Seeking support

[fabriclondon]

Hi,

I'm mostly a lurker here but I just had to write this morning. I am struggling with heroin addiction. I am genuinely dealing with so many "real" life issues, and I know that dope is the absolute last thing I should be doing, but I just keep picking up every day, even though I have some subs here and I have been planning to detox for over a week now. I feel like such a scumbag. I am seeing this beautiful, wonderful woman who really likes me and I am hiding this from her. She know about my past but she thinks I'm on subs now. God, I HATE lying to her! I woke up today and I was at the 13 hour mark without dope and I was planning on quitting today and then I get a call and I just could not say no. Fuck. I feel like I'm rambling here but I just need some words of encouragement. I cannot continue down this road.

 

[theseeker]

I'm not sure I have words of encouragement, but I do have words of compassion. I feel you. I can only (thankfully) get ultram now- but if someone were to call me and say- hey man I got all these roxi's...I'd probably find it impossible to turn down. Just because you take heroin, that doesn't make you a bad person. Even the lying doesn't make you a bad person in my eyes. You're in a terrible quandary- I know you'd like to stop, you never meant it to get this way. Just stopping will make you sick and depressed. Just normal daily functioning will be difficult. Most people, were they in your position, would do very much the same. So don't get too down on yourself (it won't do you any good anyway).

Yet, you have to take some responsibility for your life and for the position you now find yourself in. How much are you really enjoying heroin now? Probably not nearly as much as you used to. Maybe you just stay well when you take it? If this is the case, I'd give that suboxone a chance. Maybe I'd even see a sub doc. It's possible that you realize that you're just grinding your gears at this point?

 

[ad lib]

like theseeker said, you are not a bad person. how serious are things with this woman? how did she find out about your use? i usually tend to keep that to myself just because people are so quick to pass judgement on users/ex-users.

if you truly want to detox and then start on the road to recovery there are some (difficult) steps that you may need to take, and i highly suggest you do. when you get that call, no doubt you're going to answer, and of course, the dealer has just gotten some fire dope. maybe he even has a free sample for you. i know if i was offered my doc i'd find it very difficult to turn it down even though i'm almost 4 months clean. change your number. delete your dealers phone number. cut off all contact with your dealer. then, start on the subs and stick to them. you can do this. your willpower is there, i can sense it. it's just that initial first step that's the hardest. in my opinion, it would be best by cutting off contact in every way, shape, and form possible with any and all connects. even if it means changing your phone number.

you've got this.

 

[missy812]

how are you doing now? are you going to start?
i am starting subs tomorrow.. lets do it together! I took my last Oxycodone (i'm on a very high dose) at 11pm PDT so I plan on doing subs around 11am, depending on how far in WD I am. I'm so scared I'll take it too soon, so I am going off of the COWS worksheet.
You want to do it with me!?! Feel free to PM me.