psychedelicious
Bluelighter
Background
I had been waiting for quite some time to use Salvia - nearly six months. My last experience with the sacred herb resulted in a very introspective retrospective. After returning to earth, I had a huge emotional cry-fest, realizing that I was going about life in a very ignorant way.
Since then I have been relatively clean. I've had alcohol (several times), smoked some cannabis (once), taken DXM (thrice) and taken LSD (once at ~650 μg). Lately, however, my sentiments towards synthetic psychotropics has changed. The LSD experience I mentioned was catastrophic. While reflecting on it, I realized that most of my experiences with synthetic drugs have been unpleasant. Anything learned from these experiences could have been learned from natural substances which do not have the same negative consequences as the synthetics. I have come to believe that fungi, cannabis, DMT, mescaline, and other naturally occurring drugs were put here for us to use respectfully, but synthetic drugs need even more careful consideration and a far greater respect in that they tend to be more powerful and potentially traumatizing. I feel that LSD, MDMA, MDA, etc. can be very positive substances, but that they should be used very sparingly.
Natural drugs, to my knowledge, have been shown to be far less physiologically damaging than synthetics and thus the natural substances are safer to use. My personal favorite teacher substance is a natural one - Salvia Divinorum. Last night, I felt that it was time again to use the herb.
The Experience
I turned the lights out save for one above the sink. My roommate was in the study of our dorm using his computer. My suite mates were in their room on the other side of the study preparing for the monthly party our suite hosts (lots of beer and margaritas). I cracked open the window and realized how dark and crisp the air was at 9 PM. Almost zero photonic action out there. The temperature was around 50 degrees Fahrenheit (10 degrees Celsius) and the cold air rushed in and filled the room. Directly behind me was my bed: I hoped to be able to set the pipe down and lay on the bed before the Salvia hit.
I loaded into the glass pipe ~1/10 gram of "20x" Salvinorin-A-infused crushed Salvia leaf. I raised the pipe to my lips and held the lighter close enough the the leaf matter so that the blue base of the flame would vaporize as much Salvinorin as possible. The bits of leaf came to life and expanded slightly as they burned and smoke tried to escape upwards. I began to inhale. After about two seconds, I felt the Salvia creep into my brain.
My last thought before entering the Salvia world was "Ok, hold on to the pipe for just one more moment and then set it down and then set the lighter down and then exhale and then lay down on the bed and don't move," but alas, I didn't quite hang on to earth long enough to do any of the above.
Instantly my self-concept disintegrates, and, along with it, my body. The progression of dissolution is as follows:
Limbs and head fall off body so that I exist as two arms, two legs, a head, and torso. Each piece of me, I sense, has the exact same number of infinitesimally small particles composing it - I divided evenly.
Torso, head, and limbs each split into halves, and halves again, and halves again, and on and on until there are six groups of the same number of molecules, each of the six groups representing an arm, leg, my torso, or head.
The molecules split into groups of atoms.
The atoms split into groups of electrons, protons, and neutrons.
The subatomic particles then divide:
Neutrons split into groups of two "down" quarks and one "up" quark.
Protons split into groups of two "up" quarks and one "down" quark.
Electrons remain as they are for this split.
Quarks and electrons break down further into something science has not yet defined. These new particles split even further, and further, and further still, splitting for an eternity (which is only an instant at the same time) until I do not exist physically.
My mind is dissecting itself over and over again. My senses separate themselves, including some unnamed senses which I cannot even begin to describe. Each distinct sense then breaks up into several parts according to the realm of consciousness in which that part of the sense exists. For example, sight divided into conscious, subconscious (meaning functions of sight which are normally not consciously controlled, but which can be if one wants to - focusing would be an example of this function of sight.), unconscious, deep-sleep, dream-sleep, and many others.
These new mental segments divide further and further, but I cannot describe how. It is beyond this language.
After this infinity of time, I am dead. Death is empty. There is not blackness, because the ability to understand the lack of light is not present. There is not silence, because the ability to understand the lack of sound is not present. There is no emotion, because the ability to feel is gone. My massless, selfless, emotionless, senseless being can only exist on the most basic of levels - nothing more.
Another eternity passes.
This eternity is very hard to describe, because I cannot comprehend the passage of time or movement in any dimension. I call it an eternity because it seems most appropriate - dividing the zero of myself into the sum of all things results in eternities of all dimensions.
Without warning, I feel my ego begin take on the quality of existence.
Self-awareness returns first. I am coming back. I can't remember my past, or who I am, but I know there is something back there in the depths.
Now sight. I am introduced to "seeing." It is very confusing. I see chemical and emotional reactions happening all about me. I see tiny bursts of energy and matter and feelings interacting. Sight slowly zooms out from these interactions and I realize that I was seeing the most basic level of life. I feel panicked - where are the other self-aware entities? Am I alone in this existence?
A surge of energy pulses through me and I feel the particles around me interact with my body. The tactile sense is returning. I suddenly can smell things, though it takes quite some time before I can understand this ability. Taste and hearing return next, along with some other senses I cannot describe. I feel other bits and pieces which are attached to my self-aware consciousness - my body. I have a physical presence in the world, but still cannot understand all of the sensory input.
Knowledge surges into my from all around. I learn how to interpret my senses. I see blobs of ambiguous tones, then color. I feel coldness on the boundaries of my body (read: skin, but I did not know what this "skin" was at the time). I smell a crispness in the air. I realize that the vibrations hitting my head can be interpreted and converted to something I can hear.
I live in the instant. It is simple and reassuring.
I remember.
Ah yes, I am somebody more than this crude perceiving machine. My past floods back to me. I am almost completely back to earth. I feel very tired, mentally and physically. My senses still seem foreign, and slightly uncomfortable. My suite mate walks in to make sure than I am not in trouble. He picks up a the pipe which is lying on the floor, and walks out. I try to speak to him, but it is way too hard. No way I am going to interact with people now. Ah, yes, I feel so strange because I just went on a spiritual journey because I just smoked some Salvia. This makes sense. I realize I haven't moved since I blasted off, and climb into my bed to let my senses and ability return completely.
Aftermath
After returning to baseline (which took about 45 minutes), I decided to go have a few beers with the rest of the party, who had arrived during my trip. I felt so relaxed and content and uninhibited (pre-beer, too!
). Talking to my friends was so much fun. I talked to my girlfriend for a while on the phone. Had another beer. Talked some more, listened to some music.
I expected to have a hard time getting to sleep as per always, but fell asleep ridiculously easily. I woke up this morning refreshed and energetic. I have had a horrible virus for the past few days which has really bogged me down and kept me in a general state of miserable illness, but it seemed to have almost full passed by the time I awoke. I still have a runny nose, but no horrible headache or death-cough. On top of that, all day, I have had a wonderful feeling of warmth, confidence, and purpose. I am unusually content. I haven't felt this amazing in a long, long time.
I really haven't had enough time yet to reflect on this experience, but knew I needed to record it so that later on I could return to it and my immediate feelings about it. In a few weeks, perhaps, I will post a follow-up thread or reply to this one and discuss the lessons I have learned and the integration process. Right now, I am just letting things settle in my mind.
This was definitely the most intense experience I have ever had. I feel like I have been through this before - maybe at birth? Oh yeah, I wrote the experience itself in first person because it is more of a reliving than retelling. Don't go all grammar-nazi on me!
Thanks for reading,
psychedelicious
substancecode_salvia
substancecode_ethnobotanical
categorycode_solo
categorycode_indoors
categorycode_recreational
categorycode_positive
categorycode_powerful
explevel_experienced
I had been waiting for quite some time to use Salvia - nearly six months. My last experience with the sacred herb resulted in a very introspective retrospective. After returning to earth, I had a huge emotional cry-fest, realizing that I was going about life in a very ignorant way.
Since then I have been relatively clean. I've had alcohol (several times), smoked some cannabis (once), taken DXM (thrice) and taken LSD (once at ~650 μg). Lately, however, my sentiments towards synthetic psychotropics has changed. The LSD experience I mentioned was catastrophic. While reflecting on it, I realized that most of my experiences with synthetic drugs have been unpleasant. Anything learned from these experiences could have been learned from natural substances which do not have the same negative consequences as the synthetics. I have come to believe that fungi, cannabis, DMT, mescaline, and other naturally occurring drugs were put here for us to use respectfully, but synthetic drugs need even more careful consideration and a far greater respect in that they tend to be more powerful and potentially traumatizing. I feel that LSD, MDMA, MDA, etc. can be very positive substances, but that they should be used very sparingly.
Natural drugs, to my knowledge, have been shown to be far less physiologically damaging than synthetics and thus the natural substances are safer to use. My personal favorite teacher substance is a natural one - Salvia Divinorum. Last night, I felt that it was time again to use the herb.
The Experience
I turned the lights out save for one above the sink. My roommate was in the study of our dorm using his computer. My suite mates were in their room on the other side of the study preparing for the monthly party our suite hosts (lots of beer and margaritas). I cracked open the window and realized how dark and crisp the air was at 9 PM. Almost zero photonic action out there. The temperature was around 50 degrees Fahrenheit (10 degrees Celsius) and the cold air rushed in and filled the room. Directly behind me was my bed: I hoped to be able to set the pipe down and lay on the bed before the Salvia hit.
I loaded into the glass pipe ~1/10 gram of "20x" Salvinorin-A-infused crushed Salvia leaf. I raised the pipe to my lips and held the lighter close enough the the leaf matter so that the blue base of the flame would vaporize as much Salvinorin as possible. The bits of leaf came to life and expanded slightly as they burned and smoke tried to escape upwards. I began to inhale. After about two seconds, I felt the Salvia creep into my brain.
My last thought before entering the Salvia world was "Ok, hold on to the pipe for just one more moment and then set it down and then set the lighter down and then exhale and then lay down on the bed and don't move," but alas, I didn't quite hang on to earth long enough to do any of the above.
Instantly my self-concept disintegrates, and, along with it, my body. The progression of dissolution is as follows:
Limbs and head fall off body so that I exist as two arms, two legs, a head, and torso. Each piece of me, I sense, has the exact same number of infinitesimally small particles composing it - I divided evenly.
Torso, head, and limbs each split into halves, and halves again, and halves again, and on and on until there are six groups of the same number of molecules, each of the six groups representing an arm, leg, my torso, or head.
The molecules split into groups of atoms.
The atoms split into groups of electrons, protons, and neutrons.
The subatomic particles then divide:
Neutrons split into groups of two "down" quarks and one "up" quark.
Protons split into groups of two "up" quarks and one "down" quark.
Electrons remain as they are for this split.
Quarks and electrons break down further into something science has not yet defined. These new particles split even further, and further, and further still, splitting for an eternity (which is only an instant at the same time) until I do not exist physically.
My mind is dissecting itself over and over again. My senses separate themselves, including some unnamed senses which I cannot even begin to describe. Each distinct sense then breaks up into several parts according to the realm of consciousness in which that part of the sense exists. For example, sight divided into conscious, subconscious (meaning functions of sight which are normally not consciously controlled, but which can be if one wants to - focusing would be an example of this function of sight.), unconscious, deep-sleep, dream-sleep, and many others.
These new mental segments divide further and further, but I cannot describe how. It is beyond this language.
After this infinity of time, I am dead. Death is empty. There is not blackness, because the ability to understand the lack of light is not present. There is not silence, because the ability to understand the lack of sound is not present. There is no emotion, because the ability to feel is gone. My massless, selfless, emotionless, senseless being can only exist on the most basic of levels - nothing more.
Another eternity passes.
This eternity is very hard to describe, because I cannot comprehend the passage of time or movement in any dimension. I call it an eternity because it seems most appropriate - dividing the zero of myself into the sum of all things results in eternities of all dimensions.
Without warning, I feel my ego begin take on the quality of existence.
Self-awareness returns first. I am coming back. I can't remember my past, or who I am, but I know there is something back there in the depths.
Now sight. I am introduced to "seeing." It is very confusing. I see chemical and emotional reactions happening all about me. I see tiny bursts of energy and matter and feelings interacting. Sight slowly zooms out from these interactions and I realize that I was seeing the most basic level of life. I feel panicked - where are the other self-aware entities? Am I alone in this existence?
A surge of energy pulses through me and I feel the particles around me interact with my body. The tactile sense is returning. I suddenly can smell things, though it takes quite some time before I can understand this ability. Taste and hearing return next, along with some other senses I cannot describe. I feel other bits and pieces which are attached to my self-aware consciousness - my body. I have a physical presence in the world, but still cannot understand all of the sensory input.
Knowledge surges into my from all around. I learn how to interpret my senses. I see blobs of ambiguous tones, then color. I feel coldness on the boundaries of my body (read: skin, but I did not know what this "skin" was at the time). I smell a crispness in the air. I realize that the vibrations hitting my head can be interpreted and converted to something I can hear.
I live in the instant. It is simple and reassuring.
I remember.
Ah yes, I am somebody more than this crude perceiving machine. My past floods back to me. I am almost completely back to earth. I feel very tired, mentally and physically. My senses still seem foreign, and slightly uncomfortable. My suite mate walks in to make sure than I am not in trouble. He picks up a the pipe which is lying on the floor, and walks out. I try to speak to him, but it is way too hard. No way I am going to interact with people now. Ah, yes, I feel so strange because I just went on a spiritual journey because I just smoked some Salvia. This makes sense. I realize I haven't moved since I blasted off, and climb into my bed to let my senses and ability return completely.
Aftermath
After returning to baseline (which took about 45 minutes), I decided to go have a few beers with the rest of the party, who had arrived during my trip. I felt so relaxed and content and uninhibited (pre-beer, too!
). Talking to my friends was so much fun. I talked to my girlfriend for a while on the phone. Had another beer. Talked some more, listened to some music.I expected to have a hard time getting to sleep as per always, but fell asleep ridiculously easily. I woke up this morning refreshed and energetic. I have had a horrible virus for the past few days which has really bogged me down and kept me in a general state of miserable illness, but it seemed to have almost full passed by the time I awoke. I still have a runny nose, but no horrible headache or death-cough. On top of that, all day, I have had a wonderful feeling of warmth, confidence, and purpose. I am unusually content. I haven't felt this amazing in a long, long time.
I really haven't had enough time yet to reflect on this experience, but knew I needed to record it so that later on I could return to it and my immediate feelings about it. In a few weeks, perhaps, I will post a follow-up thread or reply to this one and discuss the lessons I have learned and the integration process. Right now, I am just letting things settle in my mind.
This was definitely the most intense experience I have ever had. I feel like I have been through this before - maybe at birth? Oh yeah, I wrote the experience itself in first person because it is more of a reliving than retelling. Don't go all grammar-nazi on me!
Thanks for reading,
psychedelicious
substancecode_salvia
substancecode_ethnobotanical
categorycode_solo
categorycode_indoors
categorycode_recreational
categorycode_positive
categorycode_powerful
explevel_experienced
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Thanks for the comments. I agree that it is difficult to understand it most of the time. It usually takes me a few weeks of reflection to understand what I experienced and integrate it with my regular life.
