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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

Seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow

D

DroidOpioid

Bluelighter
Joined
May 26, 2010
Messages
85
So I've seen this psych once a couple months ago because I asked my grandparents to bring me.

I've been depressed because of my anxiety and lack of motivation in social situations, mainly at school. That is actually the main thing that got me started using drugs; first alcohol last year, then pain killers (because I came across them), then benzos, then I tried weed a couple times, haven't gotten a steady connect, then tramadol, now it is DXM.

Last year I was prescribed Paxil, and I found my old prescription and started using it again to see if it would 'start working.' Last time I hadn't given it more than 3 days chance.

Well, I realized that I could get far more bang for my buck of DXM (Ok, actually I haven't been buying it, but I did try to pay and they said I wasn't old enough.) by taking Paxil before. Something to do with inhibiting the same liver enzyme that converts DXM to DXO and other metabolites.

The most DXM I've ever taken is 300mg, and that was the first time at a football game. Since then I've never taken more than 150mg, but it is usually either 60mg or 90mg. I pretty much only take it on school days.

The purpose is to relieve anxiety, thereby making me more social, thereby relieving boredom. It also has the added bonus of giving me intense and amazing music euphoria, and stimulates me so I don't fall asleep in class.

My latest regimen (Cough Pills, 30mg Extended Release, Crushed up and parachuted) is either 60mg or 90mg DXM, on a school morning, after having taken either 5mg or 10mg Paxil the day before.

The negative side effects?

I've noticed that while under the influence, I tend to occasionally not notice things I should (For example, my answer sheet for my test was labeled 1-25 with the number 25 written BIG at the top as the title, and I was supposed to fill in the title. I had to ask my teacher where number 25 was since I couldn't find it, and she asked me if I was ok.)

A couple times a day I'll notice I'll spoon my words. E.g. once I tried to exclaim, "David you moron!" but what came out was "Davon you moron!"

Also, like once a day I'll forget the name of something I should remember (this is a lingering effect I think while I'm hardly under the influence anymore). E.g. there are only 4 schools in my area, and I know them well by heart, but for some reason today I was listing them and for the life of me I couldn't remember the last one till I was told by my friend.

Also, I was making a playlist and I couldn't remember the name of one of my top 3 favorite songs!


Obviously, the regimen is unsustainable. I'll either start increasing the dosage at some point in the future (I've never had to yet in the 2 months I've been using off and on), get caught by my draconian grandparents, or stop completely with the DXM at least (I plan on asking my psych for Paxil. )

Well remember how I said that Paxil wasn't working for the first time I tried it? It used to only give me jaw clenching and nausea, but since I've been using it alot to potentiate DXM, it actually started working by itself!!! I used to hate SSRIs because they "wouldn't work" for me, but I never took seriously the idea that they take time to start working.

Wow. SSRIs can work 8)

I've noticed that by itself, Paxil (even without DXM!) can give me increased motivation and confidence, mainly by decreasing my anxiety by like 70%.

I plan on telling my psych all this tomorrow, even though he will be disappointed that I didn't drop all drugs completely because that is what he asked me last time. I had even told him I would. I kept to my promise for about 3 weeks. :p But in my defense, the ONLY advice he had given me was to stop drugs. He didn't mention any coping techniques for anxiety besides STUPID breathing exercises. BUT he seems cool, so I'll give him another chance.

After telling him this, do you think he will prescribe me Paxil, knowing I've abused it for DXM?

BTW I currently have the best grades of my life, so drugs haven't negatively impacted my grades (yet).
 
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This sounds very unstable and went way over my head. If I were you I'd quit the DXM...Ive heard it affects memory and mixing it with Paxil doesn't sound good...and it's really not good to stop and start Paxil frequently (i hated being on that crap)...I'd take the advice of your Psychiatrist, that would be best for you I believe.
 
You seem young. You have a drug problem. Mixing DXM and ssri's is fucking dangerous and stupid. You seem to already be aware of this, despite continuing to abuse it. You are already experiencing severe cognitive impairment, and believe me if you keep this up your grades won't be perfect for long.

Also, psychiatrists aren't there to solve your problems. What you really need is a psychologist/therapist. Psychiatrists are the ones who are in charge of managing your medications. Psychologists are the ones who will talk with you in order to try and get to the root of your problems, and help you deal with them.

You need therapy, in conjunction with proper medication in order to successfully overcome your issues. You don't seem very open to suggestions, anyways. Those STUPID breathing techniques actually work surprisingly well, if you put your mind to it.

It seems like you already have the answer in your head you want, and everything else is stupid.

sorry if you think i am a harsh asshole, but you are a young kid who needs to stop fucking with drugs and stop lying to yourself. Be open to suggestions. Believe it or not some Doctors actually do know what is going on.
 
Umm, you do know SSRI's + DXM = probability of the potentially deadly serotonin syndrome, don't you? If he is a good psychiatrist, and knows his shit, he would not prescribe you an SSRI if he knows you are using DXM, even in lower doses! Psychs love to push SSRI's, and they can help, but I wouldn't be mixing them with DXM. Not really safe. I'd choose one or the other. Obviously don't use DXM everyday if you choose that, it is addictive. On the other hand SSRI's do form dependence to a degree, but are meant to be used daily.
 
BrokedownPalace said:
You seem young. You have a drug problem. Mixing DXM and ssri's is fucking dangerous and stupid. You seem to already be aware of this, despite continuing to abuse it. You are already experiencing severe cognitive impairment, and believe me if you keep this up your grades won't be perfect for long.

Also, psychiatrists aren't there to solve your problems. What you really need is a psychologist/therapist. Psychiatrists are the ones who are in charge of managing your medications. Psychologists are the ones who will talk with you in order to try and get to the root of your problems, and help you deal with them.

You need therapy, in conjunction with proper medication in order to successfully overcome your issues. You don't seem very open to suggestions, anyways. Those STUPID breathing techniques actually work surprisingly well, if you put your mind to it.

It seems like you already have the answer in your head you want, and everything else is stupid.

sorry if you think i am a harsh asshole, but you are a young kid who needs to stop fucking with drugs and stop lying to yourself. Be open to suggestions. Believe it or not some Doctors actually do know what is going on.
Click to expand...

Look, I'm open to hearing suggestions, especially from people who can't actually force me to do anything. But I have to admit you pissed me off.

I know I have a drug problem. Guess what? Right now, it is better than the alternative problem. I've never been so empathic with people until I used DXM. And that is what I want. To enjoy people more.

I'm the kind of person who likes to have things 'proven' to my satisfaction before I believe them. That can be a bad thing, and it can be a good thing.
There aren't many people I trust; I trust (largely) sites like Erowid and the respected people on this site. In real life, I trust a couple of the coolest teachers at my school, and I kind of trust my 2 best friends (who are related to me pretty closely).

Breathing exercises don't work. I don't have much breakthrough anxiety or anything that really affects my breathing. It's more my confidence... idk how to say it but I've tried (and believed in) breathing exercises before. They've never worked.

I've been depressed and socially anxious for like 10 years (I'm not even 20 yet). My best friends never really knew. We are good friends, but until a couple months ago, I was faking EVERYTHING with them: interest, excitement, etc. I didn't realize it, but all I wanted and cared about was attention. My whole life revolved around it.
I gave up trying to get attention, when I found out that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make any other good friends. I became really suicidal at one point 2 years ago, but I couldn't do it. I've gotten over that phase, but occasionally still (like every few days or so) the idea of suicide drifts into my thoughts. It isn't serious, but it is there.

I never knew until recently that the best way to have fun with people is to be yourself, and not try to fit in with them. But another part is interest. I don't usually have that interest or motivation to interact with people unless I'm under the influence of something. I'm not sure which it is that makes me anti-social; it's probably either awkward shyness, or lack of interest/motivation.

That is why I like DXM. Because it temporarily cures both of those issues.

It has obvious detrimental effects. But I can't find any information (online or real life)about anyone who has gone through anything fairly close to what I've went through and came out successfully, so they can have real friends, a real life, and deal with real life problems.

Also, I made the first new best friend I've ever made since years last week. On DXM. And we kind of like each other (she's a girl). I've never had a genuine, 'in-love' feeling towards a girl that was based more on personality than looks.

BTW, thanks also for the info on the difference between psychiatrists and psychologists.

I had to edit this to thank BrokenDownPalace again for his criticism. I needed it, I'm just not sure yet how well I will take it.
 
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Hey man I am sorry if I came off as an asshole; it's just that you sound a lot like me, and I think that if someone gave me a little kik in the ass when I was in my teens, I woulda got my shit together and not ended up where I am now. I just don't want to see your life get ruined by something so preventable.

I know what it is like, man. After I had been through a battle with cancer, my father dying, a horrible IV heroin run, and trying to get back on track, all within 1.5 years, I sometimes just stopped caring. Thinking what is the point of life.. Etc. But luckily getting on methadone and finding a quality therapist and psychiatrist, I was able to recognize the good things in life tha I still had.

It's hard bro.. Very hard I know. It is an everyday battle to get out of bed. Tired of faking being half happy when I'm miserable inside. Sucks.

I hope you get through this rough patch, it seems like you have a lot of potential. Good luck bro.

(This probably will do better over in The Dark Side, btw.)
 
Just tell your psychiatrist everything you told us and realize that the answer you are seeking is not going to be found in a drug, ultimately your psychiatrist will recommend you to a therapist while keeping you on whatever drug regimen he/she feels will be best for you.

Respect your Psychiatrist, they have so much more experience with all of this stuff than you, they deal with it all day everyday and believe me you're not as strange as you may think you are. You sound like every other dissatisfied teenager I've ever met (I was one myself).

I don't know anything about the dangers of mixing paxil and dxm, but if the paxil is working alone could you give up the dxm? I mean if a drug works that's significant, it's not the answer but it's a step, it'll give you time to work through your problems and find your way to the life you want.

Ultimately it's your life and all this psychobabble should really only be a step on the way to you realizing your potential and becoming what you want to be..... you should feel more free and comfortable with yourself and get rid of any fears standing in your way.

Take advantage of this opportunity especially if you're not paying for it, seeing a psych has helped me tons but it took me a long time to open up and let the professional do their job. Good Luck!
 
***RANT against my psychiatrist***

I think I'm going to change my psychiatrist. He doesn't know jack about drugs as far as I'm concerned; he had never heard of DXM until I told him, and he told me one of the dangers of use is going blind.

He also kept asking me if there was a chance of amphetamines being in the DXM, and warned me that it might be laced with something more dangerous. He also told me I will die if I don't stop. He asked me what I thought would happen if I didn't stop using drugs, and I said, "Well that is a really general question, it depends on the drug, but probably something really bad" and he laughed at me (as did the secretary or whatever who was with him).

They were both surprised that I was getting DXM from Wal-Mart.

Also, just like the first visit with him, his ONLY advice was to stop using drugs. No help at all to deal with social situations better. Nothing to increase my confidence or help me be more outgoing.

I think I need a new psychiatrist. If he gave me some tips to apply in everyday life, I would gladly try them sober. But he won't even do that.

And he also was strongly against prescribing me more Paxil, one of the reasons being that I was too young.

I go for stretches of like 5 days being kind of high on DXM, but most of the time I'm completely sober. I don't see why he can't help me without me being 100% sober for 2 months.

***Me being emotional, maybe boring***

What is the most depressing? Now that I've been sober the past 2 days, I haven't talked to the girl I met on DXM (at school). We both pretty much fell in love with each other (ok, we didn't know each other long enough for that but it's the closest I've ever been to real love). I talked to her on the phone for hours this weekend, and she was so cool and she thought the same about me. And now it is over. My life was like a fairytale the past week and a half. I was outgoing, people thought I was funny, and above all, I ENJOYED ALL MY FRIENDS and the new ones I made!
I did whatever I wanted at school. I talked to whoever I wanted and there wasn't any second-guessing, or awkward idiosyncrasies.

But I know I can't live on DXM. On DXM, I was expressing who I really was. (Ok Paxil was part of it.) I have never been so open. Now that I'm sober again, the girl isn't interested like that in me. She told me over and over since this weekend that she was sorry she told me she liked me, because she had never told a guy that first. She said she understood that I wasn't interested in her like that. Then I told her how I was high on DXM, and maybe she liked the person I was on DXM. And she was like wow, that's it.

Now she is back with her ex that she was with for 3 years (on and off). And I'm back to being uninterested and unmotivated. I have good grades, I have the motivation to do well in school. But with people, I feel I would have to fake way too much to meet new people and I'm tired of faking and it isn't fun.

I hope someone understands what I'm going through, because nobody in real life does. Am I addicted to DXM? Not yet. If someone asks me to go sober, I can. I just won't do it for an extended period of time because it isn't worth it and it's no fun and depressing not being able to connect with people.
 
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I don't think occassional DXM use is wrong. For me in low doses it worked great for social anxiety, and all "worldly" anxieties. If you want to use DXM as needed, so long as you don't use too much for too long, I don't see too much of an issue, so long as it doesn't become an everyday thing. DXM is likely neurotoxic, and over longer periods of use irreversible damage can be done to the brain, seriously. I would not use it with an SSRI becuase of the risk of serotonin syndrome, which can be fatal, but if you are willing to give up the DXM for an SSRI, you could do that.

BTW- Your psychiatrist doesn't know what he's doing, you are right. Even doctors can be ignorant.
 
Alex000 said:
I don't think occassional DXM use is wrong. For me in low doses it worked great for social anxiety, and all "worldly" anxieties. If you want to use DXM as needed, so long as you don't use too much for too long, I don't see too much of an issue, so long as it doesn't become an everyday thing. DXM is likely neurotoxic, and over longer periods of use irreversible damage can be done to the brain, seriously. I would not use it with an SSRI becuase of the risk of serotonin syndrome, which can be fatal, but if you are willing to give up the DXM for an SSRI, you could do that.

BTW- Your psychiatrist doesn't know what he's doing, you are right. Even doctors can be ignorant.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately I haven't been using DXM occasionally; rather, like every other school day as if it was anxiety medicine. Or more like, social lubricant.
 
I would suggest finding a new psychiatrist.. Maybe you are just being overly honest about your DXM use to the doctors and whatnot. It is possible that they see you as a young drug seeking kid. It all depends on your demeanor and attitude and appearance. You just need to express your legitimate depression issues, and find a therapist as well.. Psychiatrists aren't there to tell you how to fix your life, they justmanage medication. Psychologists/therapists take care of the therapy part of your treatment. The two go hand in hand.

Medicine alone can't magically fix your problems. You need to get to the root, using therapy, and work on rectifying your issues, along with the help of medication.

It isn't easy, man. And believe me or don't believe me but I am going through a similiar patch of no motivation or interest in much of anything, not enjoying my friends, insomnia, extreme anxiety... In the process of finding a new psychiatrist tomange my meds, since the last 2 years were spent battling cancer and now nobody is willing to take the reigns with my psychiatric issues.

You need to work and work at it bro, it takes a long time. I have been dealing with these issues for 7 years now, and it isn' any fucking better overall.

Eventually you'll find the right psychiatrist and therapist and you'll really mke progress. It IS possible.. Good luck.
 
BrokedownPalace said:
I would suggest finding a new psychiatrist.. Maybe you are just being overly honest about your DXM use to the doctors and whatnot. It is possible that they see you as a young drug seeking kid. It all depends on your demeanor and attitude and appearance. You just need to express your legitimate depression issues, and find a therapist as well.. Psychiatrists aren't there to tell you how to fix your life, they justmanage medication. Psychologists/therapists take care of the therapy part of your treatment. The two go hand in hand.

Eventually you'll find the right psychiatrist and therapist and you'll really mke progress. It IS possible.. Good luck.
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Thanks.

I guess I am being too honest and focusing too much on DXM to my psych. He did mention several times how amazingly honest I was to him.
 
In my personal experience its never a good call to mention drugs to a phych doctor if you want any kind of medication. Also if you told him you were taking paxil and DXM you didnt leave him much choice but to not write more paxil if you fuck up and die its his ass!

But for real these feelings you have will get better im 22 so I was in your shoes not too long ago its tough being a teenager and its even tougher being an intelligent teenager which you seem to be. If I can give some advice these girls and friends you have are mostly temporary you will have your time together then its over just enjoy the ride. I hated every day of high school but looking back I miss those times and people it was good. Drugs are fun but the are not the be all and end all of life find other things that you enjoy and do them happyness will naturally follow.
 
Just a little update: Me and that girl I mentioned are practically going out and I'm gonna ask her out soon and we skipped the bus to go in the gym and make out lmao so I guess for now, life is alright.

Weed firecrackers tomorrow between me and her.

Lol.

Oh, and I'll probably never do DXM again. Even though all the cognitive and memory problems were temporary, and are now completely gone, they scared me too much and the last time I used Paxil and DXM I think I almost died. I woke up and I think I was wasn't breathing because I felt like I was suffocating and my heart (or something in the center left of my chest) was hurting all that day. I think I learned my lesson.
 
Like you said "life is alright". :D So happy to hear this, and that you've learned your lesson. Serotonin syndrome is no joke.
 
Dude, dump the DXM. It is making your problems worse.

See a new psychiatrist after having not used for at least 2 weeks or more. Like schedule your appointment (and new psych appointments are far out usually) and when you make the appointment, stop using everything and go sober, then clearly articulate your problems to him as you did yo us. It's OK to jot notes down and take them with you so that you remember everything you want to speak with him about.

Depression and anxiety are hard, I've gone through some incredibly serious depression problems as well as anxiety and insomnia - it's important to try all methods except medication as a first line treatment.
I know you said exercise doesn't help, but have you tried at least 45 minutes of cardio daily for a month at least? It will really change your outlook.
In general it just sounds like you are very impatient. All treatments including medications and therapy take time to work, so give them a chance.
 
Thanks for the constructive criticism. Me and my doctor have finally pretty much settled (as far as I'm concerned) on the diagnosis: Inattentive ADD.

Thank God. Now the medicine I'm 'abusing' until I see him next appointment is Suphedrine. Works wonders; it is amazing for focus and all, and most importantly, my painful anxiety.

It feels good to know that the problem I have is pretty well known and has been known and treated for years. I wasn't sure if I would EVER get effective treatment.

I've sworn off DXM and I haven't used it for almost 3 weeks (maybe more... don't feel like checking right now). I currently have no intention of ever using any other recreational drug in the near future, at least not until I get my life on track to my satisfaction. And even then, probably not.
 
Suphedrine helps with your anxiety. That is a stimulant (which usually produce anxiety) with nasty side effects. All the negatives of amphetamines. If you have ADD I imagine an amphetamine or methylphenidate may be quite useful. People with ADD usually get the opposite effects of stimulants and helps with anxiety which is usually produced from your symptoms. So stimulants do help but I can't imagine Suphedrine helping due to the side effects. Amps help with my anxiety but that shit gives it to me. To each their own.
 
tell ur doctor wats up
how its affectng ur life
the paxil dont work n u want some xanax
it will make you way less anxious
i feel liek something bad is gunna happen all the time
xanax helps alot alot
 
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