swilow
Bluelight Crew
ACTUAL EVENTS OCCURRED 3 YEARS AGO-
This was to be the first of many times that I would smoke salvia divinorum to EXTREME effects. Prior to this experience, I had experienced flashes of the alien nature of the experience held within the sacred plant- all mainly physical, and downright unpleasant- but on this instance I had determined that enough was enough; it was time to get down and dirty with this so-called psychedelic drug.
The substance was a crude extract of salvia re-dissolved onto salvia leaf; quite a common way of selling this sage for some reason. Either way, the potency was unknown- the recommended dosage (after "not at all") was '2 bongs'. Well, in hindsight a foolish decision was made, as I smoked immense sized bongs (weed) at the time. I believe I ultimately overdosed massively on salvia after following this advice; though, of course the impetus and choice all lay with me.
Anyway- this experience changed every aspect of my life. I will never forget this, and I contemplate the ramifications daily. The experience lead me to severe anxiety, with almost PTSD like symptoms for several months afterwards, such was the power of it. I had used many psychedelics before, from high to very immersive doses (including DMT and 5-Meo-DMT) so I felt I was capable of preceeding without too much caution; and so-
The setting was my bedroom several years ago now, while I still lived at home with my parents; they had just retired for the night....
A very large cone was packed, burnt slowly and ripped through, smoke inflating my lungs...quite tasty really....whilst holding it in, I packed the second pipe, exhaled and began smoking the second piiipppprjfppppiiiiipe.. 8 94984g 77....
What is this? Where the fuck am I? My body had been literally cloven in two by the most intense tearing sensation (from the right of course) and then taken off in opposite directions. But it began to make sense- I was moving high speed through a foggy space car, arguing frantically with my brother and sister who seemed to be on either side of me, towards the back-they squeaked desperately at me, and I was sitting with two strangers then, underneath the most burnt, dying sky imaginable; a lifeless sun spun furiously as if time here was accelerated or random- I sat, naked, with two individuals in a tent/under the sky, with a great scorched plain strecthing before me, and the most eerie sense of ancient-ness and utter terror was slowly filling. To my right squatted a short, dark-skinned man, heavily tatooed with shifting patterns, jagged teeth smiling malevolently, laughing at my confusion. In fron of me, in the space where my computer had resided was a Lady/wheel of psychedelic colour, spinning in a clockwise fashion. I watched it spin, and then things began to get really weird....
I was at a market in a distant galaxy, with immense green-waxlike gumby figures strutting around.....I was back in a tent, this time of a circus like nature....I was sitting with the shamans again in the desert.....I was back at the market again, waking up from a dream of a desert....I was standing, covered in a sticky thin membrane of pure white when I finally began asking myself how any of this was possible. There was no memory of smoking ANYTHING, just this newfound reality that felt realer then anything I had ever experienced. The question, and inability to answer it, sent my mind into an absolute frenzy of panic, until I concluded I was actually asleep and dreaming; and so I tried every technique I knew to step out of the dream into wakefulness, but what eventually workerd was seemingly tearing through the mebrane around me, and finally emerging back into my room. But this ride was not over....
The 'other' reality was still completely there; I couldn't see it as such, but I knew (for example) that my subwoofer was actually the salvia queen of spiralling lights; and the small black shaman was still sitting and mocking me..In utter terror, I saw that I was halfway out my room, having thrown my bong against a wall, and was calling out "What the fuck?" (thankfully no one heard me). The panic was so strong now I was shaking and almost vomiting. I lunged at the remaning salvia; this evil, dangerous, poison; and tore it furiousy to pieces and binned it roughly (I later retrieved it
). Still hallucinating/dreaming I called my girlfriend when...back into the other world....replay full sequence of events....
Still hallucinating/dreaming I called my girlfriend when...back into the other world....replay full sequence of events....
Still hallucinating/dreaming I called my girlfriend when...back into the other world....replay full sequence of events....
Oh god, please stop please please please please-
exit. After finally being ejected from the worst place on earth, I realised I was talking rapidly to Miss Willow, imploring her to come and save me, which she kindly did. Tears of fear were streaming down my face; even though I was estranged from my mother at that point, I was a light-second away from running to her and telling her what I had done. Instead, I retrieved my bong and the salvia, and went on Bluelight...
I must say that the large majority of this experience is forgotten and completely non-linear in my memory. Most of what occurred seemed to happen out of order; either I experienced things before they occurred somehow, or experience several realites at the one time. However, the majority of it was spent in darkness, eternal darkness. I actually am tempted NOT to ost this report because I feel it does no justice to the experience; words haven't been coined for the salvia-space yet.
Anyway, as said in subsequent weeks I was filled with a terror, completely irrational, that I hadn't properly returned, or had returned to the wrong reality. I would jump at the movemnt of my reflection in a mirror, and every time I opened a door, I was gripped with a fear of what I would find. This overtook me for a while...I could barely leave my room. The only cure was to go back to Her and ask for it, which I did....
Several things are important to me about salvia:
- It induced a state which I believe is akin to delerium. As a child, when my grandparents died (seperately of course) I experienced extreme delerium and visions/dissociation whereby I had no contact with my surroundings. This happened three times (my mothers parents, and my fathers dad), and my entire family would sit with me trying to relieve my fear. I was often sick when I was child, and almost always got feverish and delerious; this salvia experience put me in a place where I had been before- whther it is a real, physical place or a simulation I am unsure; all I know is that this doesn't happen everytime I smoke it.
-It is dangerous. For an anxious person such as myself, salvia can present a true danger to mental health. I already had PTSD-symptoms; panic attacks, general anxiety, nightmares etc- and this experience ramped this sensation up massively. That, I believe, was because the experience resulted from a massive over-dose; not physically dangerous I don't feel, but mentally way too much for anyone to handle. As said, for several weeks afterwards I was plagued by surges of panic and (almost) visionary states, and if I had known more about shamanism and spirituality as I do now, I believe I could have really manipulated the fluid reality I had returned to. I was unable (and still am) to be emplyed, due to massive agoraphobia whenver I was away from ymhouse, and then terrible claustrophobia whenever I was in my house.
-It is the strongest hallucingen known. Well, thats a subjective statement, but I cannot deny how real this intangible experience was. I have never been so dislocated from my phyical environment; or, I have never been so immersed in a visionary enxperience that, with my eyes open, I could see no evidence of my actual physical location.
-It showed me brutally that psychedelic drugs are not play things, and taught me a respect for my mind and for this plane of reality. I urge anyone with a drug problem to experience a full-blown salvia divinorum trip and see how eager they are for drug-induced realties afterwards. For me, I gathered a great respect for psychedelics in particular, and am still processing what I learnt in that flash, which happened maybe 3-4 years ago now.
Anyway, thats a long report and doesn't really explain much. I will say that attempting to describe this has actually stirred up a lot of spiritual anxiety in me once more; not as intense, but remembering that particular event ismlike remembering your own death- it chills me to the bone.
*I don't tend to wite trip reports as I'm not the most engagaing writer, but this is an experience I want kept for posterity. Much love people
willow11
substancecode_salvia
methodcode_smoked
This was to be the first of many times that I would smoke salvia divinorum to EXTREME effects. Prior to this experience, I had experienced flashes of the alien nature of the experience held within the sacred plant- all mainly physical, and downright unpleasant- but on this instance I had determined that enough was enough; it was time to get down and dirty with this so-called psychedelic drug.
The substance was a crude extract of salvia re-dissolved onto salvia leaf; quite a common way of selling this sage for some reason. Either way, the potency was unknown- the recommended dosage (after "not at all") was '2 bongs'. Well, in hindsight a foolish decision was made, as I smoked immense sized bongs (weed) at the time. I believe I ultimately overdosed massively on salvia after following this advice; though, of course the impetus and choice all lay with me.
Anyway- this experience changed every aspect of my life. I will never forget this, and I contemplate the ramifications daily. The experience lead me to severe anxiety, with almost PTSD like symptoms for several months afterwards, such was the power of it. I had used many psychedelics before, from high to very immersive doses (including DMT and 5-Meo-DMT) so I felt I was capable of preceeding without too much caution; and so-
The setting was my bedroom several years ago now, while I still lived at home with my parents; they had just retired for the night....
A very large cone was packed, burnt slowly and ripped through, smoke inflating my lungs...quite tasty really....whilst holding it in, I packed the second pipe, exhaled and began smoking the second piiipppprjfppppiiiiipe.. 8 94984g 77....
What is this? Where the fuck am I? My body had been literally cloven in two by the most intense tearing sensation (from the right of course) and then taken off in opposite directions. But it began to make sense- I was moving high speed through a foggy space car, arguing frantically with my brother and sister who seemed to be on either side of me, towards the back-they squeaked desperately at me, and I was sitting with two strangers then, underneath the most burnt, dying sky imaginable; a lifeless sun spun furiously as if time here was accelerated or random- I sat, naked, with two individuals in a tent/under the sky, with a great scorched plain strecthing before me, and the most eerie sense of ancient-ness and utter terror was slowly filling. To my right squatted a short, dark-skinned man, heavily tatooed with shifting patterns, jagged teeth smiling malevolently, laughing at my confusion. In fron of me, in the space where my computer had resided was a Lady/wheel of psychedelic colour, spinning in a clockwise fashion. I watched it spin, and then things began to get really weird....
I was at a market in a distant galaxy, with immense green-waxlike gumby figures strutting around.....I was back in a tent, this time of a circus like nature....I was sitting with the shamans again in the desert.....I was back at the market again, waking up from a dream of a desert....I was standing, covered in a sticky thin membrane of pure white when I finally began asking myself how any of this was possible. There was no memory of smoking ANYTHING, just this newfound reality that felt realer then anything I had ever experienced. The question, and inability to answer it, sent my mind into an absolute frenzy of panic, until I concluded I was actually asleep and dreaming; and so I tried every technique I knew to step out of the dream into wakefulness, but what eventually workerd was seemingly tearing through the mebrane around me, and finally emerging back into my room. But this ride was not over....
The 'other' reality was still completely there; I couldn't see it as such, but I knew (for example) that my subwoofer was actually the salvia queen of spiralling lights; and the small black shaman was still sitting and mocking me..In utter terror, I saw that I was halfway out my room, having thrown my bong against a wall, and was calling out "What the fuck?" (thankfully no one heard me). The panic was so strong now I was shaking and almost vomiting. I lunged at the remaning salvia; this evil, dangerous, poison; and tore it furiousy to pieces and binned it roughly (I later retrieved it
). Still hallucinating/dreaming I called my girlfriend when...back into the other world....replay full sequence of events....Still hallucinating/dreaming I called my girlfriend when...back into the other world....replay full sequence of events....
Still hallucinating/dreaming I called my girlfriend when...back into the other world....replay full sequence of events....
Oh god, please stop please please please please-
exit. After finally being ejected from the worst place on earth, I realised I was talking rapidly to Miss Willow, imploring her to come and save me, which she kindly did. Tears of fear were streaming down my face; even though I was estranged from my mother at that point, I was a light-second away from running to her and telling her what I had done. Instead, I retrieved my bong and the salvia, and went on Bluelight...
I must say that the large majority of this experience is forgotten and completely non-linear in my memory. Most of what occurred seemed to happen out of order; either I experienced things before they occurred somehow, or experience several realites at the one time. However, the majority of it was spent in darkness, eternal darkness. I actually am tempted NOT to ost this report because I feel it does no justice to the experience; words haven't been coined for the salvia-space yet.
Anyway, as said in subsequent weeks I was filled with a terror, completely irrational, that I hadn't properly returned, or had returned to the wrong reality. I would jump at the movemnt of my reflection in a mirror, and every time I opened a door, I was gripped with a fear of what I would find. This overtook me for a while...I could barely leave my room. The only cure was to go back to Her and ask for it, which I did....
Several things are important to me about salvia:
- It induced a state which I believe is akin to delerium. As a child, when my grandparents died (seperately of course) I experienced extreme delerium and visions/dissociation whereby I had no contact with my surroundings. This happened three times (my mothers parents, and my fathers dad), and my entire family would sit with me trying to relieve my fear. I was often sick when I was child, and almost always got feverish and delerious; this salvia experience put me in a place where I had been before- whther it is a real, physical place or a simulation I am unsure; all I know is that this doesn't happen everytime I smoke it.
-It is dangerous. For an anxious person such as myself, salvia can present a true danger to mental health. I already had PTSD-symptoms; panic attacks, general anxiety, nightmares etc- and this experience ramped this sensation up massively. That, I believe, was because the experience resulted from a massive over-dose; not physically dangerous I don't feel, but mentally way too much for anyone to handle. As said, for several weeks afterwards I was plagued by surges of panic and (almost) visionary states, and if I had known more about shamanism and spirituality as I do now, I believe I could have really manipulated the fluid reality I had returned to. I was unable (and still am) to be emplyed, due to massive agoraphobia whenver I was away from ymhouse, and then terrible claustrophobia whenever I was in my house.
-It is the strongest hallucingen known. Well, thats a subjective statement, but I cannot deny how real this intangible experience was. I have never been so dislocated from my phyical environment; or, I have never been so immersed in a visionary enxperience that, with my eyes open, I could see no evidence of my actual physical location.
-It showed me brutally that psychedelic drugs are not play things, and taught me a respect for my mind and for this plane of reality. I urge anyone with a drug problem to experience a full-blown salvia divinorum trip and see how eager they are for drug-induced realties afterwards. For me, I gathered a great respect for psychedelics in particular, and am still processing what I learnt in that flash, which happened maybe 3-4 years ago now.
Anyway, thats a long report and doesn't really explain much. I will say that attempting to describe this has actually stirred up a lot of spiritual anxiety in me once more; not as intense, but remembering that particular event ismlike remembering your own death- it chills me to the bone.
*I don't tend to wite trip reports as I'm not the most engagaing writer, but this is an experience I want kept for posterity. Much love people
willow11
substancecode_salvia
methodcode_smoked
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Nice report swilow, I've had my hands on salvia for a while now and I have yet to toke it. It scares the shit out of me-- and I haven't even tried it before! Damn trip reports scared me straight.
