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say good-bye to him

Mellabopper

Mellabopper

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2000
Messages
3,811
Location
Boston
i'm dedicating this to a certain blueligher who I think is currently going (or recently went) through a situation like this...
stay strong, girl - i'm here for ya if you need me
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i thought this is what i wanted
i thought you were what i needed
i guess i was wrong
or maybe it was just that
i wasnt what you wanted
and i'm just trying to convince myself i dont want you either.
and nothing just
seems so tempting
because everything
has lost its shine.
nothing added up to the right numbers
and i,
i didnt add up to your standards.
i'd like to say
'fuck you'
and forget
about you
but we both know its not that easy
all the while i was thinking of you
you were thinking of another
so close to heaven
but you threw it all away
as i turned and walked away
not wanting to make a mockery of my dream.
because i'm still holding onto the memories
remembering how good it was back then -
only to remember the hell that followed.
and everything i thought it could be
has vanished.
everything i put my faith in
has failed me.
everyone i ever trusted
has let me down.
and everyone i have ever loved
has left me.
9-11-01 (2:25 am)
Mellabopper
 
You are so talented. I know your friend appreciates the words you dedicated to her.
Thumbs up, hussy.
smile.gif

biggrin.gif

Brownie
 
goddammit mella... i wasn't going to cry today... *sobs*
what would i do without you?
you know that i always try to quote one piece of everyone's poem that hit home to me the most... well i cant do it this time. every line, every word, that's the story that's written in my heart.
today i say goodbye to him. today he comes over at 10 am.... exactly one hour from now, and we will say goodbye. by noon, every trace of him will be erased from my apartment. the walls which once hung with hundreds of happy pictures, will be bare. today there will be no dirty socks hiding under my bed for me to pick up. no one will touch those turntables, making me want to dance around my living room.
did you ever have that feeling inside you, like your insides have twisted into a little ball, and your skin prickles with goosebumps at the lightest breeze... the way you can feel tears in your eyes but they dont fall, they just kind of, hang there.
you know, last night, i was chatting with someone, and they said something along the lines of "Sounds like you could use a friend." he was right. but you know what? since this whole thing started weeks ago, so many different people have come out of the blue (or should i say, out of the bluelight) to be here for me. i could never thank them all. my pain brought me strength from strangers. my buddy list grew so much that it cant hold any more people! lol. this is why i spend my 3rd year on bluelight... i honestly dont think i could get through today, or tomorrow, without any of you. i would be strapped down to some hospital bed if it weren't for the constant love and support i get from my REAL friends here.
mella this means a lot to me. *hits print* someday soon i will give you a real hug... but for now you'll have to settle for (((mella))).
thank you.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
*Choice, not chance, determines destiny*
"November is all I know."
 
i love you mel
smile.gif
we've been in the same place so many times it seems. see you soon.
------------------
"curiouser and curiouser..." -alice
 
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