Self cutting at a later age

[cripkeeper]

Ok so ashamed as I can be I have no choice but to reach out BL. I am 33, reasonably healthy, have experience with multiple drugs but mainly weed, alcohol, misc. Psychedelics, and amphetamines.

Anyway it has only started recently. I accidentally dropped a glass container and decided to use a shard to make some cuts in my forearms. I guess it made me feel ballsy the first time.

Being quick to learn, I realized the only attention this will get me is unwanted. However, twice since I have repeated this behavior.

When really really down for whatever reason its almost like I'm doing this at whomever hurt me (although it obviously makes no sense whatsoever.)

I'm aware many have done such things for similar reasons. I don't understand this pattern. I ask for anyone who can understand or relate or overcome such a thing for answers if possible?

Any and all advice welcome. Thanx.

 

[ihearthemoose]

It can be overcome. Try to replace it with somethinf, reading , calling someone, shit post on bl! I used to delve into that shit but haven't for years now

 

[Captain.Heroin]

What is missing in your life?

Do you have a family/partner? A job/school?

Are you suffering from depression/anxiety?

 

[PeaceOfPast]

I used to know a lot of girls who cut as teenagers. one cut a huge hole with a chunk out in her arm.

I think it has to do with controlling pain.

 

[herbavore]

The theory that has always made the most sense to me is that it is about having control. It is often compared to anorexia or bulimia for that reason. None of these make rational sense--why would anyone hurt themselves or starve themselves? I don't think it is any wonder that many people develop a problem of self harm or an eating disorder in adolescence when everything can feel completely out of control--these behaviors offer moments of complete control. So, if this is happening to you now and you are mystified by it you might ask yourself what in your life feels out of control?

I used to self harm when I was really young. I didn't understand it at the time and I still don't now but this theory has always made the most sense to me because it did jive with my experience at the time. I have a niece that is living with anorexia who nearly died from it last year. In all the reading I am doing about that it seems that it can also be connected to feeling controlled by others or outside forces.

I think that it might be a good thing to explore deeper in some sort of therapeutic setting. Something wants to be heard.

 

[cj]

I started at 25 so your not alone

 

[JessFR]

I can't give you answers, I used to be a cutter when I was younger. I know what it's like, it's a little like a drug. I dunno why it makes you feel better, it just does. And because of that, it can be addictive. But despite not having cut in a very long time, I don't have any story or answers on how to overcome it or get better. The end of cutting for me corresponds with the beginning of abusing alcohol nicotine and less legal drugs. Have you recently stopped using some other drug or coping mechanism?

My experience is the beginning of a new destructive coping mechanism usually shows up as soon as you try to stop a previous one.

 

[miscbrahh]

ugh i'm in my early 20s and i do / did this too... always under the influence of benzos and alcohol. I've stopped the benzos now.

I really wish I didn't mark up my lower arm though, it's pretty visible. Nobody's said anything about it, but I can see it in their eyes / how they react. I wear long sleeve shirts a lot now / don't like to roll up my sleeves.

At least most of them are on my upper thighs

 

[sirfoxey]

I cut as a teenager and then recently again when I was having some mental health issues which I spent 6 months in hospital for at the age of 36. I did it because I was so confused and in pain internally it was a way of escaping the pain. Really hard to explain for people who have never self harmed the release it offers.
So you are not alone there. I would highly suggest you seek out some professional help though. Talking it through with a professional who has experience with self harm that you can open up to and allow them to assist you to find other avenues and options other than harming yourself.