cj
Bluelight Crew
Sounds like it is time for a new roommate. Its your life to live however you want to. Sounds like your roomy wants to save the world
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Roommate obsessed with my recovery
- Thread starter Alikat
- Start date
When I started using she was across country, she has never even seen me high ( that she knew of). I probably do need someone's watchful eye but at the same time I feel like I've given too much power to other people and now it's really hard to get it back. I moved across country from my family, all friends, n my bf...
Too many people are blaming the town i was in or the friends I had, and even the man I was in love with. Instead of putting blame on me.
If I wanted to get high all day everyday I'd b doing it right now. H is ALOT cheaper here than where I'm from! Plus my X husband has imposed all these rules for me to be able have my daughter. I feel as tho I am bring treated SOoo unfairly !!! Like I'm on parole, like I'm a murderer or something!!! The worst I did using was steal money from my dad. I never physically hurt anyone or put my kids in danger.
I feel very trapped and confused and none of this is helping me want to stay sober!
Too many people are blaming the town i was in or the friends I had, and even the man I was in love with. Instead of putting blame on me.
If I wanted to get high all day everyday I'd b doing it right now. H is ALOT cheaper here than where I'm from! Plus my X husband has imposed all these rules for me to be able have my daughter. I feel as tho I am bring treated SOoo unfairly !!! Like I'm on parole, like I'm a murderer or something!!! The worst I did using was steal money from my dad. I never physically hurt anyone or put my kids in danger.
I feel very trapped and confused and none of this is helping me want to stay sober!
kytnism
Bluelight Crew
Plus my X husband has imposed all these rules for me to be able have my daughter. I feel as tho I am bring treated SOoo unfairly !!! Like I'm on parole, like I'm a murderer or something!!! The worst I did using was steal money from my dad. I never physically hurt anyone or put my kids in danger.
I feel very trapped and confused and none of this is helping me want to stay sober!
ali, as a mother myself i understand how heart wrenching it must be in the midst of everything else that is going on for you to be separated from your daughter; and in that regard my heart goes out to you. i can only imagine how much your daughter also is missing her mother and would love nothing more than to be with you.
this isnt going to be easy for you; and i hope my advice is not construed offensively, but perhaps use the time away from your daughter to focus on yourself and what you need to do to regain strength and power in your personal life (legal lssues, stabilizing your mmt program and finding the correct dosage that works for you effectively, your room mate situation, and simply some time for yourself to evaluate what you want at this point in your life and what is most important to YOU). you are not on parole, nor a murderer, you are sadly caught up in the ugly web of divorce and at a time in your life that is inconvenient (granted everything else you are trying to deal with/overcome). you are not a bad person, as its clear you care about and are affected by all of these things; and regardless of what others say; doesnt make you any less of a woman, nor a mother. if you WERE a bad mother, you wouldnt be fighting for custody of your daughter, nor going through the steps to achieve being together again (no matter how difficult this is for you); you would simply walk away.
good luck
...kytnism...
Kytn, sorry I should have specified ... I currently have both my daughters in my custody! 
but I signed a deal with the devil to achieve this my ex had me sign an agreement wich consist of a list of rules to follow, ie; no bars, curfew, not to be in the presence of felons, hair follicle testing at his discretion, approval of any one watching kids and why they are bring watched.... The whole thing is a nightmare, I was NOT stable when I agreed to this and truly believed his threats that he would take the children once I left state and I'd never see them again, also pressure from my family to " just do what he says. Thier reasoning is he is well off.
All this has done is trapped me! I just want to be free of him and able to move on, his abuse n harassment was a big contributing factor in using and keeping me using. It's honestly still my biggest trigger.
Thanks for all the advice and I'm trying to just work on me, not worry so much about the kids... If he does get them, I can always get them back and they will still love me ! I won't be bullied into anymore agreements!
but I signed a deal with the devil to achieve this my ex had me sign an agreement wich consist of a list of rules to follow, ie; no bars, curfew, not to be in the presence of felons, hair follicle testing at his discretion, approval of any one watching kids and why they are bring watched.... The whole thing is a nightmare, I was NOT stable when I agreed to this and truly believed his threats that he would take the children once I left state and I'd never see them again, also pressure from my family to " just do what he says. Thier reasoning is he is well off. All this has done is trapped me! I just want to be free of him and able to move on, his abuse n harassment was a big contributing factor in using and keeping me using. It's honestly still my biggest trigger.
Thanks for all the advice and I'm trying to just work on me, not worry so much about the kids... If he does get them, I can always get them back and they will still love me ! I won't be bullied into anymore agreements!
Also in court he paints me to be this horrible junkie mother like something off a movie.. Where everything in the house is covered in filth and theirs needles everywhere, no food, strange men in and out, kids being neglected, malnourished, terrorized, and abused!
Truth is me and my bf used only in our room with the door locked, only had our 2 close buddies at the house ever, never did deals in front of them, never were too fuked up around them, mostly we used while they were in school or in bed. We would take them to do things like bike rides to the park and movies all the time because we were feeling great! They didn't know what was going on, there honestly more aware of the methadone!
Not that we were in the right , but I know damn well those kids were happy and well loved!
Truth is me and my bf used only in our room with the door locked, only had our 2 close buddies at the house ever, never did deals in front of them, never were too fuked up around them, mostly we used while they were in school or in bed. We would take them to do things like bike rides to the park and movies all the time because we were feeling great! They didn't know what was going on, there honestly more aware of the methadone!
Not that we were in the right , but I know damn well those kids were happy and well loved!
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
^Court is a tough thing in which two people who formerly had the same goals and aspirations are now adversaries. And while I'm not a parent, I'm a (grown) child of a divorce where my parents were more concentrated on fighting each other with lawyers rather than saving for my education and their future. I don't know when or if I will ever get over that. It's the main reason I haven't married and started a family yet. But that is another thread.
Having said that, I care for children regularly as a part-time job in addition to my dude's 2 sons from his previous marriage. I wouldn't dream of being impaired around them, on anything. I'm struggling with understanding this:
I'm sure I don't need to tell you what happens if the shit really hits the fan (say, one of the kids breaks a bone playing and you're too high to take them to the hospital). If you think you feel powerless now, imagine that.
If it's a matter that you're genuinely not well enough to take care of your children right now - and I'm not saying that it is - then is their father well enough? Is he abusive? Has he hurt you or them in the past? I urge you not to even invite over 'close buddies' or use the standard of 'not getting too wasted'. Children do not need to be around drugs. Period. Have whatever private life you want as long as you don't bring it around kids.
You seem genuine in your desire to get better. You'll just have to ask yourself which is more rewarding: the role of recovering drug addict/work in progress, or the role of capable parent. Your child does not know why Mommy can't do X, Y or Z. Children have no concept of addiction.
Having said that, I care for children regularly as a part-time job in addition to my dude's 2 sons from his previous marriage. I wouldn't dream of being impaired around them, on anything. I'm struggling with understanding this:
I'm sure I don't need to tell you what happens if the shit really hits the fan (say, one of the kids breaks a bone playing and you're too high to take them to the hospital). If you think you feel powerless now, imagine that.
If it's a matter that you're genuinely not well enough to take care of your children right now - and I'm not saying that it is - then is their father well enough? Is he abusive? Has he hurt you or them in the past? I urge you not to even invite over 'close buddies' or use the standard of 'not getting too wasted'. Children do not need to be around drugs. Period. Have whatever private life you want as long as you don't bring it around kids.
You seem genuine in your desire to get better. You'll just have to ask yourself which is more rewarding: the role of recovering drug addict/work in progress, or the role of capable parent. Your child does not know why Mommy can't do X, Y or Z. Children have no concept of addiction.
nooneanymore
Bluelighter
ditch the bitch