I didn't use in an abusive manner till after I lost in family court. I just went on a crazy self destructive downward spiral. That sucked the life out of me. Being in a bad relationship that ended in losing in family court hurt me in a way that I thought would never get better. Being a father was the best thing I ever was. I grew up with an abusive father that was a coke head. I made a point to not be like him, and then to be accused just took the wind out of my sails. I felt useless as a man, a provider, or even family member. I was adrift by myself in an ocean of depression and after losing all my rights as a father (even to talk to my son) I saw no hope in sight.
Now I accept my situation. I'm at a point that I believe maybe things can change. Its been a long time since I've been around my ex, she can no longer lie about me. I've jumped through every hoop the courts have put in front of me. I've paid all my arrears in child support so that is current. Lastly, I have proven I'm not an abusive person. I have my family on my side. (My ex had been manipulating them and the last two that didn't believe me were my dad and step mom. My ex's boyfriend left her and told my parents about the lies she told to get money out of them.) They have the means to help me get a lawyer to go back to court and get partial custody. I can now also prove she lied in court which will discredit anything she has to say this time. Keep your fingers crossed that I can do this. I'm the strongest I've ever been and I am ready to stand up and finally be heard. My son needs me to teach him how to lead an honest , hardworking life, and be the strong male role model I did nit have.
When it comes to women, I went on a date the other night. I'm still incredibly skeptical about intamacy and trusting someone with my heart. I am perfectly okay with being alone as long as I have a hand in raising my son. I do not yearn for the compassionate touch of another, nor do I need a partner to be bymy side. I do miss cooking for someone I love, and being a good provider. Maybe someday.: )
MBC ![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
. Why dont you take the chance and open yourself up to these women.. A woman that you want to spend your life with will show true character and any shallow women will get rid of themselves.. everybody in the world does not have to like you.. the opinion and actions of a woman will never define who you are. Why are you having so much trouble with self acceptance and self confidence? If you never can find a way to believe in your self and to realize the strength you have how will you ever be able to take the risks that will be needed to create a much more rewarding life? How will you create the professional life you want unless you find the confidence and balls to try and start your own restaurant or push into another career. How will you find love if you push women away, possibly out of fear of rejection, before you even let them in even a little bit. If you go through life constantly creating the very outcomes you are afraid of you will regret it latter.. People fall down MBC, everyone falls down, but not throwing back in with life cause we are a little shell shocked can leave us with a very unfulfilling life. 
