This post is about my long-time use of MDMA and LSD, and serotonin syndrome. I know this is discussed in tons of threads (I have read many of them), and I've done quite a bit of reading on the web, so I hope it isn’t a repeat. My major symptoms appeared this past Monday (today is Saturday). They are:
Fuzzy/double vision Vertigo/poor balance during main Sweat when lying down Twitching
“Spacing out” (like LSD) Slight mispronouncing words (rare) Poor appetite (improving)
They are strongest when I first wake up in the morning, and start to wane after about 4 hours. Cognitively I’m “all with-it” – I can still converse normally during it. I don’t feel depressed.
I want to know:
How severe these symptoms are (I can’t get to work!).
Is recovery possible? Will this get better, or will worse? Personal experience is best.
SS is potentially fatal… is that due to the immediate effects, or can it happen weeks or months after? What usually causes it?
And I'm really fucking scared.
I'm 100% responsible for my behavior. I don't need a lecture about "too little too late" and poor decision-making.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I will greatly appreciate whatever knowledge or experience you folks can share.
The explanation is below.
I've been a very frequent user of MDMA and LSD. Since September 2012 I have done it just about every weekend, twice per weekend, and usually re-dosing on both; I'd spend Sunday sleeping it off. In the spring of this year (2015) I cut down on the partying to maybe once per weekend, and not really at all during the summer. Since the beaches closed at the end of August, I have partied probably once per weekend. A typical night would be 3 - 5 tabs of *really* good strong acid and two hits of MDMA. A few times I did 10 tabs of acid (and it was not as crazy as I expected).
I buy my shit online and always tested it and weighed my own MDMA to between 90mg - 140mg... usually 120mg each. I would usually redose MDMA 3 hours after the first hit - and maybe a tab or 3 of acid. Just about every weekend. For 2+ years. My logic was that if I was going to kill myself, at least I was doing it "safely" (not buying shit at parties). Clearly, poor thinking; I don't need a lecture.
I have had night sweats and minor leg tremors for a few years, which we attributed to my epilepsy (...yeah... and I take meds for epilepsy). This Monday as I stood up and stepped off my subway train, I was "hit SMACK in the face" with an overwhelming feeling of vertigo, dissociation, and the eyesight of someone who had 10 shots of liquor. I was really, really out of it. I very slowly and carefully got out of the subway and hustled the block to my office, a safe place; I came in and put my head on my desk for a while. I guess I must have felt better relatively quickly because I was able to finish the 9 hour workday. I felt the lingering effects through the evening.
My symptoms feel like the disorientation of an LSD trip and the balance and eyesight of a 10-shot drunk. They come and go throughout the day, although they are worst in the morning. Cognitively I feel “all with it”, not “slow”. At the moment I only thing I'm feeling is the strong focus that LSD gives (and not a lot)
Tuesday morning, I woke up, and sitting up from the bed got hit by the same feeling as I did in the subway. I made it to work somehow and saw my epilepsy neurologist that afternoon. I described my drug usage from 2 weeks prior, but did not mention the long-term usage. He did the usual tests he does, and I passed them with no issue. He seemed to think that because the drugs were taken 2 weeks prior, the symptoms were most likely related to the three small seizures I had in the previous two weeks. I asked if it was "autonomic neuropathy" and he said no, and stay off the internet. He is well-known and very respected in neurology, and I trust him… 99%. But I hear that doctors don’t like to give patients a diagnosis because of lawsuits.
On Wednesday morning before work I masturbated, and was immediately hit with the feelings I have described. Somehow I still made it into the office and got some work done, but I was pretty spaced out. I can’t recall how bad it was in comparison to others. When I got home, I vaporized two tiny pieces of (really strong) bud, and it seemed to moderate the symptoms. Apparently that was a bad idea? I haven’t since.
Thursday and Friday when I woke up I was so fucked-up incoherent that I couldn't go to work. I was able to go outside for a walk each afternoon, and the fresh and sunlight really seems to make things better. But the mornings were hard.
Symptoms come and go through the day, and changing positions quickly seems to bring it back. I also sweat at night, and this usually results in 4-6 hours of sleep.
This morning I was really hit with it again. I am trying to judge whether they are getting lesser or stronger, but how do you measure that? I felt TERRIBLE for about 4-5 hours after waking up. Then I went for a short hike in the hills with my parents; my perception felt like half a hit of acid but I was getting around without issue. I felt a lot better with the cool air, sunlight, and tranquility, and I just finished a tasty dinner of chicken soup; I didn’t feel spaced out. But I am concerned that I have been twitching more often (10-30 seconds apart, arms, wrist, fingers). And I also have mispronounced a couple words (maybe 5 times). I did an old Sunday crossword puzzle though!
Right now I feel a lot closer to ‘normal’, but I’m afraid that even a fast movement would set it off.
I intend to see my neurologist again on Monday.
So, to restate my questions:
How severe are my symptoms
Is recovery possible? Will this get better, or will worse? Personal experience is best.
SS is potentially fatal… is that due to the immediate effects, or can it happen weeks or months after?
I'm really, really fucking scared. =(
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I will greatly appreciate whatever experience you folks can share.
Fuzzy/double vision Vertigo/poor balance during main Sweat when lying down Twitching
“Spacing out” (like LSD) Slight mispronouncing words (rare) Poor appetite (improving)
They are strongest when I first wake up in the morning, and start to wane after about 4 hours. Cognitively I’m “all with-it” – I can still converse normally during it. I don’t feel depressed.
I want to know:
How severe these symptoms are (I can’t get to work!).
Is recovery possible? Will this get better, or will worse? Personal experience is best.
SS is potentially fatal… is that due to the immediate effects, or can it happen weeks or months after? What usually causes it?
And I'm really fucking scared.
I'm 100% responsible for my behavior. I don't need a lecture about "too little too late" and poor decision-making.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I will greatly appreciate whatever knowledge or experience you folks can share.
The explanation is below.
I've been a very frequent user of MDMA and LSD. Since September 2012 I have done it just about every weekend, twice per weekend, and usually re-dosing on both; I'd spend Sunday sleeping it off. In the spring of this year (2015) I cut down on the partying to maybe once per weekend, and not really at all during the summer. Since the beaches closed at the end of August, I have partied probably once per weekend. A typical night would be 3 - 5 tabs of *really* good strong acid and two hits of MDMA. A few times I did 10 tabs of acid (and it was not as crazy as I expected).
I buy my shit online and always tested it and weighed my own MDMA to between 90mg - 140mg... usually 120mg each. I would usually redose MDMA 3 hours after the first hit - and maybe a tab or 3 of acid. Just about every weekend. For 2+ years. My logic was that if I was going to kill myself, at least I was doing it "safely" (not buying shit at parties). Clearly, poor thinking; I don't need a lecture.
I have had night sweats and minor leg tremors for a few years, which we attributed to my epilepsy (...yeah... and I take meds for epilepsy). This Monday as I stood up and stepped off my subway train, I was "hit SMACK in the face" with an overwhelming feeling of vertigo, dissociation, and the eyesight of someone who had 10 shots of liquor. I was really, really out of it. I very slowly and carefully got out of the subway and hustled the block to my office, a safe place; I came in and put my head on my desk for a while. I guess I must have felt better relatively quickly because I was able to finish the 9 hour workday. I felt the lingering effects through the evening.
My symptoms feel like the disorientation of an LSD trip and the balance and eyesight of a 10-shot drunk. They come and go throughout the day, although they are worst in the morning. Cognitively I feel “all with it”, not “slow”. At the moment I only thing I'm feeling is the strong focus that LSD gives (and not a lot)
Tuesday morning, I woke up, and sitting up from the bed got hit by the same feeling as I did in the subway. I made it to work somehow and saw my epilepsy neurologist that afternoon. I described my drug usage from 2 weeks prior, but did not mention the long-term usage. He did the usual tests he does, and I passed them with no issue. He seemed to think that because the drugs were taken 2 weeks prior, the symptoms were most likely related to the three small seizures I had in the previous two weeks. I asked if it was "autonomic neuropathy" and he said no, and stay off the internet. He is well-known and very respected in neurology, and I trust him… 99%. But I hear that doctors don’t like to give patients a diagnosis because of lawsuits.
On Wednesday morning before work I masturbated, and was immediately hit with the feelings I have described. Somehow I still made it into the office and got some work done, but I was pretty spaced out. I can’t recall how bad it was in comparison to others. When I got home, I vaporized two tiny pieces of (really strong) bud, and it seemed to moderate the symptoms. Apparently that was a bad idea? I haven’t since.
Thursday and Friday when I woke up I was so fucked-up incoherent that I couldn't go to work. I was able to go outside for a walk each afternoon, and the fresh and sunlight really seems to make things better. But the mornings were hard.
Symptoms come and go through the day, and changing positions quickly seems to bring it back. I also sweat at night, and this usually results in 4-6 hours of sleep.
This morning I was really hit with it again. I am trying to judge whether they are getting lesser or stronger, but how do you measure that? I felt TERRIBLE for about 4-5 hours after waking up. Then I went for a short hike in the hills with my parents; my perception felt like half a hit of acid but I was getting around without issue. I felt a lot better with the cool air, sunlight, and tranquility, and I just finished a tasty dinner of chicken soup; I didn’t feel spaced out. But I am concerned that I have been twitching more often (10-30 seconds apart, arms, wrist, fingers). And I also have mispronounced a couple words (maybe 5 times). I did an old Sunday crossword puzzle though!
Right now I feel a lot closer to ‘normal’, but I’m afraid that even a fast movement would set it off.
I intend to see my neurologist again on Monday.
So, to restate my questions:
How severe are my symptoms
Is recovery possible? Will this get better, or will worse? Personal experience is best.
SS is potentially fatal… is that due to the immediate effects, or can it happen weeks or months after?
I'm really, really fucking scared. =(
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I will greatly appreciate whatever experience you folks can share.
