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Self-Destruction

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25I_am_so_wonderfu

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Oct 3, 2012
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Forever sewing seeds of discontent
I often hear people say if they were to die, they'd like to go like Kurt Cobain or Ian Curtis (some sort of glamorization of their suicide). Drug users often have self-destructive tendencies. What is it about self-destruction that is so attractive? Is that what draws people to drugs? The self-destructive qualities?
 
I cannot speak for everyone, only for my own experiences. But when I had really self destructive habits, I think I glorified ods and suicides as defiant acts. Almost like it is a rejection of society and it's values. This was my way of mentally coping with, and partially denying the damage I was doing to myself.
 
I definitely feel you there. In my very younger days, I remember trying to OD and die just as a big "fuck you" to my parents and society in general. It was like I had no idea what was going on in my life, no idea what my purpose was, why I was even alive and had no inkling that things might actually be better someday. I still don't think I have fully come to terms with the fact that these pointless endeavors were, most importantly, only detrimental to myself and myself alone.
 
i grew up with self-destructive musical 'idols' but it wasn't what i based any of my personal circumstances on. those people made good art that i liked. it was happenstance. maybe some of what i had read or heard eventually made me more comfortable or rather understanding of certain choices, but i was simply identifying with something that came from a source of passion because of my personal experiences which happen to also have led me to my own self-destructive tendencies. which were something completely separate from any celebrity i was a fan of, or a part of my pop culture interests. i don't think self-destructive images are attractive in such a way that they encourage the behavior itself. chicken and the egg. what is unfortunate is the exploitation or glorification of those idols's pain and ruin for profit. it cannot however be blamed for choices others make for themselves. art imitates life imitates art. an angry or sad kid will be drawn to different pop culture interests the same as a dumb kid would be drawn towards something different than a smart kid or any kind of difference that was there to begin with.
 
My take on it? Drugs for most people I know, at the very least myself, represent at least some form of escape from our sober existences. Different drugs are obviously more prone to use for escapism than others. And escapism and just having a good time can be a hard line to draw. But taken from an escapist viewpoint, the appeal of suicide or destructive influences seems obvious. Death is one thing we know for sure will forever end our existences as we know them. If the goal is to run away, dying is finally crossing the finish line.

I'm probably oversimplifying.
 
I can't speak for anyone else than myself, but a big part of my drug use has revolved around making things worse than they are, as so to create a desire for the drug I would consume. Just like getting unconciously stressed up before a smoke break, I would make comedowns and sober times worse than they really were just so the kick from using would be greater. Realizing this has made the desire for drugs lesser than they were, if one can manage to make their sobriety and withdrawals feel good, it is possible to actually forget about using.

I believe in moving away from ones past life and surroundings, and to quit everything including cigarettes and even coffee, as this affects the nervous system and mood. Practice being good to oneself, it will be hard at first but soon the body and soul will get used to responding to healthy pleasure and good feelings.

I would beat myself, reject good things and repress tears just to "harden up", to soothe the pain and depression by (how do you say) getting used to it.

Best wishes to everyone seeking a drug free life. It will be good again. I promise.

-from Norway
 
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