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Angry Severe anger...how do you keep your cool?

Flynnal

Flynnal

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2012
Messages
849
It's like I want to destroy everything within a 5 metre radius. How does this happen? It happens so fast. I know it's not intermittent explosive disorder...or is it? It seems to have come back after I've started to really recover from my surgery, when before I was laying in bed for about a week and a half, then slowly started walking and can do most normal things now...except my sexual function is still not good, but that is starting to come back.

Yesterday I had a headache and threw up something I'd eaten in the past 30 minutes. I got nauseous and stressed out after a disagreement. Today everything was fine...that is, until about an hour or so ago when I literally could have throttled someone in front of me. I got all hot and bothered over a dark thought, and that went down the rabbit hole of anger and despair. It was thinking about bad stuff that happened recently and in the past, and anger for the better of me, not to the point of actually doing anything, but mentally I'm still recovering from that...I'm not feeling good at all but a lot better than what I was an hour ago. Right now I'm paying tribute to Jeff Buckley, I still remember when I was told he'd died, and it still pains me to this day. I can't help but know we lost someone special when that happened. He'd be turning 58 on the 17th. But he's no longer with us as of the best part of 30 years ago.

I still can't understand why the best are taken far too soon.
 
One thing that helps me blow off anger is rigorous exercise, particularly running. The combination of burning off adrenaline, endorphin release, and the meditative aspect of running generally always calms me down.
 
I find one concrete thing in the world that I have the power to fix and then do it.
Rinse and repeat until I can smile again.
 
I have a lot of anger issues... it is one of the most dark sides in me... explosivity that can potentially ruin relationships or cause financial issues... I have not raised my fist against anyone in over 10 years, so that is one thing going for me and I am grateful my defences against causing bodily harm are so well developed.

It is still shit trait... you sound like you've got plenty on your plate, please talk to mental health professional about it, it seems like these recent events have unstabilized you seriously. There is this order of emotions/feelings people end up looping when they are faced with something they have difficulties to deal with, which is chaos of pissed-offness, anxiety, anger, hatred, fear and grief. And finally dissociation when they can not carry you on anymore.

Try to stop yourself in some point. You might notice some lead that could help you out of the emotional turmoil you are in, part of your mental side can resist that, claiming it is too much to take a look at mirror and have responsibility, but try to stay consistent. If you can find mental position that encourages you to behave responsibly, try to maintain in that position, resist thoughts acting out in loud, aggressive, expressive manner... following that does not maybe make you perfectly content but it is much better than getting maniac... getting maniac is insisting you can serve your needs by acting in antisocial ways. That's not how it works. The real peace is found with acting in empathy and in seeking for empathy.

I have read a lot of your posts, I know you have much on your plate and I highly appreciate your ability to deal with your issues in civil manner. I doubt I could do the same and I think most people could not. I don't judge you for acting out. You are not flawed doing that.

But if you want to keep it together, this is what I can tell you.
 
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i have learned to balance my energy and stress levels.
listen to what my body & mind tells me, and take necessary measures to avoid building up too much of either one.
mostly by engaging in rewarding tasks, sometimes it's with the help of benzos.
 
Flynnal said:
It's like I want to destroy everything within a 5 metre radius. How does this happen? It happens so fast. I know it's not intermittent explosive disorder...or is it? It seems to have come back after I've started to really recover from my surgery, when before I was laying in bed for about a week and a half, then slowly started walking and can do most normal things now...except my sexual function is still not good, but that is starting to come back.

Yesterday I had a headache and threw up something I'd eaten in the past 30 minutes. I got nauseous and stressed out after a disagreement. Today everything was fine...that is, until about an hour or so ago when I literally could have throttled someone in front of me. I got all hot and bothered over a dark thought, and that went down the rabbit hole of anger and despair. It was thinking about bad stuff that happened recently and in the past, and anger for the better of me, not to the point of actually doing anything, but mentally I'm still recovering from that...I'm not feeling good at all but a lot better than what I was an hour ago. Right now I'm paying tribute to Jeff Buckley, I still remember when I was told he'd died, and it still pains me to this day. I can't help but know we lost someone special when that happened. He'd be turning 58 on the 17th. But he's no longer with us as of the best part of 30 years ago.

I still can't understand why the best are taken far too soon.
Click to expand...
Like somebody else said be observant about who you surround yourself with, some people that I had in my life, would just take me to that level, those friendships our relationship had to end or at least pause.

Also, DBT coping skills have saved me so many times. Specifically distress tolerance, and emotional regulation. The old dunk, my face in freezing, cold water trick, works wonders. I’ll link you some skills ❤️

https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/
 
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