"Seperated Chambers" (contains audio)

[Mostslepton]

note: this shit's long

Track title: "Seperated Chambers'
running time: 7:39

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.p...798995&email=ad0dd856fa6e482c338cfdbb83b3b292

Now, I don't know if there is a designated area for audio art here, but I'll go ahead and throw in the link. Its somewhat on some spoken word tip, I did it in one take and if you can look past the bad quality (I'm an artist, not a producer), by all means do so.

Lyrics:

invasive surgery purged me of devotion

this notion I don't get until these emotions

cease their explosions and I can accept this

exclusion from this affinity and therefor acceptance

nobody can have this gift its just too tremendous

my offering's off and awful offspring of antipathy

have been bred as it bled and I head to a deathbed

inamorato with a broken bottle

two vulnerable veins and a maimed motto

I remain hollow but stand tomorow

to borrow another day of sustained sorrow

quality's the emphasis through attempts to quantify

something I can't verbally express so I die inside

forever devoted until every letter's decoded

allegiance eroded temporarily so I wrote this

hoping to focus I sent for blue lotus

admired and respected this ardency and honesty

enamoured not with this but the concept, see

but was it a fallacy, was I a stepping stone

I got so close to the light as it shone

I was blinded to find it again, willed by darkness

regardless of that it's not heartless

the smartest approach is to hope for a coach

and to know what's intended; this sweet reproach

this slice so nice, perforates every facet

of our consonance

red drips like faucets the fastest

decorates what it splashes like fashion

misery acts as a fascist

where lancets are portals

this is reciprocity

against the numerous atrocities

perpetrated against humanity

compliance, subservience demanded in me

I can't stand it and I see

this corrosion of conformity

and everybody who's normal seems

to be deformed swarms and they're cold

but this performed warmth grows until it burns

like hot coals

I've got this passage into my stream and charcoal

soley subsisting so its relentless

you're mentally driving me over the edge

till I'm physically driving me over the ledge

still I'm spiritually striving and sober I pledge

to get rid of these drives and to go on ahead

this image of you and this tune in my head

it won't leave me alone, like your gun to the head

ponder this incessantly, rarely do I forget

and the few times I do, I have those dreams again

gulping and clenching and really just tensing

convulsing and sobbing because of what I'm sensing

till I vomit and promise that this is the end here

I know it this time and hence all the shaking

mentally breaking, racing and pacing

tires on the pavement, rain on the windshield

thunder within earshot and wonderful beer's got

these blue things going down the tube

no wipers so I'm blinded and winding

down this road from the whining and wine seems

to add to the affliction, so sad I had addiction

so bad I couldn't kick it, not glad to be the victim

last minute brake applied as the brain's supply

is cut off, and brakes were cut off,

mentally take a break inside as I wake and sigh

sentences are runons, talking about what I said's soft

momentum simply builds and it heads over cliff

as I fall I affirm that I'd get it right next time

I can hear a voice saying it's your last rhyme

no time to think of anything but "this sucks"

and at this point I'm so loaded I'm fucked

I wonder whether this shit will explode when it's touched

by the hand of God and the burden's off these

shoulder's this soldier's a loner and bones hurt

I roll like those bolders and hold a tight grip

it can't end like this, but I can't accept this!

sick to my stomach, and feelings aren't coming

ripped something from it, soul's cold and so lonely

nothing much there but cold indifference

indignant, I dig it and love that real wicked shit

but anything except this... like I said can't accept it

guess I'll die without a soul and hope it's like before I was born

yes I'll try to doubt this hole and cope just like before

mess I'll fry or float on clouds and do it again

perspective shift is the difference between you and a friend

I crawled towards the light alright became a creature u crushed

like a moth to a flame I never overcame my stupid impulses

what they find they won't even be able to say what the pulse is

first time I ever smiled when I felt that inner peace

of knowing I'd soon be essentially at ease

from the inevitable storm of chaos followed by eventual release

I suppose joined in a different reality is how this was meant to be

funny 'cause you lack comprehension of what this meant to me

another wave of expression in an apprehensive stream

or a demented dream as a mental protest against what you went to see

I know it's overly dramamtic, the whole scene's cinematic

this reaction automatic, end results are tragic

as I woke from that night mare I laughed and reazlied

it only gives me white hairs, breeds wrath and reaks of lies

so that's when I decide to look back and do it right

I wish I never existed but I don't want to lie

underground so I tried a slightly different approach

saved some cash and skydived

stapled a note to my chest addressing the pain

looked out the plane as I prepared to dive

took a breath and a sight, dove and pondered a bit

dosed in midair to hold the poisons inside

removed my shute and the spair

and as I fall through the air I wish I could take it back

the longest ten minutes of my life

by some miracle a tree broke my fall

and as I lay there impaled I see the absurdity

of seeking this fate and slipping into obscurity

dangling hundreds of feet above the ground I puke at some point

there goes the toxins I ingested, maybe soon I'll be joined

I slip as the branch breaks and give everybody handshakes

metaphorically off course as I exit this course

***

I found the body of a male, bones broken and bruised

lieing right outside my campsite, I did the only thing I could do

called certain numbers and now I'm intriguied

to see what he saw, so I listen to the reports

he's in critical condition, someplace in a coma

I was only on a visit from Cali to Arizona

I guess this person figured he was to be a goner

but something had different plans, as he's getting more stable

they found a note with him that read of truths and of fables

it read the following, as best I recall

"yes I'm sick of it all, but it's not what you think

I can't have what I want, so I wanted to slip

I don't want to die, I just don't want to exist

don't blame yourself or anybody else

I'm a grown fucking man, and everything's planned

if any given event shouldn't occur, then it obviously wasn't meant

otherwise it would have, despite how sad the event

"I deeply hurt inside, so I go flirt outside" read that shit on the DV

in the freestylez thread now I'm out of my head

wish I could erase it all, without leaving one trace

don't want anybody else to be seen as bad because of this

but I was so fucking close and I'm sad because of this

a couple times in my life, events I remember

almost had it just right even wack ties all got severed

what led up to this was a combination of factors

as I grow older my heart gets colder and blacker

misery loves my company and it's unevenly distributed

so I listened to some music, hence I have a message

to the media that claims this is the thing that did him in

don't try to perpetuate those stereotypes because music is art

entertainment that's it, this is real life you dig?

and the wide range of human emotions we're all subject to

have been around since time immemorial

I used to want a long life and wish I was immortal

now I seek out that portal, so I can just be at ease

I never consciously knew that I wanted to be loved

I don't want any sympathy and I can't be saved by a hug

and this shovel's getting heavy, the way this grave's being dug

so I'm finally doing it because some things are beyond my control

told myself I could handle it, I guess I was wrong

said look bitch you're blessed and you're strong

and you have all these attributes, for this the rest of 'em long

take a trip or get drunk and maybe listen to songs

fix your shit and keep on, just fucking move on

but remember this is a cummulative effect

and each day's just too long, I can't shake these feelings

cannot take back those shady dealings

or be saved by hatred or humour, nor meditation or scriptures

not even medication or convictions, can't delete the pictures

can't erase that message, or forget what it represented

it all returns to one truth, so without further ado

I'm gonna do what I do, live life your own way

don't fucking question what I say

my truth is subjective, yours is just different

I'm tired of the pain and I'm sick of the ignorance

in my mind sounds a gong, it's time to get gone

never think of me as a failure, just hold me in your memory

and we can keep it the same, maybe meet on the otherside"

***

so what's the deal with this guy, I heard about on the news

I think he's doing alright, making a recovery, right?

maybe I don't know, wait hold up wake up he's inside

 

[Mostslepton]

Oh, no. I mispelt the title! Do I have to live with that, or can this be corrected?

 

[Jabberwocky]

i corrected the mispelling for you.

I really enjoyed this. I think that your strongest suit is those very sharp staccato of descriptive verbs, with your vocal and writing style it works really well. I think as far as constructive criticism goes you need a bit of work on your phrasing. Sometimes it feels as though you are going for one emotion but it is not represented vocally the same way. That being said this only happens a few times through out the structure of the narrative.

One suggestion would be to break it into parts. Although i am hesitating to say this because i am not someone who should be able to tell someone else how to do their art. BL tends to have an adhd issue in regards to length. There are various parts to your spoken word and could easily be broken into smaller fragments, but then again it may loose some of its continuity.

Thanks for sharing I thought it was awesome, please feel free to perhaps record more and share it here.

 

[Mostslepton]

i corrected the mispelling for you.

Thank you, and thanks for the input. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts definitely.

Again, I did it all in one take and at the moment I don't have the ability to edit, but I suppose I could have recorded it in two, three, or even four smaller parts.

Once I get Cool Edit back I'll probably re-record this, and maybe out it to a beat or a dramatic musical backdrop.