Self Control Help?

[khaoskillem]

I don't want to waste anyones time reading, so I'll try to keep this as short and and as sweet as I can.


So I'll admit Im a struggling addict to painkillers (percocets 7.5 and loratab 5) because thats what me and my buddy who sells me his script are prescribed.


Usually Id take 50-75mg (by CWE) a day. This way my 180 pills last me roughly 2-3 weeks. Well lately Ive had a lot of stress factors jumping at me.




Note: this is my fourth relapse at my worst i was near 300mg of oxy a day


lately ive been finishing these 180 pills in a week which is 150-300mg a day. I start with the usual 7-10 i would take but my mind screams for more (even though I got what I wanted which is to not have any emotion). So i take and take and take until Im out.


The only thing saving me from major WD is my script of tramadol which I take 300-400mg of a day to cope days until my refills.


My question is how do I control the screams of the demons? I consume what i wanted but they scream for more until i take damn near 30 pills a day.


HELP?

 

[khaoskillem]

I just want to quit but Im going in reverse. I don't want to overdose or do dumb shit to get more

 

[heyian2222]

In my experience the only way to stop that voice in your head is to work some kind of program. Whether it be AA/NA or another spiritual and social based program. And unfortunately for me the only time I could get past the withdrawals in order to get my head clear enough to do something like that was when I went to jail or rehab. So my advice to you would be find yourself a decent treatment center. And if money is an issue or if you work then go to NA explain your situation and I'm sure somebody there will be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck I've been battling the demons in my head for 7 years now. I hear them on a daily basis even when I am clean. But when I am clean they are just quiet enough that I can deal with them. So get off this shit man its no good for you.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

I'm gonna move this to The Dark Side, because they are more geared towards the support based threads, and have a lot of people there that can help you and give encouragement.

But, as to your question... it's not easy, man. That's why addiction is such a bitch and why people struggle so much with it. You have to first of all, get physically straight first if you want to have a chance. You have to give your brain chemistry time to go back to normal, as that's a large part of where the cravings come from, etc.

Then you just have to have a support network, focus your time on positive things like good hobbies, a good job, good relationships, etc. You have to learn what your triggers are, and come up with ways to fight them.

 

[Maya]

^Yes addiction is tough, specially if you don't have the support network.

What I can suggest though based from experience is to get your attention into doing other things, like workout, get a hobby like drawing, writing or even something simple like watching tv series or movies. The important thing is to get your mind off of it and that also includes getting rid of your contacts from attaining drugs etc.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

I don't know if you've ever been to rehab or aa/na meetings OP, but if you have, then you know the one big thing they always repeat is people, places, and things. I'm not personally really into the aa thing, but this is one thing that happens to be true. You can't expect to stay clean if you are in the exact same environment, doing the same shit with the same people. You have to replace the negative crap surrounding your use with good positive things.

Most importantly, stay busy. Boredom is the enemy of sobriety. You spend time alone, just you and your bad thoughts, cravings churning around in your head, etc.. you're gonna relapse. So keep busy. That's really important in the beginning especially.

 

[sadkid]

Drown out your monsters, I walk down the hill with headphones blasting so loud that people a block away can hear my music, but I don't care, I haven't burst my eardrums yet, have I? and best yet I hear nothing else in my head, especially not the screams yelling "TAKE THE PILLS, NOW!" but my method might make you a little paranoid so if anyone has any more better suggestions please say, I might use them for myself to.

 

[Oxy_Ghost]

I don't know if you've ever been to rehab or aa/na meetings OP, but if you have, then you know the one big thing they always repeat is people, places, and things. I'm not personally really into the aa thing, but this is one thing that happens to be true. You can't expect to stay clean if you are in the exact same environment, doing the same shit with the same people. You have to replace the negative crap surrounding your use with good positive things.

Most importantly, stay busy. Boredom is the enemy of sobriety. You spend time alone, just you and your bad thoughts, cravings churning around in your head, etc.. you're gonna relapse. So keep busy. That's really important in the beginning especially.

Listen to this^

This is also my problem. I'm in the same environment I was in when I was using. The only thing that's kept me from using again was I have no money. But now even though I'm in the same environment and a job now, I'm not gonna go back to using. I can't, it's not an option. I didn't hang around anyone when I used. I stay to myself. I don't have any friends. But being in the same place with the same ppl and doing the same thing will bring you back down. I'm trying to leave my area, I need to leave and I want to leave. You otta have the right mindset too, gotta be able to say no and drown out the thoughts

 

[RedLeader]

I personally don't think that describing oneself as an "addict" does any good. For many people, such an identification is license to justify a relapse. Anyone who takes enough opiates is going to crave them with severity. They are freakin' addictive.

The first few weeks away from them is not pleasant for anyone. The reality is that most of the "I'm going to quit! I am so excited for my future as a non-user!" type strategies are doomed from the start. They don't last because positive self-talk typically isn't nearly enough. The demons can always talk over you. Most people who get 30, 60, 90- days do it under extremely unfortunate circumstances - jail, rehab, relocation, etc. Or they get on replacement (which I would not suggest in your case). The point is, though, that there's no way around the hell that is those first few weeks. And this is why relapse rates are so high...nobody wants to live in such a hell without comfort! I've quit for 30+ days probably a dozen times in my life under a half-dozen different circumstances. They all SUCKED.

And a lot of the strategies you get in recovery communities don't work for me. They don't work because they just keep my mind thinking about drugs. Meetings make me think about drugs. Making lists about terrible things drugs were doing to my life, what good things come without drugs, etc...It still all revolves around drug themes. I always pull from more life-affirming things like art, literature, nature, music, philosophy, and so on when I want to keep my mind off of drugs.

But you just need to stay busy. The only way to calm the mental insanity is to stay busy doing things that keep your attention focused in the present. Are you working? Do you have hobbies? You just have to stay engaged in the present and let your body detox and your mind heal. It gets much easier around the 3 week mark.

 

[Allein]

I've little experience of opiates, save the pain killers I've been on the last couple of years. But I've moved from one substance issue to the next and back again for many years.

Like you I'm fed up with the cycle, the feelings of failure and the many false dawns of clean living have only served to grind me down further and reduce the little faith I've had in being able to overcome these unwanted and self destructive behaviours.

As many a wise person has said, if your approach isnt working then try something else, I've recently sought professional help from a substance abuse centre, it's early days but it's worth a shot. Just the opportunity to get a more objective view and make sensible plans to not only cease using but to make plans on how to restructure your life without the drug habit may prove much more valuable than you may think, I'm hoping so.

I don't like the word 'addict' either, it can be both an insult, a label and an excuse...