self harm concern :s

[PleasureSeeker]

I've self harmed since I was 15 on and off...almost always cutting, once a cigarette burn, some biting and a stab wound to my wrist that has left 2 of my fingers with permanent nerve damage but I did something new the other day.
I got extremely drunk and out of it on coke (that's not to say I'm always like that when I SH, I'm usually sober), had an argument and because there were no blades I found a STERILE, PACKAGED disposable needle thing for IVs and stabbed myself with that instead.
I think its prob between 1/2 and 3/4 inch from the center of my wrist, where u can see the veins.
Cant remember how far it went in and I only had a small bruise around it the next day however I noticed yesterday that I have bruising from the "injection" site, across to the middle of my wrist and running down along my veins for about 1 inch/1 1/2 inches.
I did it 4 days ago, the bruising was yellowish yesterday and is darker today.

I understand that u can catch a capillary or something which will cause it to bleed for sometime after the injection which in turn causes bruising but just making sure I dont need to worry...
Is the bruising something to worry about?.

 

[Asclepius]

Hey PS!
I used a needle on myself too in my early 20's and also on my wrist- This is the first time I have heard anyone else mention the same thing.
I experienced prolonged bruising, swelling and pain from it.
Am assuming none of the needle got stuck inside or anything like that?... and since it was a clean needle-it should be nothing to worry too much about. However I cant actually say because you could have hit it really hard and done some damage?

It might be worth getting it looked at, just to be cautious... you could say it happened in a fight to your Doc/hospital, although they may 'know' but its not worth putting pride over any long term damage...I know that in my local A+E they knew me on a first name basis when I came in the door. :/

I know personally, that I became more and more desperate and violent about the ways I would self-harm too. I have managed to stop but it took a long time to taper off of it and other addictions to replace it. I still get urges but I havn't self harmed this way in years, and I feel really empowered by this which I would never have imagined I could have; as I used to feel empowered by Self harming, in a weird and complex way. Are you receiving any support regarding it PS, or are you on your own with it still?

Have you checked out the Self Harm Support Thread?
Having already experienced nerve damage because of SH, this is really serious. I would hate to see you do any more long term damage to yourself hun, you dont deserve that in the least. It can be a wonderful release at times, it can make you feel alive when you feel your already dead and I get that... but when it starts to get serious you need to start looking at yourself and what is really going on for you. You're important enough, to take yourself seriously.

 

[PleasureSeeker]

hi,
Thanks for ur reply.
I think its prob ok, it didn't get stuck or anything...may need to go to doc anyway though as have had symptoms of acute gastritis since that night, if I do go I'll get it looked at.
My self harming had taled off the last year or two but the desire came back about 6 months ago.
I now have 3 large slash scars on my upper arm, two sunken ones and massive, 2 inch, raised, dark red one which is really visable which I did a few months ago :-( I find I do it when I have an argument and feel just want to apologise and feel really down on myself...I think I do it as like a sacrifice for the person who I've argued with to prove I'm sorry or something...although their may be to it than that...anger or familiarity...not sure.
I know its something I need to address....I'm also on fluoxetine and I think I'm supposed to mention stuff like this to my gp...I will look at the SH thread.....x.

 

[Asclepius]

Glad your taking a trip to the Doc anyway PS. Guilt, Shame, Anger and alot of other pent up and 'difficult' emotions ie ones we have issues understanding and expressing healthily, can be factors.
Do, check out the SHP Thread, alot of valuable stuff in there and it can be an isolating thing to have to deal with.

Heres a link concerning Self Injury, I have posted it before in the SHP Thread but will here again, as it may help you get some insight into what is going on for you.

 

[TheLostBoys]

I had an x-gf that would cut herself, bang her head up against the wall hard & of course she would never do it when I was around. I could never understand why she would do it because she was so beautiful. She was the best looking girl I ever dated but looks has nothing to do with it. She didnt like her home life growing up & there were things she wouldnt tell me of what happened when she was young until we were together for a while.

Anyway, im assuming she blamed herself for things that happened in her life & would hurt herself. Even if we would argue, she would cut herself. I guess sometimes cutting & hurting yourself can be as addictive as drugs.

I recommend you get some psychiatric help because hurting yourself like this isnt the answer.

 

[anterrabae]

Self harm is quite a beast. I started when I was thirteen, it soon grew into a severe addiction in which I'd need to cut myself every day multiple times a day. I would try any means available to me...mostly my pocket knife, after my parents confiscated it I moved on to razor blades.

I don't make a habit of it anymore, I'm now 26, but time to time, usually after getting too drunk and encountering stressful instances, I will look for ways to do it.

I have never stabbed myself that badly, but I once had a nurse in the ER when I was psychotic stab me with a needle (looking to draw blood) and then fish around for the vein, breaking a great many of capillaries in the process. It was quite painful and remained very tender for a long time, but other than that and all sorts of discoloration, I was fine. Lasted about three or four weeks time.