pally pete
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2010
- Messages
- 2,428
Hey Bluelighters/Greenlighters 
I don't often start my own threads, but the past 2weeks of my life has changed everything! I feel like I've been to the other side, you know when you see some guy in the street action bonkers, shouting complete and utter nonsence... Well I've felt like I've taken a glimpse into there world, all though self infliction.
There are many many things which right now I have forgotten or vaugley remember so much of what I have written does not tell the whole story..
To cut a very long story short, around 2 weeks ago I was admitted to my local hospital due to extreme Benzo withdrawal symptoms, I have abised Benzos for around 4 years, doses ranging into the thousands of mg's of Diazepam in a night and other Benzos (Alprazolam, Temazepam) over the course of a weekend. Yes I am very lucky to be alive! Anyway just over 3 weeks ago I quit cold turkey after a heavy Alprazolam binge, I've withdrawn from Benzos cold turkey many times so I thought I knew what I was in for - severe anxiety, irratability, Insomnia, auditory and visual hallucinations, twitches the list is endless.
But this time was so severe I thought I'd lost the plot and there was no coming back, as well as the above I was suffering paranoid delusions, I thought people were trying to break into my house to rob my house and take my family hostage, I even rang a friend to come and help. I had so many nights without sleep, the line between concious, unconcious and subconcious had been wiped away. I basically didn't know what reality was! I lost all my motor skills, I couldn't put hand to mouth, brushing my teeth or having a shave was out of the question. I had to get my mother to feed me and give me fluids through a straw. I lost all basic function as a human being, the times I did manage to crawl to the bathroom my brain couldn't work out how to use a toilet, so on more than one occassion I wet myself.
Anyway enough of the background (Even though there is plenty more to tell that escapes my memory now) although I do remember believing that the nurses in the hospital were trying to kill me. Anyway after 5 and a half days in hospital I was put on a 30mg per day regime of Diazepam to be reduced by 2mg every 1 -2 weeks, and also at the same time I was put on 150mg Pregablin per day for the first week increasing to 300mg per day on the second week and then finally increasing to 600mg per day for the forseeable future until my G.P decides to taper off the pregablin. I had my first appointment with my G.P yesterday (since I left the hospital last Wednesday) My G.P suggested reducing my dose of Diazepam by 5mg after the first 2 weeks on 30mg per day (I currently take 6 x 5mg Diazepam per day - 5mg morning - 5mg afternoon - 5mg early evening - 15mg night time. which will be next Wednesday 9th October and then after that I am not sure of her plans. I'm happy to taper as fast as possible as I plan to go travelling (I quit my job and was meant to be starting my travels 2 days ago but now all this has happened and I don't think travelling the world whilst tapering from Benzos/Pregablin is the best option)
My problem is (self inflicted once again) as soon as I arrived home from hospital I went on a 6 day binge of Oxycontin, using 200 - 240mg per day in one dose. Now having been addicted to Oxy in the past and withdrawinfg from this many time I expect to be in for a rough ride, I last used 240mg Oxy on Monday 30th September and I started to feel a bit ruff last night (Wednesday 3nd Oct) So may I stress I have not abused any of my prescribed Diazepam as I truely want them out my life for good. But in my Opiated withdrawal desperation I search my room for anything that can help and I come across a stash of Benzos, alsorts, Diazepam, Temazepam, Alprazolam, Diazepam etc and in my desperation to ease my Opiate withdrawal I take 3mg Alprazolam and 80mg Diazepam, it did ease the withdrawal and I also smoked a joint of Hash which is something I do very rarely.
Would this one off binge derailed my taper?
I feel the need to dose again, I'm literally aching all over and feel like I'm jumping out of my skin all at once! I do realise this is mainly due to the fact that I binged on Opiates for the last 6 days so I can expect at least another week of these symptoms to varying degrees, I also realise I'm still in Benzo withdrawal which will most likely last months or years due to my level of abuse.
I guess many of you may tar me with the brush of a hopeless junkie but that is truely not the case, I have so much good in my life, I have a family who are literal saints who give me all the love and affection one could ever ask for, I have an amazing bunch of friends, I have worked in good long - term full time jobs all my working life (I'm now 34) I have always had a roof over my head, food on the table, I have never wanted for anything (except maybe a love life) But that's another story! :laugh:
Thanks for any replies or to anyone who took the time to read what I have written.
I don't often start my own threads, but the past 2weeks of my life has changed everything! I feel like I've been to the other side, you know when you see some guy in the street action bonkers, shouting complete and utter nonsence... Well I've felt like I've taken a glimpse into there world, all though self infliction.
There are many many things which right now I have forgotten or vaugley remember so much of what I have written does not tell the whole story..
To cut a very long story short, around 2 weeks ago I was admitted to my local hospital due to extreme Benzo withdrawal symptoms, I have abised Benzos for around 4 years, doses ranging into the thousands of mg's of Diazepam in a night and other Benzos (Alprazolam, Temazepam) over the course of a weekend. Yes I am very lucky to be alive! Anyway just over 3 weeks ago I quit cold turkey after a heavy Alprazolam binge, I've withdrawn from Benzos cold turkey many times so I thought I knew what I was in for - severe anxiety, irratability, Insomnia, auditory and visual hallucinations, twitches the list is endless.
But this time was so severe I thought I'd lost the plot and there was no coming back, as well as the above I was suffering paranoid delusions, I thought people were trying to break into my house to rob my house and take my family hostage, I even rang a friend to come and help. I had so many nights without sleep, the line between concious, unconcious and subconcious had been wiped away. I basically didn't know what reality was! I lost all my motor skills, I couldn't put hand to mouth, brushing my teeth or having a shave was out of the question. I had to get my mother to feed me and give me fluids through a straw. I lost all basic function as a human being, the times I did manage to crawl to the bathroom my brain couldn't work out how to use a toilet, so on more than one occassion I wet myself.
Anyway enough of the background (Even though there is plenty more to tell that escapes my memory now) although I do remember believing that the nurses in the hospital were trying to kill me. Anyway after 5 and a half days in hospital I was put on a 30mg per day regime of Diazepam to be reduced by 2mg every 1 -2 weeks, and also at the same time I was put on 150mg Pregablin per day for the first week increasing to 300mg per day on the second week and then finally increasing to 600mg per day for the forseeable future until my G.P decides to taper off the pregablin. I had my first appointment with my G.P yesterday (since I left the hospital last Wednesday) My G.P suggested reducing my dose of Diazepam by 5mg after the first 2 weeks on 30mg per day (I currently take 6 x 5mg Diazepam per day - 5mg morning - 5mg afternoon - 5mg early evening - 15mg night time. which will be next Wednesday 9th October and then after that I am not sure of her plans. I'm happy to taper as fast as possible as I plan to go travelling (I quit my job and was meant to be starting my travels 2 days ago but now all this has happened and I don't think travelling the world whilst tapering from Benzos/Pregablin is the best option)
My problem is (self inflicted once again) as soon as I arrived home from hospital I went on a 6 day binge of Oxycontin, using 200 - 240mg per day in one dose. Now having been addicted to Oxy in the past and withdrawinfg from this many time I expect to be in for a rough ride, I last used 240mg Oxy on Monday 30th September and I started to feel a bit ruff last night (Wednesday 3nd Oct) So may I stress I have not abused any of my prescribed Diazepam as I truely want them out my life for good. But in my Opiated withdrawal desperation I search my room for anything that can help and I come across a stash of Benzos, alsorts, Diazepam, Temazepam, Alprazolam, Diazepam etc and in my desperation to ease my Opiate withdrawal I take 3mg Alprazolam and 80mg Diazepam, it did ease the withdrawal and I also smoked a joint of Hash which is something I do very rarely.
Would this one off binge derailed my taper?
I feel the need to dose again, I'm literally aching all over and feel like I'm jumping out of my skin all at once! I do realise this is mainly due to the fact that I binged on Opiates for the last 6 days so I can expect at least another week of these symptoms to varying degrees, I also realise I'm still in Benzo withdrawal which will most likely last months or years due to my level of abuse.
I guess many of you may tar me with the brush of a hopeless junkie but that is truely not the case, I have so much good in my life, I have a family who are literal saints who give me all the love and affection one could ever ask for, I have an amazing bunch of friends, I have worked in good long - term full time jobs all my working life (I'm now 34) I have always had a roof over my head, food on the table, I have never wanted for anything (except maybe a love life) But that's another story! :laugh:
Thanks for any replies or to anyone who took the time to read what I have written.
