The last month has been pretty damn rough for me. I picked up an addiction to benzos at the end of August and it gradually got worse until things came to a head. I wrecked my car into a guardrail while pretty high on coke and some RC benzo. It didn't do terminal damage and I was able to keep driving home so I didn't get arrested but my family was pissed so in all my benzo'd out wisdom I told them what was going on with my dependence. The next day they made me go to the emergency room where I was admitted to detox off benzos.
It was a pretty miserable experience even though I had a private room and the worlds fastest Ativan taper. The hospital kept pushing me to go into there month long inpatient rehab program which would have forced me to quit methadone maintenance without so much as a taper. I knew it was a horrible idea but trying to fight off aggressive sales people in the midst of having your mind bent by withdrawals was a difficult experience. They kept telling my mom methadone maintenance was the same thing as being a heroin addict and all that 12 step propaganda. To her credit she stood strong for the most part as she has seen how much maintenance has improved my life over the last year. In the end they lied and said I could do outpatient treatment and stay on methadone. When I got out I found that was totally untrue I would still be required to quit methadone.
The whole experience reinforced my belief that most all drug rehabs are completely out of touch with reality. I wonder how many people are convinced to get off maintenance get there money taken then sent home to relapse and die after 30 days. Hell I still would have been dope sick after 30 days. The whole idea was insanity. There is a reason opioid relapse rates are above 90 percent. Rehab programs are unequipped to deal with the unique problems of patients like me.
The whole experience has further motivated me too pursue activism in an aggressive manner on behalf of all maintenance patients. If I ever get my shit together enough to finish my degree I am going to open a halfway house and outpatient rehab program that accepts maintenance patients. Not only is the service desperately needed I feel there is money to be made. I always say I have no problem with the 12 steps but I cant help but feel like its influence has had a negative effect on the quality of drug treatment in this country.
I am still hurting from the benzo withdrawal but I am hanging tough even though I had a slip up 2 days ago. I am really hoping that I feel better sooner rather then later but from what I have read its going to be a long recovery.
It was a pretty miserable experience even though I had a private room and the worlds fastest Ativan taper. The hospital kept pushing me to go into there month long inpatient rehab program which would have forced me to quit methadone maintenance without so much as a taper. I knew it was a horrible idea but trying to fight off aggressive sales people in the midst of having your mind bent by withdrawals was a difficult experience. They kept telling my mom methadone maintenance was the same thing as being a heroin addict and all that 12 step propaganda. To her credit she stood strong for the most part as she has seen how much maintenance has improved my life over the last year. In the end they lied and said I could do outpatient treatment and stay on methadone. When I got out I found that was totally untrue I would still be required to quit methadone.
The whole experience reinforced my belief that most all drug rehabs are completely out of touch with reality. I wonder how many people are convinced to get off maintenance get there money taken then sent home to relapse and die after 30 days. Hell I still would have been dope sick after 30 days. The whole idea was insanity. There is a reason opioid relapse rates are above 90 percent. Rehab programs are unequipped to deal with the unique problems of patients like me.
The whole experience has further motivated me too pursue activism in an aggressive manner on behalf of all maintenance patients. If I ever get my shit together enough to finish my degree I am going to open a halfway house and outpatient rehab program that accepts maintenance patients. Not only is the service desperately needed I feel there is money to be made. I always say I have no problem with the 12 steps but I cant help but feel like its influence has had a negative effect on the quality of drug treatment in this country.
I am still hurting from the benzo withdrawal but I am hanging tough even though I had a slip up 2 days ago. I am really hoping that I feel better sooner rather then later but from what I have read its going to be a long recovery.