Road down my teenage drug abuse

[zapped]

Hey guys so I just want to write about what's happened over the past 3 years. I smoked for the first time when I was barely 17 and have done drugs since then the past 3 years. After awhile I got caught by my parents so I quit for awhile then got back into it heavy for 3 years straight daily. I tried my first opiate at 17 also and tried drinking the first time. I quit drinking heavy after I blacked out once and learned my lesson. Then later I tried just about every opiate from codeine, vicodin, oxy/oxycontin, to hydromorphone.

I got into opiates on a weekly basis after a year of smoking for the past two years on and off after someone gave me my first oxycontin. Usually like once or twice a week never really having too bad of a problem. I tried dxm drinking a quarter of a bottle and did that like 8 times over a course of a year equaling only like 3 bottles worth.

My real problem I think was when I started getting anxiety from weed after 2 years of smoking daily. That's when I started trying xanax and kpins and that's when I think things turned for the worst. I tried it a couple of times and said this is great while smoking but one day I got a hold of some pressed xanax. I think it was fake and was something else no clue what it was. I regret not keeping one to test it but the whole experience scared me so bad I think I almost died that night.

Anyways after that I haven't been the same. I have been sort of on on auto pilot or in space. I don't know what i'm doing half the time just kind of doing stuff which is scary on its own. I stopped smoking for the most part after that except like a couple times a month. For 10 months after that experience I just did opiates like once or twice a week to just kind help ease the whole problem of never knowing what's going on.

I had a girlfriend for 7 months which helped with my depression and derealization but then she brokeup with me and I got hard into drinking and popping pills. It makes everything feel okay for awhile when the fact I think half the time how did I get here or what am I doing again? I found out this is derealization and it is a very scary thing for me.

I have been sober lately completely the past couple weeks which is even scarier having 0 relief and knowing benzos just make me more spacey I have no way of dealing with the anxiety that comes along with the derealization combined with adhd. I asked my new doctor to get back on adderall or vyvanse hoping this may help. Because I'm going to college soon and don't want to fail miserably.

I got a new girlfriend the past two weeks and want to be successful in college so I can have a lasting relationship. Also if I fail college I feel like my girlfriend will leave me for being a failure. She's great and never even drank or did any drugs before so I really want someone like her in my life. Anyways Thanks for reading guys if anyone can relate to my story let me know or give any advice

 

[herbavore]

Keep pushing through without using anything. You will gain confidence with time. I'm a spacey person, always have been. You have to learn to make strategies and stick to them ( lists, reminders, meditation, taking time to be still and clear your head). There are lots of resources in college to help you out (student tutoring, study groups, counseling--make use of every service they offer!)

 

[JahSEEuS]

I agree with herbavore. The human mind is an amazingly powerful thing. You can really surprise yourself when you put all of your effort into an endeavor, plus if you are focusing solely on that goal you are less likely to be thinking about the pull of the drugs. I never thought I'd be able to get through school without amphetamines (or life without opiates), but when I tried it I did better than I could have hoped for. I relied more on scheduling, lists, meditation, and exercise to keep my mind focused. Now I'm content knowing that I can get through life, and have built skills that I can rely on without having to reach for a pill.

I wish you the best of luck and know that you can succeed.

On the girlfriend front, I suggest being happy with yourself before looking to others to make you happy/satisfied/fulfilled.

 

[zapped]

Yeah you guys are right I'm really trying to focus on my school/career and my own happiness. Then comes other things like friends/relationships, and I'm going to try making a better schedule for myself because I get distracted very easily. Also when I get bored with something it's very hard to get motivated to work on the assignments. So hopefully I can get through it without amphetamines, but we'll see how it goes. It's just hard not to take them because of my chemical imbalance in my brain from the adhd the past couple years of not taking it makes me just search out for other drugs to fix the imbalance. It makes sense why people with adhd are more likely to abuse drugs.