treatment, I'd post in the treatment forum. I understand and appreciate those who would wish to impart such advice; however you'd be preaching to the choir. It's all I think about every single day, I assure you. Rather, I'm here seeking information to help me identify the likely cause or nature of this pain, either from current or former users of crack cocaine who had a similar experience, or otherwise someone with medical knowledge (though not required; anyone who might have a substantive idea would be more than welcome to help and their assistance deeply appreciated) who might recognize the symptoms. Any ideas or similar past (or current) experiences out there?
Please help! Any and all information regarding this phenomenon would be deeply appreciated. Cheers!
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