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Sad Grandpa

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Gnarles Bronson

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 1, 2011
Messages
21
So I've been living with my Grandparents for the last month or so, just for the summer. I was having trouble finding temp work, so my grandpa had me work with him on a rental home that my uncle owns and he manages. We wound up remodeling the bathroom (tile, linoleum, drywall, paint etc.), which was on the second floor of this house while it was 108 degrees out, and probably 115 in there.

Anyway on about the fourth day my grandpa kind of goes off on me all like "what is wrong with you you are 27 years old and everything you do you do the lazyest way possible" or something like that I don't remember what exactly. So at first I just laugh and think it's funny for some reason, and after a few minutes it starts to bother me and I say something along the lines of "I just want to let you know I don't appreciate the way you talked to me." So he says yada yada "well now we both understand each other."

The next day it was still bothering me because I have thin skin/was emotionally abused by my family for my whole life (not him, not his child) and after a lot of internal deliberation on what was the right thing to say decided on the mistake of "I think I deserve an apology." So we yell at each other for a couple of minutes, not that big of a deal, and he says lets just finish the bathroom and talk tomorrow.

So the next day we talk and I say you know "I'm just really sensitive to things like that," (really what bothered me the most was that I had been busting my ass in this sweltering heat and he decides to talk smack about my work ethic), and we end by me hugging him and telling him I love him.

Anyway, the point of the story is since then his mood has been a bit down. He's been talking quieter, and talking about dying and how his body is giving out and so forth. And that makes me sad.

It reminds me of when I rented a room from some family friends when I was younger, and they had an old big dog, and I had a young dog, and one day my dog is trying to be friendly and play with the old dog and the old dog snaps and starts biting at my dog and so my dog bites him back and, well the moral of that story is the young dog won, and the old dog never really recovered. His mood changed, his legs and bowels gave out, and soon after he was put down.

They say that when old lions lose their last fight they just go off to die on their own.

So I really want to do something to improve my grandpas mood, but I feel like if I apologized to him it would just further demasculate him. So if you have any suggestions let me know.
 
Openess & talking freaks some guys out if they're not used to it.

Don't feel bad, you're not the 'young dog' in this situation, you haven't brought about a decline.

What I think happened is your discussion, clearing the air and hug was a bonding process, emotional barriers were broken down and now your grandfather is expressing himself to you.

Talking's good but there aren't many people we can be honest & open with about our fears. If you're the person your grandfather feels he can talk to, its an honour & a privilege. You may not be comfortable with it at first but just go with it, disclose stuff about yourself too.

He's an old man, his body is probably giving out. The time you have with him is precious & he can teach you a lot if you relax and talk and share as much as you can. Don't be scared of your own emotions. If it makes you sad, tell him. Grandparents dying before us is part of the natural order of things.
 
You didn't do anything wrong. You followed your heart, and you approached him politely and fairly, and there's nothing to feel guilty about. You may have helped him realized something about himself that he was overlooking, but if so, it's something he needed to see, and he's lucky he had it shown to him in a loving way. The rest is up to him.
 
I think your grandfather deserves an apology from you.

Obviously it bothered him that you weren't working to your potential and so he said something about it.

You could have taken the criticism like a man and tried to improve yourself. Instead you took it like a child, let it bother you, and you drug the argument out over a three day span.

You're 27 years old for chrissakes. Suck it up, be a man, apologize to your grandfather for being so immature, and bust your ass for the rest of the summer.
 
lol, I was waiting for an ignorant, unintelligent, and all around worthless troll comment like the above.

Sad to say it says something about the character of bluelight to put such a blatant troll in position of mod.

Thanks to everyone who actually had something of value to say.
Really recommend getting rid of worthless trolls like the above. People like him ruin places like this.
 
i don't think he's a troll

judging by his avatar he's just a fellow grandfather fighting for grandfather rights
 
I don't think you approached the situation in an immature way, much the opposite. To express your feelings and talk things out shows great maturity. I agree with the other posters. No need for an apology either way now, just move on. Maybe ask your grandpa if he is feeling down or something. Or maybe you can just do something special for him or with him. It sounds like you two have a great relationship, things are so dysfunctional with my grandpa and we have never had nor ever will have a real conversation.

It's not about manning up, it's not healthy just to let things get to you and have them build up and ruin an otherwise good relationship.
 
Gnarles Bronson said:
lol, I was waiting for an ignorant, unintelligent, and all around worthless troll comment like the above.

Sad to say it says something about the character of bluelight to put such a blatant troll in position of mod.

Thanks to everyone who actually had something of value to say.
Really recommend getting rid of worthless trolls like the above. People like him ruin places like this.
Click to expand...

Do you even read your own posts?

You come here asking for advice then flame the people who don't say what you want to hear. Your immaturity is really showing now.

Look at yourself. You're 27 and living with your grandparents because you can't make it in the world as an adult.

If you ask me, your grandfather is wiser than you could ever understand. You are correct that he's sad. He's sad because his grandson is lazy and can't see past his own nose.
 
Gnarles Bronson said:
So I really want to do something to improve my grandpas mood
Click to expand...
buy him lottery tickets everyday
wash his car/tractor/boat/etc weekly
always make sure the house is stocked with raisin bran, prune juice and worthur's originals
make it a point to ask him for advice a few times a week, it should appear to him that you respect his knowledge, wisdom and insight

when you do these things don't be overly enthusiastic or fish for compliments, just act like they are part of your regular routine

i would stay away from asking him what he would like you to do for him, cause he'll probably just say nothing even though he doesn't mean it

Jerry Atrick said:
Look at yourself. You're 27 and living with your grandparents because you can't make it in the world as an adult.
Click to expand...
i know this isn't TDS, but why would you even say that? did it give you a massive erection and a well deserved ego boost?
kick a man when he's down, good form.....
 
Why not just spend more time with him? Outside of the work you're doing together? With my grandparents, they love to spend time with us grandchildren. You don't have to do much. Watch a movie with him? Get a bite to eat with him? Cook him dinner? Something like that.
You're probably just noticing it a bit more. Unfortunately grandparents are older and they are going to get like this. I'm not sure if your conversation really had anything to do with him being "down" like this.
What does your grandma do? You are living with them both right now?
 
I mean, I kind of agree with Jerry Atrick on this one. It's your grandfather. He's from another generation, which happens to be a much harder working generation. I don't think you were wrong in expressing your feelings to him, but I do think you made it a bigger issue than it was.

Years ago, I was sitting around with some family talking about religion. And I said something to the effect of..."I mean, do you really believe Noah built an ark and got two of each animal on the damn thing?"

My grandmother responded with, "yes, I believe everything that's in the bible."

I immediately shut my dumb mouth up, because she's my grandmother, and that's what she believes....and I respect her for that.

Had this been one of my friends, I'm sure it would have turned into some huge battle. The bottom line is....I always treated my grandparents different, and with a ton of respect. Even if I didn't agree with them.

So, yea....grow a pair and bust your ass. He's giving you work and a place to live. Respect your elders, they're smarter than you may think.
 
op is looking for advice on how to strengthen his relationship with his grand dad

doubt he gives a fuck about anyone's personal philosophy on life, relationships, and work ethic

((((sadgrandpa))))
 
not as much as worthur's originals and those butterscotch hard candies that don't even have a name
 
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