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saying

lunaclo

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2002
Messages
24
Careening down the side of a mountain road that leads to winter, I sought the familiar roasting pain that had been my friend, this defined by longevity of companionship. I could hear frost ringing in my ears, as if to say I was pioneering only for myself. I stopped upon a pile of seeds, some forgotten bird with lament above my head. Back home, my windows are locked and obscured. If only I can be the peaceful soul I so admire in the reflection, yet I only have the strength to be afraid. Today I'll climb trees and swallow sounds.
 
Consider putting this into blank verse - Otherwise I think its quite good! Especially the last line.
 
thank you so much.....The last line is also my favorite, stepping back from it, I wonder if I meant absorption of sound or hesitance in releasing it........i think I'll except the challenge of fussing with iambic pentameter, it is a bit wordy and unaccented now that you mention it. Thanks again!
 
well, as far as the last line goes, I thought it could ALSO mean the sounds of a small bird (ie the swallow) ;)
and I wouldn't stress out to much about any sort of metre, I think it reads just fine as is. :D
 
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