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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Secrets

C

closeau

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 15, 2012
Messages
1,143
Location
Durham, N.C.
Hi. I'm in a bad kinda place right now. I'm in pain management program due to painful blood clots and had surgery recently to take out my colon and it still hurts a lot. Basically I have need for pain meds but last few weeks the Dilaudid has got me. I'm iv'ing 3-4 times a day and I'm allowed 6 a day so I still stay on schedule but just iv and it's great. I mean the buzz is nice even though shortly lived but it works on my pain. I see my dr Tuesday and we have to change my extended release to either MS Contin which I was on for years with little success or fentanyl patches. I'm leaning towards the patches cause if I could get this pain under control, I would stop iv'ing. I know I would cause I feel bad bc of it. I have addictive past with booze and have been to detox many times and rehab and I'm still involved with AA but very scarcely. That's why I named this secrets. Besides the pain I'm supposed to be doing so good and here I am shooting my pills when alone. I just really had to get this off my chest. Some of y'all out here already know this. I know pain is no exuse for shooting pills but that's where I'm at and up till this pain is more under control I'm gonna do it. Like I said, I just wanted to throw this out here to the community and see what I get. I really do feel bad about this. I'm afraid if I go much longer I'm gonna get hooked, if I'm not already there. Booze has always been my thing but I know now what they talk about when addicts become addicted to the whole process of preparation. That's where in getting. I don't know if this is the right category but I'm starting to get nervous I'm getting in over my head. That's all. We'll see Tuesday and maybe I'll get some relief and I'm done with this. Thanks for reading
 
Hey man,
Im sorry to hear your in a rough spot.
Try not to get too down on yourself, out of all the reasons to be using opiates, being in alot of pain is good one.

Its tough to sit and suffer in pain when you have a way to make it go away for a while.
Its agood sign that you recognize your in a tricky situation and feel bad about it.
Just remember, not wanting to be in pain doesn't make you a bad person.

Perhaps you could reach out to NA for some support if you think you need it?
I hope your meeting with your doctor gets you some relief!
 
Thanks man. That means a lot. My best friend is a recovering H addict and I'm gonna go to a meeting with him. I really don't wanna be in pain. Thanks again for your kind words!!
 
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