scratching wounds until the razor hits the bone

[undead]

there are days when i could pass a razor through the same wound time and time again, until the wound becomes my will to saw right through the bone. i could let the blood drain down my arm and drip off my fingertips... it could fill the kitchen sink until the faucet's tip is touching red. my skin would turn a darker shade of greyish blue, the bruises pass completely through my limbs and show promise on the other side. chipping off the skin of my knuckles as i displace the shards off glass, splintered wood, whatever makes me feel so much pain that i think its time to stop, but it only makes me want to fuckin do it again, to forget how much it hurt and have a new kind of anger to learn to cope with.

so much for the days of feeling great
and happy grins they come and go
but they dont come around here so much
now when i smile its covered in blood
i extend my hand to shake that of a new found "friend"
skin to scars they wonder why
dont bother asking
im sure our time together will be short
you cant find comfort in the bottom of an empty bottle
but break that bottle and youll find hope in the broken glass
i cry alone because i cant accept defeat
i bleed because i care, not because i hurt
i wince because i lose sight of what i really want
and all that is is closure
oh how the fuck was i to know that you'd be on your way
to save me while im at my worst you never cared to say
a bit too late you were... you showed up at my door
but it was locked to ensure that i would die alone

 

[e5th3r]

absolutely brilliant...

 

[undead]

thank you

 

[Psychedelics_r_best]

Now what difference would there have been if you skipped writing that long poem about mutilating yourself and your social incapability and just said I slit my throat..the end.

Unless you want to be a self piteous depressed animal some advice you might learn from is that the only one who is making you this way is you, no outside forces. All you have to do is be happy, that simple. Its too wide a universe to be absorbed within a piece of matter so inifinitly small compared to the whole.

 

[undead]

the universe as an entirety doesnt matter to damn near anyone. almost everyone is concerned with what directly connects to them.

 

[Raz]

you cant find comfort in the bottom of an empty bottle
but break that bottle and youll find hope in the broken glass

All of this really hit close to home, but this line in particular says a lot about the need to hurt yourself...this made me uncomfortable, but was a really well-written piece!

 

[drEaMtiMe*@#]

Originally posted by Psychedelics_r_best
All you have to do is be happy, that simple.

i think that being truly happy with yourself, your life, and the world at large is anything but simple.

i liked this piece, it is dark and uncomfortable to read, but at the same time it's very well written and also very emblematic of how writing can not only be a great way to vent your deepest emotions, but also how it can help you reflect upon those emotions by trying to see why they're there, and where they've come from, and hopefully in the end finding a way to work through them.

hope things get better for you.

 

[onetwothreefour]

Originally posted by Psychedelics_r_best
Now what difference would there have been if you skipped writing that long poem about mutilating yourself and your social incapability and just said I slit my throat..the end.

Unless you want to be a self piteous depressed animal some advice you might learn from is that the only one who is making you this way is you, no outside forces. All you have to do is be happy, that simple. Its too wide a universe to be absorbed within a piece of matter so inifinitly small compared to the whole.

you're an idiot. it's a pity that it isn't people such as yourself don't have to deal with the very real effects of depression.

--

ryan, this is a great piece. no let up. it's good. hope writing it made you feel a little better man.

 

[Psychedelics_r_best]

Alright sorry for being a jackass. If people wouldnt be concerned for wholes larger than themselves the world would be a very very very very cruddy place.

Yeah I was being a bit dickish with what i said sorry. Whenever I get depressed it is not for myself but the world and everything in it that suffers from the plague of human selfishness and short sight, and the inevitability that it will continue like this until we somehow become extinct or realize this and attempt to repair out damage, the former probably happening long before the latter ever would.

If you really want to be depressed you can I am jsut saying try looking beyond your own boarders and realize how lucky you are to be alive. If people really have nothing else to do but try to kill themselves after being given the gift of life all the power to us.

Sorry youre depressed, get better soon.

 

[undead]

Alright sorry for being a jackass. If people wouldnt be concerned for wholes larger than themselves the world would be a very very very very cruddy place.

Yeah I was being a bit dickish with what i said sorry. Whenever I get depressed it is not for myself but the world and everything in it that suffers from the plague of human selfishness and short sight, and the inevitability that it will continue like this until we somehow become extinct or realize this and attempt to repair out damage, the former probably happening long before the latter ever would.

If you really want to be depressed you can I am jsut saying try looking beyond your own boarders and realize how lucky you are to be alive. If people really have nothing else to do but try to kill themselves after being given the gift of life all the power to us.

Sorry youre depressed, get better soon.

dont feel bad for that man. believe me, and you may or may not, but that IS partly why i get so upset. yes there is a large level of inclusion of my own self loathing and fear of failure, but its also because i get sick of having to live through what i consider to be a complete and utter shithole of a world. yeah it has its good things, but it always seems the bad outweighs the good. some may say im a pussy for even thinking about taking my own life and that its selfish and shit like that, but maybe my opinion on it is fuck it ive done everything i could and what good has it done? absolutely nothing, and in that state, continually, and showing signs of infinitely you reach a point where you feel your purpose has been fulfilled or missed all together. why waste the resources that fuel the curers of this planets disease?

then again maybe its just temporary depression.

 

[Psychedelics_r_best]

Yes I totally understand what you are saying, but eventhough the human race as a whole is destroying the world people that can see beyond the skyrises, corporacy and mints have a chance to change things. Once you are already alive and have all you need there is no point in not being taken for the ride and doing all the good deeds you can do along the way. There are plenty of ways to escape corporate and governmental ideologies and still maintain your life. Once youre here you might as well stay here because youll find out what death is like soon enough. If you really are intent on not contributing to bullshit just dont have any kids, but you could also have kids and teach them well.

Id use some stupid analogy here about humanity and its inhumanity but ive decided nothing can really comnvey that.

And also, what is the point in having to bleed yourself more than once. If you have really come to that it just seems to make sense to kill yourself. But there is no point in that. Be happy!

 

[undead]

in my case, i bleed several times. i use it as a release because im not good with emotions. i get VERY sad, VERY angry... its just my way to destroy those, physical pain is a way to avoid emotional pain. not that its a good thing, but it works for me. today im a happier person than i was yesterday.

and btw, i feel you man, i enjoy your insights, not that we'll always agree, but its a second perspective of what one mind only allows itself to have one view on. you seem more optimistic than i. i cant deny that im a VERY pessimistic person, and that probably is what makes me over react. pain is my self medication i suppose because i dont completely trust prescription meds. ill use them recreationally... but when they're being put to use to "balance" an inbalance in chemicals inside my brain... ill be the judge of when i really "need" them, not someone with a doctorate in psychology. i know myself better than ANYone.