Seeking Advice

[Advice Seeker]

Hi everyone, I'm just looking for some overall advice on my situation. I used to participate in SLR quite often. Even in real life, from a third-person perspective, it is so easy to say how people should approach a situation they are confused about, but maybe not so much when it is myself! I think getting it all down in words will help me in itself, but I would love your guys' thoughtful input... I'll try to limit it to the necessary facts.

I've been in a relationship for almost three and a half years now. My first love, and also my first sexual experience. Needless to say, I was deeply connected to this girl in many ways. She initiated a lot of change in my life for the better: I've stopped engaging in shady business ventures, use drugs less, and have went back to college where I am doing quite well in contrast to the average student. She is truly something special, and has a positive impact on nearly anyone she encounters. But no on is perfect, as I learned. Most importantly, she was the type I knew to be trusted to be honest with me if she ever did me wrong.

We've talked deeply before about me having sex with another girl. Both because of what she has done, and because she is the only girl i've ever been with.
*snip endless paragraphs of story-time* lol

so we're visiting home for summer-break from college. (Both from the same area, and went away to the same school). we're both working at a temp job at a large-scale event. Different departments of course. At this place, I've met another girl who I find very interesting, and she digs me too. we have very similar taste for food, and said we will get food on a day off.

this is where I don't know what to do... should I tell my girlfriend about this or just do it? I would like to just frame it as going out to eat with a friend from work(which I would do even if i were single), but I would be lying to myself as me and this girl both are attracted to each other. honestly, I've been finding myself more and more curious about other girls. not just sexually, but I want to experience and get to know more girls on a emotional/social level. my girlfriend says this is fine, but becomes extremely jealous and possessive around other girls.

so yea, what are your guys' thoughts?
Please spare judgement of my girlfriend from this post alone. This post doesn't have enough information to describe her, and i realize from it alone she doesn't sound very nice. i'm merely looking for advice on how to go about this. it seems kind of obvious to me now, but i just need some help! i'd be happy to share any other information you guys would like!

 

[morpher001]

Break up with your girlfriend whom you are evidently sick of, then go for it. The grass may or may not be greener on the other side.

 

[Maya]

Reading through your post OP it seems as if you want to explore and meet other women. My first question is, how much do you love your girlfriend? Do you see yourself in a longer term type of relationship with her or not? If you are saying that you have discussed this with your girlfriend about meeting other women then do you have an open-type of relationship with her? I would like to help you out and give you more advice but I need to know the answers to my questions.

 

[Animal Mother]

I think that he justs wants more sexual experiences. I actually completely support this. Unless gf isn't down with it....does she fully support you in this?

You definitely need to share this with her. Let her know ahead of time and after. That way she will feel more in control of the situation. Like it was condoned by her and she can hold onto that in the torrent of emotions og betrayal and what not that she's not sharing with you.

 

[Advice Seeker]

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/683418-Seeking-Advice

Reading through your post OP it seems as if you want to explore and meet other women. My first question is, how much do you love your girlfriend? Do you see yourself in a longer term type of relationship with her or not? If you are saying that you have discussed this with your girlfriend about meeting other women then do you have an open-type of relationship with her? I would like to help you out and give you more advice but I need to know the answers to my questions.

I love her very much. More than I've loved any other human being. But I feel that may be waning. She is more than a girlfriend to me, she is family. I've opened her eyes to a lot of things as well, and we've grown a lot together. Yes, I can definitely see myself with her longer, but maybe that is only because I do not know anything else. More and more lately our moods are erratic and we get on each others nerves. I sometimes don't care to be patient with her moods....To be honest I am becoming exhausted. We never said we were in an "open" relationship, just that she would accept me sleeping with another girl once. She said she couldn't deal with me being in love with her and another girl, however. This conversation stemmed from previous occurrences; she had cheat on me in the past. Twice. I accepted that she was younger and less emotionally intelligent at the time... But now it seems as time has gone, and she has decided to be devoted to me, that I am losing interest. It makes me sad to see the hurt in her face from my actions.

I think that he justs wants more sexual experiences. I actually completely support this. Unless gf isn't down with it....does she fully support you in this?

You definitely need to share this with her. Let her know ahead of time and after. That way she will feel more in control of the situation. Like it was condoned by her and she can hold onto that in the torrent of emotions og betrayal and what not that she's not sharing with you.

I would like to think of it has just sexual, but I can feel it is not. I notice when I hang out with other girls at school/wherever, I get a little extra pep in my step....It makes me feel good. She says she down with me just having sex with another girl. But I know what she says and how she feels are two separate things... Hah, in that conversation she also told me not to tell her, to "just do it." Ironic because she is always asking what other girls i think are cute, etc... I guess i am ultimately afraid of losing someone that means so much to me, yet at the same time i feel the desire to move on, perhaps we are just holding each other back in life at this point.

I appreciate the responses you guys!

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

So you're in a LTR and are trying to justify cheating by pinning it on your girlfriend? No girl wants their bf to cheat on them--she's just trying to be nice, "open", and even guilty--but no girl wants that.

 

[79skmp]

Break up with your girlfriend whom you are evidently sick of, then go for it. The grass may or may not be greener on the other side.

WINNING! Nicely done.

Seriously dude, break up with her. You have to. She's obviously not OK with this if she's getting jealous. It's hurting her. It would probably hurt her even more if she knew how much you were attracted to other girls (not just physically, but emotionally and mentally). Not cool. You're going to devastate her. Again, I know she says it's OK, but it clearly isn't. Do the honorable thing and let her go.

On the flip-side, would you be cool with her doing this behavior? If so, then you guys have a casual/open relationship. Which, don't get me wrong, are completely F-ing cool in their own right....but casual/open relationships can't have jealousy. Seriously...recipe for TOTAL disaster...and 1st degree murder.

 

[skittlesxo]

i think you should tell her. see how she reacts to it. but remember like one previous poster has said...the grass isn't always greener on the other side, if you love your gf that much you should respect her and be honest.

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

There's no reason to tell her unless you've done something wrong. If you haven't hooked up with anyone else then telling her will do more harm than good.

I don't think anyone should be settling down at a young age, anything before 30ish is too early IMO and you'll likely end up resenting that person later on when you feel like you weren't able to do enough exploring and experience new things.

The most sensible solution would be to seriously think about it, and if you feel the same as when you posted this then you should take a break with your current gf. Get out there, experience other women, and that will help youmdecide whether you truly want to be with your gf of 3 years or if it's time to move on

When she asks why I wouldn't say anything about your coworker. Tell her what I said above: you feel like you basically need to do your own thing and explore new options, and you don't want to end up resenting her in the future bc you feel like she held you back during one of the most crucial points of your life

If you do decide to break it off and start seeing your coworker, dont make it obvious, especially if she works for,the same company. people gossip and the last thing you want is drama in the workplace. Plus that would probably really hurt her and that's not cool