Jonathan13
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2011
- Messages
- 17
Alright guys, I will try to keep my whining to a minimum in this post. 8)
I have came to a realization over the last 24 hours about myself, and I wanted to post for several reasons. This includes getting feedback on my situation, sharing my experience with other individuals who may be going through the same or similar issues, and finally to vent (which as I said, I will try to keep this portion to a minimum).
At the end of last year I found out about a wonderful job opportunity that would become available to me exclusively. Unfortunately I knew
this job would be drug screening prior to my hiring. This was an issue for me because at the time I had been heavily abusing opiates for about 18 to 24 months. It started with Lortab which was prescribed for a chronic osteo-arthritus issue. In what seemed like no time at all I was taking 8-10 Lortab 10/325 per day (usually in one dose). I knew that my body could not sustain this for long so I moved on like an idiot to the next drug. This was 30mg oxy IR. After about 6 months of these, I found myself doing 5-10 of them in a single day. Sometimes I would do as many as 3 at once. This seemed ridiculous to me, but the worst was yet to come.
About a year ago from now I was introduced to Opana ER. They were available in 20, 30, and 40mg to me. I began those and I honestly felt like life had changed for me. At first I did see it as an abuse and a dangerous one at that, but after months of using them in all doses I began to back it down because I didn't enjoy the person I was (nodding all day and running out and being very rude with people for no reason). After i noticed this negative side I began to limit myself to a smaller dose that caused nothing but mild euphoria and for me to act as a normal outgoing life-loving individual for my age.
It is now a few days before my drug screening for my new job. Knowing this was coming I stopped Opana about 3 weeks ago. I waited until the W/D were severe and took an 8mg dose of Suboxone. After taking it, I was able to manage my symptoms over the next 11 days and SUCCESSFULLY made it out the other side!!
I was so proud of myself that after this long battle I had finally done it, but I found myself being an angry, snappy person who looked forward to nothing in life. I spent about 36 hours being angry and then I began to think about my entire life as a whole. I realized that this angry individual was in fact WHO I ACTUALLY WAS. I came to this realization because I had been this same angry, life-hating kid in elementary school. I always got in trouble for my anger. When I hit jr. high school, I began self-medicating with alcohol and my anger went away. In high school I began self-medicating with marijuana. Finally after high school, I began self-medicating with Opiates.
I realized that I had not been sober since elementary school when I had the anger issues besides one other time in my life. About 3 years ago I stopped everything for a year and began to find myself being angry towards individuals for no reason. I went to the psychiatrist where she evaluated me and diagnosed me with three disorders: Bipolar disorder, a non-specific mood disorder, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. She put me on several medications and sent me on my way. For the next week, I spent my days in a zombified haze. I was sleeping 12-14 hours a night, and did absolutely nothing. At this point my anger was under control but I was not living life whatsoever. I subsequently stopped the medications she had prescribed and began doing Opiates again.
This brings me to the end of my story and somewhat of a crossroads in my life. Last night, I got fed up with being that rude individual I have always been when I am sober so I got some Opana. I did 10mg, and then 30 minutes later another 10mg. I was so happy and euphoric and back to being what I considered a normal outgoing person instead of the angry person that I feel like I genetically am.
Today so far I feel normal (probably because I still have some Opana swimming around in my brain). I know that a mild withdrawal is on its way if I don't do anymore Opana, but I also know that if I do no more then an angry life-hating person will be leering his ugly head in a week or so. I want to stop so that I don't have to worry about my drug screening for the job, but I just want to be a normal person as well- not the angry person I know I truly am.
I feel like I should be so excited about my life because to anyone else it would be GREAT, and they would be overjoyed with all the wonderful opportunities they have right in front of them.
Feel free to comment, criticize, and dissect my situation. Thanks in advance for anyone's advice.
P.S.- My laptop has been acting a bit funny when formatting this post so if any words are cut off or a sentence begins on the next line for no reason I apologize for that!
I have came to a realization over the last 24 hours about myself, and I wanted to post for several reasons. This includes getting feedback on my situation, sharing my experience with other individuals who may be going through the same or similar issues, and finally to vent (which as I said, I will try to keep this portion to a minimum).
At the end of last year I found out about a wonderful job opportunity that would become available to me exclusively. Unfortunately I knew
this job would be drug screening prior to my hiring. This was an issue for me because at the time I had been heavily abusing opiates for about 18 to 24 months. It started with Lortab which was prescribed for a chronic osteo-arthritus issue. In what seemed like no time at all I was taking 8-10 Lortab 10/325 per day (usually in one dose). I knew that my body could not sustain this for long so I moved on like an idiot to the next drug. This was 30mg oxy IR. After about 6 months of these, I found myself doing 5-10 of them in a single day. Sometimes I would do as many as 3 at once. This seemed ridiculous to me, but the worst was yet to come.
About a year ago from now I was introduced to Opana ER. They were available in 20, 30, and 40mg to me. I began those and I honestly felt like life had changed for me. At first I did see it as an abuse and a dangerous one at that, but after months of using them in all doses I began to back it down because I didn't enjoy the person I was (nodding all day and running out and being very rude with people for no reason). After i noticed this negative side I began to limit myself to a smaller dose that caused nothing but mild euphoria and for me to act as a normal outgoing life-loving individual for my age.
It is now a few days before my drug screening for my new job. Knowing this was coming I stopped Opana about 3 weeks ago. I waited until the W/D were severe and took an 8mg dose of Suboxone. After taking it, I was able to manage my symptoms over the next 11 days and SUCCESSFULLY made it out the other side!!
I was so proud of myself that after this long battle I had finally done it, but I found myself being an angry, snappy person who looked forward to nothing in life. I spent about 36 hours being angry and then I began to think about my entire life as a whole. I realized that this angry individual was in fact WHO I ACTUALLY WAS. I came to this realization because I had been this same angry, life-hating kid in elementary school. I always got in trouble for my anger. When I hit jr. high school, I began self-medicating with alcohol and my anger went away. In high school I began self-medicating with marijuana. Finally after high school, I began self-medicating with Opiates.
I realized that I had not been sober since elementary school when I had the anger issues besides one other time in my life. About 3 years ago I stopped everything for a year and began to find myself being angry towards individuals for no reason. I went to the psychiatrist where she evaluated me and diagnosed me with three disorders: Bipolar disorder, a non-specific mood disorder, and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. She put me on several medications and sent me on my way. For the next week, I spent my days in a zombified haze. I was sleeping 12-14 hours a night, and did absolutely nothing. At this point my anger was under control but I was not living life whatsoever. I subsequently stopped the medications she had prescribed and began doing Opiates again.
This brings me to the end of my story and somewhat of a crossroads in my life. Last night, I got fed up with being that rude individual I have always been when I am sober so I got some Opana. I did 10mg, and then 30 minutes later another 10mg. I was so happy and euphoric and back to being what I considered a normal outgoing person instead of the angry person that I feel like I genetically am.
Today so far I feel normal (probably because I still have some Opana swimming around in my brain). I know that a mild withdrawal is on its way if I don't do anymore Opana, but I also know that if I do no more then an angry life-hating person will be leering his ugly head in a week or so. I want to stop so that I don't have to worry about my drug screening for the job, but I just want to be a normal person as well- not the angry person I know I truly am.
I feel like I should be so excited about my life because to anyone else it would be GREAT, and they would be overjoyed with all the wonderful opportunities they have right in front of them.
Feel free to comment, criticize, and dissect my situation. Thanks in advance for anyone's advice.
P.S.- My laptop has been acting a bit funny when formatting this post so if any words are cut off or a sentence begins on the next line for no reason I apologize for that!
) you'll find that your anger is gonna lessen. It takes footwork though - but the evidence absolutely exists that you'll discover a polished version of your old self after several weeks of working at it!
