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sending a letter of forgiveness to a past girlfriend

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psytaco

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 20, 2005
Messages
1,673
Location
Melbourne, Aus
As I have posted here several times about this, I had a girlfriend cheat on me and run off with someone else.

For over a year it hurt a lot and it was the cause of me falling into a very deep depression. However, over the past few months my depression has lifted almost completely and I feel that I have forgiven her. Although she hurt me greatly and acted selfishly, through two years as my girlfriend she was very loving and caring. In the sparse correspondence we have had since breaking up, she has apologised and said that she feels very guilty about what she did.

I feel that I have mostly moved on and I also feel that I have forgiven her. Although occassionally I feel a bit of anger and saddness about what happened, I have recently being looking back on the good times we had together. I still love her in a way and will probably always love her. I don't regret our time together and even though the ending of the relationship caused me immense pain I have put aside my hate for her and found solace in the fact that I can forgive her and love her again. The depressive episode I suffered (as hard as it was and it not being something I ever want to repeat) has made me a stronger person and has allowed me to deal with some issues and come to some important realisations.

I wanted to wanted to send her a letter telling her as much. I wanted to let her know that I forgive her, that she will always be a part of me and that many good things have come out of us breaking up (personally, financially and career wise for me). I'm not writing to her as a ploy to win her back as it would be impossible for that to happen and I don't want to really even see her again let alone be in a relationship with her. I'm not sure if I want her to respond to the letter either.

Do you guys think writing a letter like this would be a good idea? I feel it may be cathartic for me and for me to completely end a very difficult part of my life on a positive note. Alternatively, do you think it would be a bad idea, that it is better to let 'sleeping dogs lie' and that it may actually set my healing back?

All thoughts are welcome:)
 
personally, no.

My ex girlfriend cheated on me and I went through the worst depression of MY LIFE. Then when I finally got another girlfriend I was constantly paranoid about her finding someone else. Personally I came to the conclusion that my ex was just generally a terrible person. While there were times were we were just young and in love and it seemed like everything was perfect, she threw that all away by betraying me and cheating on me with multiple people then acted like she didn't know why she did it. Her excuse for why she did it is that she "froze up" and "wasn't thinking."

If you don't wanna win her back, or ever see her again, don't contact her.

I personally would send her a photo of myself looking happy as hell with a better woman and two middle fingers raised in the air.
 
You haven't moved on.

The letter is a way of your subconscious allowing you to try and contact her again and win her back.

Believe me I've been there, not exactly the same situation, but similar. Time to get honest with yourself bro.

Don't write it, realise there are 3 billion other woman on the planet, a whole host of whom will be willing to suck your dick and cuddle you, and go and try and find some of them.
 
I know you feel that you need to let her know how the breakup impacted you. It's happened to me and I've written e-mails, saved them as drafts and never sent them. This way I could still vent in a sense without stirring up drama. I wouldn't send her that letter, what good would it do really? Then you will wonder how she feels, how will she react or just ignore it. That's like opening yourself up for more hurt in my opinion. It's like you said probably better to let sleeping dogs lie. :/
 
I'm happy I asked here first.

I'm definitely not over it as I still think about her everyday but I am past being angry about it. I actually wrote the letter and felt good after writing it. I have written plenty of angry emails before that I never sent. This was the first nice one I have written and after writing made me reflect on how far I have come in terms of my life and my depression. I have definitely accomplished a lot this year.

I haven't sent this one either. I think I just might sit on it for a few months by which stage I probably won't care enough to send it anyway.

To the person who said I am trying to win her back; I'm definitely not. She married the guy she cheated on me with plus lives in the US and I live in Australia. Plus she has plenty of issues and cannot be trusted. So even if I wanted to win her back it would be logistically impossible.
 
Sending a letter to her is stupid. You could write it and not send it as a form of catharsis if you must, but I don't see the point of sending her a letter.
 
psytaco said:
To the person who said I am trying to win her back; I'm definitely not. She married the guy she cheated on me with plus lives in the US and I live in Australia. Plus she has plenty of issues and cannot be trusted. So even if I wanted to win her back it would be logistically impossible.
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Since when has anything like that stopped a dude from trying to get a girl he wants/needs? ;)

Like I said, subconscious.
 
It's natural after time to forget the bad times and remember the good ones. This is why people get back together after breaking up, not giving enough weight to what caused them to break up for in the first place.

I had a wild hair up my ass to do the same thing. This particular ex started doing coke and cheated on me with five guys. There was no evidence to support the fact, but when you're with someone, you KNOW. He's really turned into a foul motherfucker, so it's easy for me to continue hating him.

After what she did, it may be necessary for YOU to forgive her, but there's no reason for her to know it. What she pulled was really disgusting, but yes I think it's good for you to let go of it, eventually.
 
It seems like you haven't moved on completely.

You've got to stop thinking about her! If you say you're over her, prove it to yourself.
 
contacting this woman will set you back cos she still has a hold over you

until you generally just dont give a shit, you're not over someone
 
^ yes. IMHO sending the letter would achieve no more than giving her an ego boost; when you tell somebody how much pain they've caused you, it gives them a power over you. If I'm hurt, I hide those wounds from the person whose hurt me.
 
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