I had a pretty scary couple days while in hospital recently, where I still am. I was on a lot of different medications, some of them to large as in over normal level dosing and a lot of different things for different prescribed reasons. I gained a plethora of diagnoses over the years and was treating myself for this and that and just running my habits along full throttle as well.
I totally deluded myself really - as I did everything to manage my medical care. Manage it as someone with this and that, and I needed here thesethings for that whatever, I had it physician backed from all my spread out and split up medical care over the years. My own knowledge of the drugs and an increasingly expert background in harm reduction stuff actually wound up being a ball and chain.
Even when I was clean I wasn’t even close because of how I ran my pharmacy options with my doctor and leveraged my knowledge of drugs and harm reduction to move things around however I wished,
I actually kept repeatedly winding up in psychotic states, or at he very least paranoid and mistrustful. Ultimately the balance of all these meds, and I was up to 5-6 different things and some narcotic to large amounts, it wasn’t working. I had no idea how screwed up I was, I truly had no clue. Some better days interspersed with some really bad stretches defined my life pattern whether I was using or not.
So I had yet another break and I wound up in hospital where I still am. Just one switch on one med put me into serotonin syndrome. It was something else. At first I remember feeling shaky. Then I got really confused. Like I couldn’t remember for the life of me which hospital bed was mine and stuff. Then I just don’t remember, but medical staff told me I ran a fever, I became stiff, I’ve are unresponsive.
I wound up on a feeding tube for over a week. I lost several kilograms of weight and I woke up in a what the fuck kind of daze. My dad was there. They managed to wake me up during a visit. He has been seeing me fairly regularly this time around. Thank you dad.
My memory is mixed up for the time. But anyway the vast majority of my meds were re over from my regiment during this time. All narcotics are gone except methadone which I have actually decided to quit and detox from while I am in hospital. I’m gonna do a hard cut from 40mg to 0mg in what I hope only takes a couple weeks.
I used to have a ridiculous amphetamines script for ADHD and a methadone maintenance style coverage with Vyvanse at 100mg a day and Dexedrine at 30mg a day. I got amped every day and it worked well. It also worked well in stoking my instabilities as well because I am prone to psychotic breaks with meth. I am in strattera now at a low dose. It’s a non stimulant adhd med. it actually works pretty fucking well in my opinion and aside from that it’s all gone when the methadone out. The mood stabilizers, the antipsychotics, the amphetamines, I kicked morphine which I was scripted as well, the Gabapentinoids, the benzodiazepines, I had the best script in the world which would make a lot of people jealous here. Like I had everything and at a good enough dose to maintain a habit with any one of them.
This experience has really left a mark on me. My whole perspective has changed to a level of clarity zigavent had for a long long time. I don’t believe a word of my full diagnoses and severities in mental health until I can get a full reassessment. Some things I understand are true but man oh man is being Stoked quickly off of everything and feeling my natural self really making a difference in my perspective.
I’m sad for how my life has gone but I’m okay. Serotonin syndrome. It’s fucked up man. That was really freaky, and luckily for the better,
I feel like I’ve had an exorcism. My memory is a little screwed up but it’s coming back. There are things I’m realizing and seeing about myself and my situation that I needed a clear on so badly for so long and it’s all come back. It’s a relief.
My situation is scary though. I’m possibly facing homelessness again and I have a lot of problems I need to fix. I made some decisions and pulled some stunts in my prior haze I need to face the music for.
But I am actually back to life. Holy fucking damn I am back with a vengeance.
This is happier than dark side but it’s about the dark side . Crossing over.
I totally deluded myself really - as I did everything to manage my medical care. Manage it as someone with this and that, and I needed here thesethings for that whatever, I had it physician backed from all my spread out and split up medical care over the years. My own knowledge of the drugs and an increasingly expert background in harm reduction stuff actually wound up being a ball and chain.
Even when I was clean I wasn’t even close because of how I ran my pharmacy options with my doctor and leveraged my knowledge of drugs and harm reduction to move things around however I wished,
I actually kept repeatedly winding up in psychotic states, or at he very least paranoid and mistrustful. Ultimately the balance of all these meds, and I was up to 5-6 different things and some narcotic to large amounts, it wasn’t working. I had no idea how screwed up I was, I truly had no clue. Some better days interspersed with some really bad stretches defined my life pattern whether I was using or not.
So I had yet another break and I wound up in hospital where I still am. Just one switch on one med put me into serotonin syndrome. It was something else. At first I remember feeling shaky. Then I got really confused. Like I couldn’t remember for the life of me which hospital bed was mine and stuff. Then I just don’t remember, but medical staff told me I ran a fever, I became stiff, I’ve are unresponsive.
I wound up on a feeding tube for over a week. I lost several kilograms of weight and I woke up in a what the fuck kind of daze. My dad was there. They managed to wake me up during a visit. He has been seeing me fairly regularly this time around. Thank you dad.
My memory is mixed up for the time. But anyway the vast majority of my meds were re over from my regiment during this time. All narcotics are gone except methadone which I have actually decided to quit and detox from while I am in hospital. I’m gonna do a hard cut from 40mg to 0mg in what I hope only takes a couple weeks.
I used to have a ridiculous amphetamines script for ADHD and a methadone maintenance style coverage with Vyvanse at 100mg a day and Dexedrine at 30mg a day. I got amped every day and it worked well. It also worked well in stoking my instabilities as well because I am prone to psychotic breaks with meth. I am in strattera now at a low dose. It’s a non stimulant adhd med. it actually works pretty fucking well in my opinion and aside from that it’s all gone when the methadone out. The mood stabilizers, the antipsychotics, the amphetamines, I kicked morphine which I was scripted as well, the Gabapentinoids, the benzodiazepines, I had the best script in the world which would make a lot of people jealous here. Like I had everything and at a good enough dose to maintain a habit with any one of them.
This experience has really left a mark on me. My whole perspective has changed to a level of clarity zigavent had for a long long time. I don’t believe a word of my full diagnoses and severities in mental health until I can get a full reassessment. Some things I understand are true but man oh man is being Stoked quickly off of everything and feeling my natural self really making a difference in my perspective.
I’m sad for how my life has gone but I’m okay. Serotonin syndrome. It’s fucked up man. That was really freaky, and luckily for the better,
I feel like I’ve had an exorcism. My memory is a little screwed up but it’s coming back. There are things I’m realizing and seeing about myself and my situation that I needed a clear on so badly for so long and it’s all come back. It’s a relief.
My situation is scary though. I’m possibly facing homelessness again and I have a lot of problems I need to fix. I made some decisions and pulled some stunts in my prior haze I need to face the music for.
But I am actually back to life. Holy fucking damn I am back with a vengeance.
This is happier than dark side but it’s about the dark side . Crossing over.
