• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Sending a birthday gift to an ex

Sticky Green

Sticky Green

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 30, 2002
Messages
1,620
Location
Philly burbs
I'm going to send a gift to an old girlfriend for her birthday and wanted to run this by you guys before I do anything dumb.

We were together for a little over a year, shared an apartment in college for a bit and had to part ways because life had different plans for each of us, so we split on good terms. Since then we only met up once (due to distance), and communication died over time. Now we send Skype messages back and forth every few weeks like an ongoing conversation, but that's about it. Last year we sent birthday gifts to each other.

So why even ask this question?

I think she may have a new boyfriend now, but I'm not sure. I'm guessing it would be her first boyfriend since me, but I could be wrong about that too. We don't talk about personal relationships we have with other people, we just keep it casual. From my standpoint, I don't want to interfere with her getting on with her life. Even though it would hurt a bit to know she has found someone else, it's just something I have to deal with.

So my gift idea was to send her a fruit basket with some other goodies, cookies, sweets, flowers (no roses). On the card I was going to say something like: "To a special person on a special day. From, (my name, or "An old friend")" It's the last part that I question the most. Should I make it a guessing game? Or just leave my name? I'm not even sure if the delivery service would let me do that.

Your thoughts?
 
If you want more with her, this isn't the way to do it.
Build something via skype messages, get some flow with her and then increase from that. A gift can easily be offputting. Especially one with no name.

My thoughts are to be happy with the terms you have now. If she wants more she will let you know by responding more quickly to your messages or extending an invitation to do something together.

On second thought, you could ask her what she is DOING on her birthday.
 
This gift is not supposed to be a sign of "take me back" or wanting more, in fact just the opposite. I was hoping that it would be something she can enjoy without giving the impression that I'd want something in return.
 
A simple card would be far as I would go, just because I wouldn't want my ex to get the wrong idea. I still love my ex but as the holidays and his birthday passed a couple months ago, I simply called him to wish him well.
 
I agree...I'm not sure sending her a present would be a good idea - especially if you guys don't talk much anymore, it could really be interpreted as you wanting to get her back. This is a nice idea on your part but the way I see it, exes should be exes, especially when it was a relatively long relationship...they should be left alone, so to speak. I think the card would be more than enough :)
 
If I were you, I wouldn't send anything. The "To a special person on a special day" message could be misinterpreted.
 
Yeah, a gift would probably send the wrong idea, especially something like that. A card would be fine. But it would seem like you wanted to get back together. But if you are still casually speaking to each other, on occasion, then a card would be nice.
 
Pagey said:
^I think a card could be a nice gesture, but be careful not to put anything too romantic-sounding in it :)
Click to expand...

Just like our recent communication, if I were to send a card it wouldn't have any romance or nostalgic talk. OK that's a lie. I do remember saying that I miss the good old days not too long ago.

So it seems like I have been lying to myself regarding how I feel. The past 24 hours I have been thinking about this too much. It probably is best if I don't send anything at all, possibly even cut off our conversation. Getting it out in the open has helped me come to this realization, so thanks for the help BL.
 
If she's smart, she won't tell the BF about the gift or the card. No harm, no foul. There are some things that don't have to be announced, because nothing happened and it just saves you the headache of explaining.
 
^ I agree.

But you're going to do what you want to do anyway....
So in that case... I wouldn't sign the card all mysterious or leave it in the open for questioning... That makes it creepy and just plain weird. Like you are trying to hide behind the fact that you really shouldn't be sending her something anyway.
If anything: Happy Birthday. -signed your name.
Period.
 
I wouldn't send anything. On my X's birthday I have always felt the urge to just send a text. Everytime it passes, I am glad I kept quiet though.
 
Depending on how it ended I'll either send a text or nothing at all. If she has a birthday party and invites me to it, I bring her a present.
 
Sticky Green said:
So it seems like I have been lying to myself regarding how I feel. The past 24 hours I have been thinking about this too much. It probably is best if I don't send anything at all, possibly even cut off our conversation. Getting it out in the open has helped me come to this realization, so thanks for the help BL.
Click to expand...
Good idea. It's hard to move on when you're still talking to the ex. :/
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top