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Roomate & close friend died last night.

A

Adelphi

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 5, 2009
Messages
90
Last night one of my roomates (and close personal friend) left our house sometime after 2am and got in a terrible accident with a 18 wheeler. I literally woke up for no apparent reason @ 4am and my TV was on but on mute. I reached for the remote and when i looked up at the screen and actually focused i saw "Live Breaking News Fatal Car Wreck" and then they showed a photo of his car...

I have lost a lot of friends, and seen a lot of fucked up shit. Hell myself and my 3 (now 2) other roomates all met this summer @ inpatient, and then lived in a halfway together and moved out into a house 3 months ago. Shits just wack, having someone your day to day life is so intimately tied into snatched like that, ehhh. Its like i've experienced this so many times before, but then when you least expect it - it catches you off guard and throws your entire world into a polar shift.

Shit was going so good too.

He was the youngest of the 4 of us in the house, a fresh 20 whopping years old. I am 25, 26 at the end of Feb, and me and this kid vibed like he was the same age as the rest of us (23, 26, 25). I thought of him as my little brother and we joked about this often. As old as his soul was he was also tormented by some demons, as we all are. But I could sense his mind and souls restlessness, desire to escape.

I'm not sure why I needed to post this here, I usually just lurk (have been for YEARS w/ a diff account_).

Rest easy my friend.
 
Well, I've always lurked till now, but I just wanted to know someone heard you. I am so, so sorry, Adelphi. Bad enough to lose your friend, but to find out by seeing the TV news...pure nightmare!

Be as gentle to yourself as you can in these awful days. I will be thinking of you and wishing you well.

Faster Than Light
 
This is such a sad situation. I am so sorry about your loss. I wish things like this didn't have to happen. There was a kid I talked to all the time from bluelight who lived near me... He was killed by a tractor trailer(accident) and it was such a shock, he was so young too. I mean I was just talking to him not too long ago and then now he's gone? Just like that? Its hard to accept but with time it gets better. Again I'm sorry for your loss.
 
Sad news Adelphi, I feel for you. Always a shock when someone close to us dies, but for someone to lose their life so young so violently is doubly tragic. You're probably feeling the shock more than anything at the moment, the full sense of loss you'll feel at his passing will come later and it's good you have your other housemates around to share that with. You have my sympathies.
 
Adelphi, that is so terrible! I am very, very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the surreal experience of waking up and seeing that. It must have felt like a nightmare that you would wake from. Like Sepher said, the shock will probably wear off in the next coming weeks and be replaced by the many other feelings of grief. I have found grief to be a very unpredictable emotion that takes many forms. I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that as hard as your young friends life sounds like it was, he knew true friendship. Not everyone gets that gift, even in a long life. You will have to take very good care of yourself in the coming days and weeks and months. We have this thread in TDS for people to share thoughts and experiences of grief if you ever feel the need. I recently lost my youngest son 3 weeks after his twentieth birthday. Trying to understand the loss of a life when it has just begun is not easy. One of the things that helps me the most is knowing that my son mattered to others. Your friend mattered very much to you and I imagine that will bring comfort to his family as well.<3
 
I am so sorry for your loss Adelphi. The words seem so useless but having been through bereavement I know that there really aren't any magic words, but it is comforting all the same to know that people care and understand what you are going through <3

Like herbavore, I have found grief very unpredictable too (my pattern certainly didn't fit into the neat "stages of grief" model that I knew about, although I have certainly experienced all the emotions at some point, sometimes all at once) but just remember that however you are, whatever you are feeling - from numbness to the most intense emotion, the same for ages or changing every minute - is absolutely fine and entirely normal. The most important thing is to allow yourself time to grieve, listen to what you need, and to get as much support around you as possible.

I lost my 25 year old boyfriend 5 months ago - I remember that at funeral the minister said "we are not just mourning the life lost, but what could have been" and that is the most difficult thing to accept when someone so young dies. I don't know what your beliefs are about the afterlife (and life) but they can be very shaken by this - I know mine were (and I didn't even have any strong beliefs, just a naive feeling that everything always works out okay in the end, and good things happen to good people..) If you can find someone to talk through this side of things, it helps enormously (feel free to pm me!) It isn't something that any of us should ever be asked to become comfortable with. As herbavore said, however - you can take comfort from the fact that your friend knew such friendship, and keep the memories of happy times close. He was lucky to know you <3

The "shock" stage lasts a differing amount of time depending on the person and the situation.. It was about 2 weeks for me. During that time, when I was numb, it gave me a chance to get the practical side of things sorted, arrange counselling, talk to family and friends and generally get my support network sorted. Talking to people really helps. When it wears off, as herbavore said it can be replaced by many different emotions.. but the initial intensity will ease. I didn't believe it at first, but it really does. You don't get over it, but you learn to live alongside it, and carry the good memories with you, as well as a newfound appreciation of life. It can be a slow and unpredictable process, it's not a linear thing, so talk to us anytime you need to - and please do feel free to pm me if you would like to talk about it.

Much <3 to you, and much <3 to your friend - he sounded like an amazing person and thank you for sharing this with us.
 
Adelphi I'm terribly sorry to ear about your loss. I can't give much advice on something I have little experience with, but there is great advice in this thread. He was a true friend and it is important that you both shared that with each other in your life. And the pain does ease. Everybody who loses somebody close to them tells me that and they say that life just goes on. You never forget but eventually life will continue to take it's course and will go on.

All my condulences to you and to his family <3
 
Horrible news, I have recently lost a friend due to a road accident, it is not easy. Sending good vibes and thoughts your way.
 
Adelphi, I am so sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you, and his family and friends <3
In this horrible time of grief, please stay focussed on your sobriety. Your friend would want you and your roommates to stay strong.
Much love, take care, and let us know how you're doing okay? <3
 
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