i still live my life for you, waiting day to day, watching the little green dot appear and disappear. i live by a different calendar nowadays.
how long until you discover that i am here talking about you? how long until you click the little read all posts made by versd link and realise its me here? i doubt it will happen, you've left this place and this life behind you now.
in some ways i want you to know, so you can see how youve made me feel. and at other times i couldnt be more ashamed that you were seemingly the catalyst for my life turning from being normal to this.
i mentioned months ago in another blog post that i would be looking up when the time came.
it was true. i looked up and thought of you. i thought of all the good times, and the bad, about you, about me, about the love i still have for you. and how i would still give up anything to have things back the way they were, to change the past and the decisions i made to result in what my life is now.
then i railed another line of coke and made out with some random american girl.
this is not the life i wanted to lead.
my schedule is a special one which always has time for you. yours is a special one which never has time for me. its a good thing im leaving again, leaving you behind, leaving you to do what you had always said you'd do with me. settle down.
whatever. ill travel the world, meet new people, see new places and do all the things which you told me a long time ago that you absolutely had to do and thats why you couldnt settle down. fuck your contradictions and hypocrisy.
there are mine as well. i sit here offering help and advice to others in SLR. while at the same time, i can never take my own advice and leave you out of my life. is it wrong of me to try help other people when im in such a bad place myself? to offer advice on how to fix a relationship when i so badly ruined ours?
how long until you discover that i am here talking about you? how long until you click the little read all posts made by versd link and realise its me here? i doubt it will happen, you've left this place and this life behind you now.
in some ways i want you to know, so you can see how youve made me feel. and at other times i couldnt be more ashamed that you were seemingly the catalyst for my life turning from being normal to this.
i mentioned months ago in another blog post that i would be looking up when the time came.
it was true. i looked up and thought of you. i thought of all the good times, and the bad, about you, about me, about the love i still have for you. and how i would still give up anything to have things back the way they were, to change the past and the decisions i made to result in what my life is now.
then i railed another line of coke and made out with some random american girl.
this is not the life i wanted to lead.
my schedule is a special one which always has time for you. yours is a special one which never has time for me. its a good thing im leaving again, leaving you behind, leaving you to do what you had always said you'd do with me. settle down.
whatever. ill travel the world, meet new people, see new places and do all the things which you told me a long time ago that you absolutely had to do and thats why you couldnt settle down. fuck your contradictions and hypocrisy.
there are mine as well. i sit here offering help and advice to others in SLR. while at the same time, i can never take my own advice and leave you out of my life. is it wrong of me to try help other people when im in such a bad place myself? to offer advice on how to fix a relationship when i so badly ruined ours?